I tend to think it's both serious and innocent.  The child who popped the goldfish into the other child's food most likely did it without intending to harm the other child.  But, to keep the kids safe at the table, they need to be made aware of how dangerous that action was/could be.

I don't think the intent was serious at that age, but the action could've had very serious consequences.

I cannot imagine parents not being notified.  I have lunch duty on a pretty regular basis, and I think parents would have been called by the end of te lunch period if it happened at our school.  In fact, I got a call about a far less serious event at the allergy table, back when DS was in elementary. 

Parents should absolutely be notified. It's a no-brainier to me.
Apologies to your DH. ;-)

Mom had only allowed him there on a trial basis, knowing he was no safer and possibly in more danger ( false sense of security).  But then he met M and their bromance blossomed 

 


But the child in the crosshairs here needs the help of his/her parents to judge whether the risks of being in this seating arrangement are worth the risks-- risks which they have not been told about.

It's the circumstance plus the actions that need both documentation and resolution, add clear communication between all parents and admin. Any possible state of mind or global mental health issue is beyond your scope. The situation needs deescalation and the kids need guidance from responsible adults so that they're not set up for failure the next time.

I'm not sure what the intent of the child is. From M's description, there are some behavioral/mental health/ upbringing issues going on. This child also has an allergy. M is not sure to what.

Be relentless on getting the school to generate an incident report that goes out to parents involved. Initiate it through email directly to the principal at his or her public account. Simultaneously send a written LOU.

In no way do I wish to overstep my boundaries with father (your DH) but this is like an invasive weed if you don't nail bullying before the idea of target group solidifies. The change I would identify as in need of change is at the administrative level, that they have unintentionally set up circumstances in which this can happen. Apparently with repeat boundary test iteration.

First change what most facilitates this happening, inform all parents, then if the circumstances change with boundaries clearly defined then the parents of offending kids need to set harder parental boundaries.

Or-- if the child had simply had a NEAR-MISS with a car in the parking lot?  If another child had SPIT in a child's from-home lunch so that s/he couldn't eat it? 

I mean, yeah-- I can see your DH's point of view here, but at the same time, I think that the school needs to be letting parents know about possible management issues that they seem to be having trouble getting a handle on, and this certainly qualifies.

Sounds like the allergy table is in need of a tune-up before something worse happens, and NOT alerting parents that there are some behavioral concerns seems, to me, to be setting themselves up liability-wise.  They are playing with fire, and the parents don't necessarily even know.  The PARENTS ought to be having some input into the safety risk here, and instead, the school is hiding that there is one.  BAD juu-juu, if something goes wrong. 

Yes. 

If the child had been punched in the nose on the playground, would the parents have been called? 

Ds#1 sits at the allergy table for lunch. Anyone who purchase a school lunch may sit there( no overt peanut is served). Any food allergic child is strongly encouraged to sit at this table regardless of the type of food allergy. Another mom and I have discussed the risks/ benefits of this, especially since her son is allergic to egg and dairy. ( just about every child at the table drinks milk).

About a month ago, M came home and said a boy at the table had knocked part of his lunch on the floor. The next morning, m and the other boy were called into the Principal's office. This had happened several times ( unbeknownst to me) with M and some of the others at the table. Principal told this boy if it happened again, he'd have to eat his lunch on a desk in the hallway.

Fast forward to yesterday. At pick up M was very excited ( not happy excited...just adrenaline excited) because this same boy put a goldfish is his dairy allergic friend's lunch. The boy was pretending to do a magic trick and when M's friend opened his eyes, abracadabra- an allergy bomb in his cucumbers. M and all his friends raised their hands, cucumbers were disposed of by teacher and after lunch offender went to visit principal.

Mom was never called. I'm furious. Dh, a teacher in district ( and obviously FA Parent), thinks " it was handled. It's over. No need to call". I think- BULL $H!t to that. That child was placed in significant harms way. Phone call required. To give parents while account ( we're relying on reports of 7 yo) and to state what will be done to prevent similar situation.
Thoughts?