I am in my second year of college and I think your daughter should just say something if it is only peanuts/tree nuts that cannot be brought.  That is a pretty minimal request.  I have been to quite a few study groups and they did not involve food, so this is not something universal.  Maybe it has to do with the school or the part of the country you are in. Do you have any idea why she does not want to say anything?  If she is in college, she has been telling people about her allergies for years.  She is already a couple of months into college now, so it is not like it is the first week of school.

She is going to miss out if she skips the study groups. Plus we have had our share of group projects, but no one really ever brought food.  We even had a group midterm recently in Physics.  We had to be in groups of three.

I have not seem much food at my school at all.  If there is food, it is usually a piece of fruit.  Our student population is really pretty health conscious.

Quote from: CMdeux on November 07, 2014, 02:00:58 PM
Well, it tallies with my experience and judgment completely, actually-- but I know it's not what she wants to hear.


Luckily the class that this has been the biggest problem in is not in her major, and at this rate not likely to be, either. 

(Whole 'nother enchilada, THAT discussion...  oy vey).

well...maybe they are good people to practice with then?   

Speaking from my own experience going through all of this - at some point ya have to step up, own it, not be embarrassed by asking, know when to ask, know when to walk out, etc. It takes practice and finding some bravery. It's not easy, but once mastered and going into adult life it makes it all smoother.

Good luck

Well, it tallies with my experience and judgment completely, actually-- but I know it's not what she wants to hear.


Luckily the class that this has been the biggest problem in is not in her major, and at this rate not likely to be, either. 

(Whole 'nother enchilada, THAT discussion...  oy vey).

The only suggestion I have, and I know she said she doesn't want to say anything, is for her to speak up with the study group and just ask them if they could please not bring anything with nuts --- I'm kinda really allergic and can't be near it, but I really want to get together with everyone and have been shy to ask. Open, honest, genuine, matter of fact, with no anxiety, no embarrassment. Owning it.

Asking people to just not bring anything with nuts, is completely do-able. She might be surprised by her study/lab group and they might all be, "Sure, no problem!"  She can always get somewhere a little ahead and bring wipes for cross-x on library/study room surfaces for sure.

Now, is the time for her to do it...else she'll end up isolating herself away from everyone even more and then in future classes with classmates in her major - it'll be even more isolating.

I know - not the answer you were probably looking for.

Nuts, definitely-- peanut, cashew, pistachio-- those, her threshold is low enough that even contaminated surfaces are a pretty huge risk. 

   The other stuff is probably a moving target at this point, and it is more about consumption than environmental exposure.

I'll think on this -- food is everywhere and anytime on a college campus.

Can you remind me --- what food-stuffs can be not be near/share air with?

I do have one practical suggestion which isn't ideal but it's an alternative.  There are office spaces in town that are open for rent.  Years and years ago DH did this.  There should be wifi, it could be prewiped before use and I think at the time no one was able to store food there or have hot plates and the like.  Meet there say the rules for the office space are drinks in non-spill containers only no food. 

There was another thought rolling around earlier about carving out a space in the study area that was library like in drinks only in no-spill containers.

One more and I'm not saying this to just be nice or anything.  We have one extra back room with attached bathroom.  I can set it up to be a decent student study center for occasional use.  There's wifi and I can make tea/coffee available and fruits, maybe the occasional sushi and curry we'll just call it vegan gluten free food, it's trendier and more acceptable.  We blame my kids for the food rules.  I can control the cleanup back there.  DH and my study area gets kicked to upstairs.  We've got the space here for it.

High speed laser printer capable of two sided printing.  Desk space.  We use quite a few grad and undergrad students from university for respite or babysitting so there's always been a revolving door of students in our place. 

The honors dorm is set up nicely for group work-- so that is the location on campus where this tends to occur, because otherwise finding an empty table is really tough... but... it's nearly impossible for DD to "bring snacks."  She is too young to drive-- and even if she weren't, it's not really a drive-up dorm-- she'd have to lug stuff for a mile or more.  In addition to her backpack which already weighs approximately 2/3rds of my child's dry mass.   

The other thing is that she SOOOOOoooo doesn't want to get into the allergy conversation with others.  SO not.


She has defaulted to just studying alone in a carrel in the QR sections in the library basement (where it's quiet) or waiting until she gets home.  I mean, she is getting better about working in little bits of time on campus, but that's not how she tends to learn best. 

The food thing is really pretty challenging even now. 

Maybe times are different.  But, when I was in college, as a commuter, I often had to hang around and do work at school, and often, in groups with others.  We used the library, and dedicated study rooms in the student center.  It was never a food fest, though we might have had bagged lunches, but it was very contained.  Though, I am sure those rooms had residue, I would not think any worse than a restaurant table, like a pizza place. 

Is the current trend to all bring food to share and munch while they work?  Maybe so.  Also, one big change, i am sure is the prevalence of nust, granolas, nutty bars, etc...  We are only 4 years away from living this so, I am asking to gain awareness. 

Trying to offer to bring the snack sounds like a good idea, if your dd can easily get it without much time wasted.  Having to do it all the time could be time consuming.  I would hope, as they get to know people, that others would be supportive. 

Maybe Nameless can weigh in here.  She works on a college campus and has allergies. 

Soapbox before I answer...DDs professor handing out extra Halloween candy which was...(drumroll)...Recees.  Really? In college? He was tryirng to be nice, and I'll give him that, but this just really threw me. She had to deal with this during class.

So in primary/secondary we took control of this by being the one who supplied the food in these situations. Yeah...it cost me but it gave me peace of mind, which was priceless.

College, though, where they are forced to work in groups....Hmmm...

If your food services is as good as DDs school, safety-wise, could you work with disability services to work with food services to provide food?   That is, if kids were planning on buying food to bring anyway, could Sodexo be used to beat them to the punch and provide things for the kids to purchase?  Or, could your DD coordinate..."Hey...lets chip in for pizza and I'll pick it up". Or "anyone want to chip in for snacks? I'll pick them up" that way she'll be in control of what gets purchased.

Okay-- with that stated, what tips and tricks do you have for dealing with this?

DD's and mine include suggesting times/locations where food would be weird or awkward....

Oh, let's meet at the library at about 10, okay?

OR-- to meet in a location where the food is somehow controlled in a larger sense--

Oh, hey-- {local pizzeria} is a good meeting spot-- the kids can play and we can talk (Pizzeria being peanut and mostly egg-free)


This is a real mine-field for DD as a college student, I must say.   She would find it quite useful to work with a large group right now on homework sets, but there is almost no way for her to, realistically.  It's to the point that I am almost wondering if she should tackle the issue with disability services.  (Working solo has a direct impact on her b/c of the homework system that the class uses in one class).

---

What suggestions have others used as a way around the food saturation inherent in social and just social-ish activities like that?