Id personally let it go now that youve discussed it with the principal present if you have no issues with the reg teacher.


you dont want to appear you are

a. micromanaging people.

b. infantalizing the teacher or principal you like.

c. a nag.

Ask me how i know.

I might consider a brief meeting with "happy" teacher to discuss?

Glad that teacher is gone.

The teacher now is returning, so she and your son know each other?  Is she aware of the fact that your son lost trust in the sub?  At his age, he may have a bit of mistrust for all teachers for a while, but this might be less so if he already knows and trusts the teacher that's returning.

Hope all goes well for him.

Finally posting about our meeting. I apologize for not getting back sooner.

The principal did show up to the meeting and he sort of 'ran' it actually. Probably a good idea as I sensed the teacher appeared somewhat bothered. My son did attend the meeting as well. I do feel like I was able to convey ALL of my thoughts on the matter. The teacher did not admit that she said she'd have to tell me that he lied. I got another story entirely. So, I was left feeling that my son had a somewhat different perspective on the matter, due to ADHD processing?Possibly....BUT the fact remained that his trust in his teacher was left broken, that his first attempt at self-advocacy did NOT go well at all, and that I needed to convey that she MUST rebuild that trust. No apology was given.

All in all, I called her on the carpet, she knew I was not the type of mom that would just let it go, ever. I think she knew that I'm a mom who expects more.

............

And guess what.....today was her last day as the sub. It's a good thing...the ADHD issues we're having are so difficult for a teacher like her to deal with. But happy teacher returns tomorrow......oh. yeah! 

No helpful advice, but I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  We are in the middle of a similar situation without the added insult of the teacher saying DD is a liar.  You must be beside yourself.

I think you need to give this teacher a copy of the article about the girl that died at an elementary school in VA on 1/2.

The way that teacher handled it was inexcusable.  I hope you get some good results with the principal.

Wow Janelle. It always amazed me how the school admin can simply overlook these things. Teachers who yell constantly, etc., etc...

Hugs to you and your son.  You got lots of great advice here.


Reminds me of my second grade teacher - who was about as far from warm and fuzzy as you could get.  She had a paddle (yes, seriously) hanging on her wall, and she explained to us that the reason that there were holes drilled in it was so she could swing it harder.

I eventually had to get my first pair of glasses in second grade when the school told my mom that I failed the vision test.  I had told my teacher that I couldn't see the writing on the board two months earlier, and my desk was all the way in the back of the room.  Instead of moving my desk, or maybe passing it on to my mom, the teacher told me that if I couldn't see, I would have to sit on the floor.  I spent nearly two months, sitting on the floor in the front of the room, propping my work up on the back of a book so that I could see the board.

Holy cow, aj!! I can't imagine a carton of eggs hitting my son. Good grief!

QuoteAnd I think about ADHD & other related and how often this may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him/her literally vs the child's misinterpretation of (or getting lost in) the intent of the question.

Thank you for this. It's perfect.

Don't want to oversimplify, but . . .

Quote
The allergic child is motivated by safety.

also makes me want to ask the counterpart question:

"What is the teacher's motivation?" . . .

And in the back of my head (ok, perhaps in front of my head) is my answer:

"CYA".


~ ~ ~

And I think about ADHD & other related and how often this may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him/her literally vs the child's misinterpretation of (or getting lost in) the intent of the question.


~ ~ ~

Our cafeterias now have camera surveillance.  *cough cough*

Too bad they didn't have it LAST year when the kid threw the bag of pnuts at son and hit him in shoulder . . . but at least there were other credible witnesses that day.

~ ~ ~

You're all over it, lilpig!

Thanks for your comments. I've combined them into a great working tool for my own situation. I hope someone else finds it useful as well!!

And Going Forward
Efforts by my son to self-advocate need to be affirmed.
Objectively assess motivation for the accusation. The allergic child is motivated by safety. What would he gain by lying?
Any further conversations with my son needs to be done with the knowledge of his processing/conveying difficulty. (ADHD)
His ADHD may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him; he may get lost in the question.
How are you going to restore my child's trust?
A 'he-said she-said' confrontation is not appropriate when dealing with a threatening allergy incident.
Beware - my child is now much less comfortable  in reporting subjective symptoms of a major reaction in its earliest (ie-- most treatable) stage.
Beware - He may attempt to hide symptoms due to feeling INTIMIDATED in his efforts at self-advocacy.

I emailed the principal asking for a meeting with him and the teacher. And he just called me. I told him all of my concerns over this and how I feel it was not handled well at all...from an allergy and ADHD angle. He is understanding but says the teacher told him that my son said 'i think that's what happened' kind of wishy washy like. So there is a perfect example of what we discussed during our initial meeting when the sub took over...that my son has difficulty processing information and conveying his thoughts....so that 3 second- hallway meeting didn't help, but rather caused harm...in several ways.

He wants me to meet with the teacher first. Fine. Not a problem at all. He may pop in at the end of our meeting. whatev.

Thanks for your continued thoughts and comments!

We had a situation that was slightly different last year where the teacher didn't "say" DS1 was lying but everyone covered their butts so far it disgusted me.  Basically DS1 had itching all over his body and was sent to the nurse (reality was they stopped by on the way to lunch for a quick once over) and the nurse told him to return if the itchiness continued.  He asked to go again after lunch and was told there was nothing the nurse could do so to go back and do his work 

It was at that point that I had a very clear conversation with my DS that only HE was in control of his allergies.  That if his needs or concerns were not being addressed by the teacher he was to walk out of class and down to the nurses office.  If he was ignored by the nurse (given our current nurse, I doubt that would happen), he was to demand that I am called.  Only he knows how he feels inside and I would rather deal with him walking out of class than getting a call from the ER.

I agree with CM Deux.  When dd was that age, she was very shy. I was always worried that if she thought she might be reacting, she might not speak up.  Your son was put in an unsafe situation and then he was negatively reinforced for speaking up.  I think I would say that in the letter.  I`d consider seeing if the allergist would be willing to write a letter that if your son feels he is an unsafe situation, he should not be negatively reinforced for speaking up, or something to that effect.