Another appropriate article for this thread:

https://adultswithallergies.com/2017/04/25/note-to-self-trust-yourself-more-note-to-everyone-else-trust-me-less/

Again, scarily more true than I ever like to admit.  I shared this on social media and asked all of my friends to read it and told them to ask me the hard questions. 

The funny thing is that during a reaction, if someone else asks me the blunt reaction questions I will answer them truthfully.  I will find every excuse in the book to rationalize and deny it to myself, but I will admit to a potential/happening reaction when someone else asks.  My husband asks me often and can tell immediately when trouble is brewing or I just have a tummy ache. 

Many of us can relate to that internal argument, Mac.  Thanks for sharing.  We are very glad everything turned out ok.

So the mind games that get played during a reaction--they are something to contend with. Even with clear symptoms, it was tough. But also tough with symptoms that seemed clear to me but not to DH. I could feel my throat narrow and my voice higher, but it didn't sound higher to DH.

It wasn't until DH could hear the effects of my tongue swelling (as could I) that I  went ahead and epis. To be clear, not everything was really all that clear before that  I was itchy, but I get itchy. I'm not used to my throat swelling. That was a really hard symptom to self-confirm.

I went back and forth with myself, arguing with myself about whether this was a reaction or not--and one warranting an Epi.

Ugh.

It's not hard for me; it's more a matter of having time. Fortunately, I tend not to get PTSD from reactions--and I realize how lucky that is.  It can be a bit funky afterward. Last Monday was tough at work--it would have been great to take the day off, but I needed to take Thursday afternoon off to deal with mom things and Friday off to spend with DS.

I think it will be tomorrow before I can--I need to work still tonight.

I've posted a few similar 'what went on in my head' experiences elsewhere on this forum but cannot find them.  I also experience dissociation during reactions, which makes things even more confusing.  It's good to share these experiences because we learn so much from each other.  When you're ready... it's hard to write about it.

Thanks space!  I will post about my thought processes when I had anaphylaxis a week ago--maybe I can do that tonight. I've beeen wanting to post about that separate from my reaction thread.  Glad you raised this for me!

Boosting for Mac.

That "locking eyes" with his brother is what happens with DD and I when she is experiencing a reaction.  But I don't let her explain it away once more than one system is involved.  I worry what will happen when Mom is not there and I hope we never find out!

Yep, I've experienced that denial myself.  Thanks for sharing that. 

Yep. For myself and my child. It's horrible to have that self doubt.

Thank you for posting that.

I actually think that it was very helpful ..... it illustrates a different sort of progression of a reaction, that I think would make it easier for one to sort of believe that they weren't having anaphylaxis.

Many times, we are given a sort of standard list to watch out for, what supposedly happens first, then what next, and timelines that lead you to believe everything is always very cut & dried, clear and easy to see what you need to do immediately.

Having more accounts of the reactions that people have, how they managed them, and if there is a way to learn from the experience for them and for those that read about them, is important.... at least to me and for passing the information & stories on to my FA kids. 

This article brought tears to my eyes.  It happens to me way too often.  Scary.
https://adultswithallergies.com/2017/01/30/denial-a-thought-process-during-an-allergic-reaction/