Oh yes! I definitely bring along a homemade cupcake of his choosing!

Yes, the desserts are usually the bigger problem for us.

Assuming you will be there, I would definitely let my kid eat.  In fact, have often done so in similar situations.  You don't mention cake.  THat is the scarier part, at least for me.  I usually bring a cupcake for DS (but at that age, I often let him have the cake, because at that time he had friends with PA in the family, and the cake was homemade to be safe for the birthday child's family). 

We go to many of these parties and DS1 or DS2 skip the whole food issue (we treat them after or feed them before).  They partake in the cake with their safe treats.  It doesn't seem to bother them much because of the consistency.  I always found we had more issues anxiety wise when food landed on their plate and no one was really sure if was safe...

Thank you for your responses. That was the way I was leaning as well. Like I said our previous experience has me gun shy. I just need to remind my self I need to model careful responsible behavior. Not fearful avoidance ( though we did that for a time as well).

That is how we do it too, esp. at 5.  Dd's egg allergy is a little flexible, and there the slope gets slippery. 

But for her PA/TNA, I would let her have the foods you described.  I would be sure to mention the allergies once again when hers was ordered, if you want ot be sure they try to prepare it away from any of oyur child's allergens. 

I need to find it again, but there was a recent article(like last year or so) that reported the risk of a may contain food having an allergen in it was about 4%(it was pretty low).  And tha same % or a similar range, was also that allegens were found in things without any warning statements.  SO, the risk is about the same, unless you call companies all the time to check their procedures, and use that level of judgement.  I will work on findin it.

It caused me to loosen up my comfort zone a bit, since the risk was pretty equal, no matter what we did. 

I'd probably allow it-- so long as you are there to make the final call on stuff and see to it that you've read labels, etc.

The worry that I always had with DD when she was little (and five is still pretty little, believe it or not!) was that I needed to be modeling the kinds of management that I want HER to do now that she's a teen.

KWIM?

M was invited to a birthday party at our local bowling alley.  This mom is great- she always gives me the head's up on what will be served, so I can look into it or duplicate it. This is M's best friend, so I try to carefully weigh this against any potential risk.

I called the bowling alley today and spoke to the snack bar manager.  Very helpful, but over confident in her ability to manage food allergies. All of the food the kids can choose from is safe, with the exception of a "May contain" on the chicken nuggets. The frier is shared, so the fries will also be off limits. The pizza and hot dogs are safe. No peanut oil, peanuts, or PB on site.

I'm debating wether to let him choose food from the snack bar for the sake of feeling normal at a party for once.  I also don't want him to have a reaction- obviously- because the only reaction he's had other than his initial one, was at a birthday party. I don't want him to fear them (like I do, lol!).  We didn't even take any chances at that one- nut free, brought our own food, etc, etc...

Thoughts?