Thanks everyone-this gives me some ideas. My main concerns are with actual food and cooking. We've never taken any precautions there before, other than asking family not to break out the mixed nuts while we're there so I don't think she's overly sensitive to it. I didn't know about the non stick pans so I'll watch for that. I don't know that they do a lot of cooking with unsafe ingredients but I'll be sure to ask.

I did not see mention of placemats?
Typically I grab theirs and bag or throw into laundry asap.

Show up with new ones as a hostess gift?

We've pretty much handled this the way Krasota does.

My DD has reacted to teflon previously used with eggy stuff, though-- I think it may just be a matter of threshold.

We don't (necessarily) bring our own pans, but I do bring a few things for quick and easy meal-prep that doesn't require any of the "in-house" cooking equipment.   Quesadillas are your friend.  Think carrot sticks, hummus/dip/string cheese, that kind of thing.  I've also brought a few pre-prepared meals in disposable ziploc/gladware containers.  I also bring foil to line baking pans, and I'll preheat the heck out of the oven, then make something in a baking pan fully lined with a couple of layers of foil.  (I like extra-heavy-duty foil for a travel kit).  A box of cake mix and a can of pumpkin = breakfast squares for a week.  I also make "breakfast cookies" with soymilk/milk/orange juice and pre-prepared 'mix' that I make and stash in a ziploc bag.

I also clean the HELL out of the microwave, since that's what we tend to use for DD's food over a period of a week or more.

• cooler (thermoelectric) to keep DD's food in, in an out-of-the-way location. 
• Paper towels, foil, paring knife and mini-cutting board which stay WITH OUR COOLER when not in use.
• wipe-down of all kitchen countertops and fridge door handles, etc.
• rigorous cleaning of microwave oven inside and out
• strict instructions about not actually CONSUMING nuts/treenuts and most especially, not COOKING with any of DD's allergens while we are in the house
• replace the kitchen sponge (and maybe the dishsoap/handsoap)
• hide the toaster (because otherwise someone will inadvertently use it without thinking, and will spread crumbs EVERYWHERE... ask how I know this...)
• VACUUM AND MOP EVERY FLOOR IN ANY ROOM WHERE FOOD IS PERMITTED, and WIPE DOWN FURNITURE AND TOUCH SURFACES.

Really, it's quite complicated in a house which is not even nominally nut-free, and in someone with a very low threshold, nearly impossible.  This depends, of course, on how the household treats food, in general.  With "strolling/snacking" households, recognize that you are signing up for exposure no matter how well you manage the food for consumption while you're there.  In a person with a very tiny threshold, this is probably not enough.

  (We know-- y'all may remember the hellish visits at my mom's house when she was undergoing chemo... part of the reason we just bit the bullet and rented a furnished apt when she was in hospice care, in spite of the expense which we could ill afford. I couldn't deal with that situation and being the sole parent, AND the unstable and scary asthma that DD had suffered during both of our visits when we stayed at my mom's.)

I strongly prefer a hotel, personally, but I realize that some family/friends find that offensive and that not everyone can afford to do it.  (We couldn't really afford it either, but that is another story.  We also figured out that in the end, a weekly vacation rental was cheaper than ER co-pays.     Since those were apparently our two options, we went with door number one. )

Please understand that this is the situation for someone who has really, quite extreme sensitivity.  Pretty simply avoidant measures (foil on grill, not eating food cooking in cast iron or teflon, asking for family not to COOK with my allergens) is enough for most FA people, myself included.

So do you take your own pans when you eat out?  If not, then I wouldn't worry about it in your relatives' homes either. 

Does your family often cook with nuts or just bake?  I'd probably only be concerned about baking pans and especially baking stones with just PA/TNA.

I have my own non-stick skillet at MiL's house.  We bring our cast iron griddle pan.

Anything we use gets washed first and we only use their stainless steel for cooking while here..  First thing we do when we arrive is toss out the ice and wipe down the machine, then make fresh.  If I see anyone reach in to get ice without washing hands, it happens again.  Fresh sugar because FiL often has it open at the same time as he's scooping flour.   DH scrubs down the colanders with pipe cleaners before I use them.  Cookie sheets are always covered with foil, even if they're not non-stick. The toaster oven rack gets scrubbed before use.

Compulsive handwashing after touching any surface.  Rinsing utensils first.  Open fridge, wash hands, grab stuff and open, wash hands, etc.  After plating my food, I wash my hands again before eating. 

I also have a non-stick pan at the house in Indiana.  My folks aren't usually cooking in there when I am, so it's less of an issue.  They're good about remembering to wash hands before getting ice, too.

We don't use wooden spoons, obviously, and their teflon and cast iron are right out.

FWIW, I react to teflon pans previously used for gluten, but DS does not react to ones used with eggs.  I wonder if the egg proteins are a lot larger than gluten/gliadin.

I avoid teflon and cast iron - all glass and stainless are okay with us. 

FWIW - DS1 has reacted to either wheat or egg after eating gluten and egg free pancakes on a teflon pan that previously made eggs and glutened pancakes.  It was then that I learned more about teflons hidden dangers (besides the obvious health risks).

We do have teflon pans in the house that are used to make eggs.  I do not cook anything for DS1 wit them. 

We do cook other's allergens within the stainless steel pans though and have never had an issue.  Honestly, I would say the risk of peanuts and tree nuts would be low in regular cooking pans.

WE used to stay at MIL's for a week or so at a time. But all her pans went in the dishwasher, and she did not cook much anyway.  And she is an OCD-type of housekeeper--everything is cleaned very well.  So I did not worry about what anything was cooked in/with.  I just worried about the food, so I went to the store, either with MIL or without her.

We're going to be staying at my sister's for a week and then my mom's for a week. In the past when we've gone, we've just eaten out for pretty much every meal. I really hate to keep doing that for a variety of reasons. So I was wondering what others do. If you eat there, do you bring your own pots and pans? Utensils? Dishes? Or do you just make sure they are well washed? At my mom's I wouldn't let dd have anything made in her main pans since they're cast iron and she claims they only need to be wiped out and never washed with soap. So that is out for sure. But what about other pans? If they're grilling is foil on the grill enough?