In 1st grade and kindergarten my ds had lots of friends with food allergies and his table was always full. All the kids wanted to sit there now it is a new state, new school and he just didn't want to be the only one. That was not the only topic they talk about. He cantalk someone's ear off about pokemon and dinosaurs. The boy did tell my son that he is allergic to treenuts. I told my son not to talk about it and the other child brought it up. Almost every classroom has a nut free classroom. My son is shy so he doesn't easily make friends. His older sister was wide open and always popular. I just wonder if his allergies have anything to do with that. My daughter had outgrown her allergies by age 4 (peanut and egg). I like how his school doesn't have different tables. The kids with peanut butter have to sit at leat 2 children over from the nut free section. So the table is full and my ds is happy.

perhaps kids at the peanut free table are just bristly with each other because they are not so happy to be there,  My kid does not like anyone discussing his allergies. He was upset  with the MFA child who kept pointing at his food and saying"Im allergic to that ! ).  It may not be his parents wish - secrecy -- but sounds like they have armed him with an answer to questions from peers.

And my kid would not happily sit down and discuss his allergies with anyone.  Pokemon cards? yes. Minecraft? yes. Peanut allergy ? 

becca,
By saying the bullying was different than your DD's I didn't mean to indicate severity.  DD's bullying was a verbal taunt and didn't involve anything that posed a physical risk to her.

Most people know about my son's allergies.  At my son's school, all the kids with allergies must carry their epi's on them, so it is easy to see who has allergies.  We don't go into details about his allergies with people, but he is in a small school & all the parents in his class know what he is allergic to because of birthday parties & he always brings his own food to each party.  But so far all has been great and his classmates do look out for him.

This is something that has really changed with age for DS.  The older he's gotten, the less he wants others to know.  He's 14. It's his allergy, and there's no way I will intentionally have it all out there in front of peers if he doesn't want that to be the case. 

Dd was not terribly bullied, ameve.  Just one incident with a peanut on her chair(another child might have legitimately dropped it, but biotch queen bee likely got an idea sort of thing.  She would have done something else, but PA happens ot be dd's thing.  She is known to be mean to lots of girls.  The one we think did it.  We let it go as if it were a mistake.  I made no big deal of it. 

The boy in on the autisitc spectrum and very unfltered and actually likes dd.  He eata alot of PB, and was just inapprorpiately thinking it funny to wave his sandwich in her direction.  But he had no real concept of his actions.  Scarier, in a way.  he was very hard to control, in many ways. 

Dd is generally well-liked by her peers.  But we had a wellness polict *thing* in our town, and I was involved.  People associated me with some extreme notions that really were not where I even stand.  Some fallout from that may have been what lead queen bee girl to be a biotch. 

I too wish we had been a little quieter about DD's allergy; it's hard to put that genie back in the bottle.  DD has been bulled but nothing like becca's DD.

I have to say that this is the only medical condition where people are castigated for not disclosing.  Are people with epilepsy expected to share that with their classmates.  I would bet you that none of my husband's coworkers have a clue that he has epilepsy. 

I sometimes wish we had been less vocal.  Dd has been bullied.  Found a peanut on her chair once.  And a boy teased her with his sandwich. 

But, more often, kids were helpful, and she got/gets more invitations to parties than my non-allergic child ever has. 

But I think a child in ds's class keeps it on the down low.  we have figured it out, because he is always at ds's table when we get the note home about no peanuts for lunch.  we do do peanuts here anyway, but I like ot know who is allergic, since I know how to do dafe food and could be helpful.  And I like ot know so i can be extra careful if my child is friends with him. etc...

  oh yes I see that concern too.

DS is flat going to tell ANYONE I am allergic to PN. and what worries me is that I KNOW kids. They don't understand danger and mortality as we do. What a 7 year old sees as "teasing" or "testing to see what will happen" can be deadly.

I also think that it is probably more common to be a bit less open if you have a life-threatening food allergy to something which is "always outgrown by ___ age."

That is, allergies to soy, wheat, milk, or egg.  Because people tend to want to "challenge" that information much moreso than Peanut (which everyone seems to finally understand is... um... deadly)...

Quote from: YouKnowWho on August 29, 2012, 10:47:27 AM
I think some parents are afraid of bullying from either parents or other kids.  It's kinda like an open door to letting others know what your personal kryptonite is, kwim?   

Is it sad that I am less afraid of fights, violence, bullets, etc at school than I am of another child retaliating against mine by sprinkling crumbs in there food?

Yeah, my brain goes there.

Having said that - we are up front about our allergies and I am often called that mom.  Shrug.  Not a whole lot I can do about it.  My kids are different and we have chosen to be vocal about it in an effort to change things.

I know the child was close mouthed to your child about his allergies but there is nothing saying that he is not open about it with those who might try to feed him (aka teachers, room parents, etc).

YES.

I also think that a lot depends upon personal sensitivity to the allergens, too.

That is, is it even concievable that this is a person for whom casual exposure could kill?  Because that's DD's reality.

We have taught her that telling others specifically what she is allergic to is an extension of significant trust. Because it is.  You're trusting them to believe you, and to not be malicious in their ignorance, at the very least.

There are an awful lot of people that think that a little bit won't hurt, and that we're exaggerating, or that-- well, something, anyway.  All it takes is one of those people to decide that they are motivated to prove a point. 

So yes, we've raised DD to be circumspect about the specific nature of her food allergies with others, most especially those that she doesn't know well enough to categorize.  She is handing that person the equivalent of a loaded gun.  Best to have some indication that they aren't crazy enough to use it.

Like YKW said some families worry about there being a "backlash" against  the allergic child. "We can't have _____ at our party because of  you" kind of thing. Others worry that if other kids know what a child is allergic too it makes them a target of DANGEROUS bullying. Like the little one someone posted about a few years back that was chased around by another 1st grader with a peanut.

Technically the mom is right as medical info allergies are considered confidential under HIPA so the info can only be shared with those who need to know to keep your child safe unless you or your child want to share it.

Personally, I feel DS is safer if those around him understand his allergies and MOST kidoes truly care and learn to be careful. I also have no problem with others knowing that he has Autism. I find other parents have more patience and understanding of his unique needs when the know there is a reason. 

I think some parents are afraid of bullying from either parents or other kids.  It's kinda like an open door to letting others know what your personal kryptonite is, kwim?   

Is it sad that I am less afraid of fights, violence, bullets, etc at school than I am of another child retaliating against mine by sprinkling crumbs in there food?

Yeah, my brain goes there.

Having said that - we are up front about our allergies and I am often called that mom.  Shrug.  Not a whole lot I can do about it.  My kids are different and we have chosen to be vocal about it in an effort to change things.

I know the child was close mouthed to your child about his allergies but there is nothing saying that he is not open about it with those who might try to feed him (aka teachers, room parents, etc). 

No, I don't think you are overprotective; it's just that some people don't feel comfortable telling all about the FAs, and others are okay with it.  There's no right or wrong to it.  It's just different ways of handling it.

I'm one who lets it all hang out, lol.  I want others to know about FAs.  But my kids don't nec like it when Mom educates others or just talks about their FAs.  It's embarrassing to them. 

But I have learned that there are many who don't advertise their FAs, for whatever reason.

So my son sits at the allergy table at lunch. He asked another boy who sits there if he had food allergies like him and the boy told my son it was none of his business that it is only for the teacher to know. I have taught my son to be a self advocate. He has no problem telling someone what he is allergic to and what not to eat around him. This other child was only 7 and he completely confused my son. Just thought that was strange. Maybe mother doesn't want him to be singled out? It just baffles me too as I get ready for my son's new 504 meeting. Maybe I am a over protective allergy mom?