It might be for grown ups.     (Latex allergic grown ups, even...)

Quote from: Mfamom on February 04, 2013, 05:22:16 PM
kissing terrifies me.  mostly due to pa, but thinking about what comes after kissing sends me into orbit!

One of my kids is allergic to latex.  The kissing didn't worry me...but the "what comes after" sure did.

ETA:  Not insinuating what comes after is appropriate for Valentines Day.

DS is a freshman.  Good kid. But we've been having this conversation for a while. When he was in seventh grade he had stage kisses in two separate plays. One had no contact. One was a real kiss. Seriously.  The fake one was looking too fake. The girl (an 8th grader) avoided peanut forbabweek. I wrote her a joy afterward telling her how exquisite her performance was (truly was) and thanked her for making the sacrifice.

We've also had the conversation about how alcohol impairs judgement in every area--including food.

Sigh.

I'm pretty sure my ds likes someone at school.  He is awfully worried about how he looks, smells etc. 

he's not saying a word about it to me though.  I know he would never kiss a girl without asking her when she last ate pb.  its just how he operates.  I will have dh revisit the topic soon though

DS dropped an oh-so-subtle hint that he might be seeing someone up at school, so time for a quick reminder.  I can't count on every girlfriend being as OCD about keeping him safe as his first one was.

Never too early.  Dd was being kissed regularly for a short period of time in 4th grade, against her will.  She finally got upset one day and told me she did not want to go to her bff's house because he had been kissing her and she didn't like it.  I am not sure how much she spoke up for herself, or if she was just shocked and uncomfortable, so the moms discussed and policed it and the friendship quickly cooled that year. 

CM, it really disturbed me as well, that the kid did not get the "no means no" thing, and repeatedly would attempt to isolate dd, even when the mom was thinking they were under her nose.  Hide and seek in the home, 10 seconds behind a closed door and he was on her!  I was so upset about the big picture of that and how he was really crossing a line in so many ways and his parents had their head in the sand, I forgot all about the allergy risks!  He was her bff and never ate PB, really, if she was a round, though. 

Anyway, never too young.  he had other ideas as well.  No kidding.  Thank goodness dd hated it and told me!  I shudder to think if she had liked it.  They had been in "puppy love" for years before that.  She says he is a bit of a jerk these days.  No kidding? 

So, this was 4th grade.  If he had happened upon a girl equally interested, more would have happened. 

Overall, I have for a long time discussed the risks of kissing and the FAs.  Our schools cover a lot of sex ed in the 5th and 6th grade movies.  But I need to re-cover it with dd.   She was not emotionally ready and was grossed out and tuned out.  Failed the test.  So, she will need a review.  Right now she cannot talk about it.  Is not interested.  She presently has a firm resolve to adopt children because she is so repulsed by the deed. 

kissing terrifies me.  mostly due to pa, but thinking about what comes after kissing sends me into orbit!

Oh yea!  The ongoing kissing discussion.  Still getting an eye roll on that one.....so not on her radar yet....but I keep on talking.  She's still listening.

We started when she was still in elementary school.  I don't think you can start this chat too early!

I think so too, Maeve.

And my DD, at just past 13, was pressured strongly for "real kissing" by a first boyfriend.  Because the boyfriend WOULD NOT take no for an answer (kept angling for 'will this work?' and 'what if I didn't eat anything unsafe for a week?') she eventually took a hard look at the entire relationship and realized that she just couldn't trust his judgment well enough, and that the fact that he couldn't seem to respect "I'm not doing that" meant that he ultimately didn't respect HER, either....

which ultimately was a romance killer, I think. 

It's an FA thing.  Most people don't understand.   The  scary ones are the ones that insist that they CAN understand, and proceed to attend the University of Google for a week and then "know all about it."   

The fact that he enlisted a considerably older friend of his to try to convince my DD that her parents had been using SCARE TACTICS on her all this time, though....



that I didn't see coming.  Why yes, I felt NO compunction about 'educating' that particular junior genius in a hurry, and speed loses some finesse, to be sure...    

It was a great opportunity to discuss healthy boundaries all the way around, however-- and I took it for that glorious opportunity. 

Unfortunately, I had to have the talk about kissing when DD was 5 because a boy at daycare kissed another girl in her daycare class.  So I've had pretty open conversations with her about that.  I've also had very open conversations about drinking (including educating her on what alcoholic beverages would not be safe, how alcohol impairs judgment and how that poses a risk to her, about how alcohol can make a reaction more severe, and about how bars often have nuts around) for at least several years.  I also recently mentioned the word condom when talking about the AIDS epidemic (had been reading Koch's obit at the time), and she asked what a condom was.  So I explained what it was.  She's in 6th grade.  While some might think she's young for such discussions, there are kids not much older than her experimenting with this (there were two incidents in middle schools in our county last year involving drugs and alcohol on school grounds--that may be why kids at her school cannot carry backpacks from class to class).  I remember hearing whispers in 8th grade about a classmate being pregnant.  I think it's better to get ahead of the curve, give her accurate information and also very clearly inform her of our expectations and values in regards to those subjects.

DS will be in rehearsal on Valentine's Day, but this is an eye-opening reminder for every day

Kissing--really not looking forward to that.  That really, really scares me--mostly because I've seen sooooo many times how unaware people are in general of the many forms peanuts take.

Valentine's Day Provides Families with Teachable Moments About Potentially Life-Threatening Allergies

Mylan did a survey that is relevant to those with teens (and those who will have teens) with FAs.

http://epipen.mediaroom.com/index.php?s=20295&item=122378

From it:

Open and ongoing communication with children who have potentially life-threatening allergies should initiate when they are diagnosed and continue as they mature and face new challenges. The survey, which was conducted by Harris Interactive and commissioned by Mylan Specialty, revealed that teens that date were significantly more likely to have experienced anaphylaxis during Valentine's Day than those who do not date (47% versus 13%) and:

Less than half of parents (47%) talk to their child about risks posed to children with life-threatening allergies from physical contact related to Valentine's Day, such as being kissed by someone who has recently eaten food they may be allergic to
Only 47% of parents tell their teen that when going on dates, they should tell their date about their life-threatening food allergy
35% of parents did not indicate that they remind their teen to bring his/her epinephrine auto-injector on dates