I'm just wondering if I'm the only one out there that wishes that food allergies weren't taken as seriously as they are? As someone who has lived with them my entire life I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed with the concern from those around me. it pains me to see kids these days that are defined by their allergies and in my mind it appears that these day kids with allergies are being nurtured and not educated. Remember that you r kids won't be under your wing for long, so the faster that they learn about their allergies the better not only will they be safer because of it, this will also take some of the stress off from you, the parents. What do you think ?
You hold your child gasping for air. Or screaming in pain from a GI reaction and tthen come back and tell these parents that they are over reacting.
I don't know what you think we are not teaching our chidren. They are taught to avoid accedental exposure always wear and carry an epipen and how and when to use it. So I Iam unsure what you are accusing the parents here of.
I think you are mistaken. Food allergies should be taken seriously. More often than not they are not taken seriously enough by schools, friends and even family members.
Now, should a child be defined by their food allergies, absolutely not...but that is an entirely different subject.
First I would like to make it clear that it was not my goal to accuse parents of anything, I was making note of how peers react to food allergies. I fully understand the want of a parent to protect their child and would find in a tragedy if a parent of and allergenic child did not feel this way. As to education, some steps are occasionally overlooked, for one children are often not made aware of anaphylactic shock early enough so if something does occur with their bodies they can be more prepared to deal with the situation. As someone who has seen my brother succumb the plight of tree nut allergies and go through Anaphylaxis with a calm demeanor because of what he had learned previously. Also many kids are not being taught enough about their allergies, I recently assisted a kid that was in anaphylactic shock; he had a tree nut allergy and had just sat down to a slice of pecan pie, this is a fourteen year old kid we're talking about that was never informed that that the pecan was a tree nut. This is where I feel some more extensive education should occur. I would also like to make a note to parents, most of you using this sight are those who care for your children and are doing all of the right things, I was just making the statement that there are some kids out there that aren't as fortunate.
I think that we can all agree that more education is pretty much never going to go amiss.
As for "over-sheltering," well, I don't think so.
Calmly facing anaphylaxis strikes me as a bit naive, which I hope doesn't offend you. Having seen it several times and experienced it myself, there is something to be said for the underlying cognitive impairment there that may have led to that assumption on your part. I'm familiar with how that feels, by the way. A nuclear blast probably would strike one as only "interesting" but in the same general way as a car with cute vanity plates on it. At the time, I mean.
My daughter is a teen, and she's had more than enough terror in her life from anaphylaxis that she is never going to take her allergies lightly. Nor should she. Reality, unfortunately, is a BRUTAL taskmaster, and some kids like the one you saw won't get a second chance.
My personal take on that situation is that it wasn't that the child didn't KNOW what pecans were... more likely, s/he was "mildly" allergic to another nut. Or had "never had a problem before."
That's a quite common story among fatalities, incidentally.
But at the same time, those are NOT the kids who have been "sheltered" by well-meaning but hopelessly optimistic parents who think that they can bubblewrap their kids for a lifetime. Mostly those kids (in stark contrast to many of FAS' kids) don't have ANY protections in place at school, they may not wear MedicAlert jewelry or carry epinephrine, may never have learned what anaphylaxis risk is, and are taught "don't be a pain about your allergies. Don't tell anyone."
So yes, yes, yes education is needed-- let's start with PHYSICIANS. Far too many of them give out bad advice, or fail to note warning signs from patient histories... and far too many of them diagnose allergies on the basis of skin testing alone and then offer no follow up care.
A very warm welcome to you, by the way! What a thought-provoking post. :yes:
Quote from: CMdeux on May 22, 2012, 11:36:57 PM
Calmly facing anaphylaxis strikes me as a bit naive, which I hope doesn't offend you. Having seen it several times and experienced it myself, there is something to be said for the underlying cognitive impairment there that may have led to that assumption on your part. I'm familiar with how that feels, by the way. A nuclear blast probably would strike one as only "interesting" but in the same general way as a car with cute vanity plates on it. At the time, I mean.
This was my first thought as well. Similarly, I don't want to be offensive, but anyone who is calm during an anaphylactic reaction clearly hasn't experienced the 'feeling of impending doom' symptom. I'm an adult, I know what is happening when I have a reaction, but it's not really possible to stay calm when your brain is screaming: "You are going to die." at you.
I'm glad that you seem to be surrounded by people who take allergies seriously. Could you send a few of them in my direction - I could definitely use a few more folks that 'get it'.
Strangely I as the parent always stay very calm and react during a reaction. It is only much later that all the emotions of the moments that I didn't feel come to me. It's very strange. I have no idea how my child feels as he is not very good at telling me things like that. He always goes into denial, though. He is scared of the epi pen still.
As for overprotection, I am not sure what the OP means. We started out taking very few precautions, our son reacted, we realized more precautions were needed and he reacted still and we added additional precautions. This continued until we got where we are today. Sometimes we take away some precautions as he seems to no longer need them. I'm not sure of your general idea that our children are 'overprotected'. Can you give an example?
I kind of get it, maybe. I grew up with super severe environmental allergies (not food allergies, though) and also asthma that landed me in the ER different times. When I read about parents seeming to be very, very concerned because their child has environmental allergies it seems strange to me. I grew up with allergies all spring, summer and fall and colds all winter long and no one seemed to be concerned about this. I can't imagine receiving the treatment that young kids do now when they have allergies like I did. It can seem overboard to me but then again, I suffered a lot and if this helps those kids not suffer the way I did that's good. Likewise, I know asthma is a very serious condition but I grew up at a time it wasn't treated the way it is today and I sometimes have similar feelings about asthma even though logically I know in my mind that the new, modern way to care for asthma is much safer and better. So, maybe since things are different now than when you were growing up and having to always fend for yourself you find things overboard or foreign at least. I can understand that. But consider that knowledge of food allergies and anaphylaxis has changed since you were a child and also that laws protecting children with food allergies have been clarified and increased so our children do have more rights than you did as a child, at least in many states. The 2008 amendment to the ADA makes a big difference for those with food allergies as well as many other state laws giving rights for people to carry epi pens in schools and many other state laws.
Could you give examples of how kids with food allergies are getting special treatment? I know that my son becomes very uncomfortable when those around him are indifferent or don't understand his allergies.
It seems like people who are educated can't help but try to help someone with allergies manage a situation, try to include them etc. Is that the special treatment you're referring to?
Anaphylaxis is a medical emergency and while knowing how to treat a reaction
could possibly help you keep your wits about you, its scary. If you are the one reacting, you may not be clear headed and may experience agitation, sense of doom etc which are part of the reaction and can't be controlled.
In my experience, most people are underwhelmed with allergy management and what it means to have a child with allergies.
If by "special treatment" you mean your allergic child can't attend a field trip, then yeah...my DS is getting a dose of this very "special treatment" next week when the entire 5th grade gets to attend a MLB game and he doesn't...
Good grief...
Quote from: mkobhu2 on May 22, 2012, 10:27:20 PM
I'm just wondering if I'm the only one out there that wishes that food allergies weren't taken as seriously as they are? As someone who has lived with them my entire life I'm starting to get a little overwhelmed with the concern from those around me.
Can you share your age or something about your situation? It might help us understand the points you are sharing with us.
I'm a parent, my child has allergies, she has lived with them all her life and she is almost 13.
Neither she nor I would be comfortable with people not taking her allergies seriously. We even train her good friends with expired epi pens so one day, unfortunately sooner than I'd like, she will want to go off with them, but I will know they know what to do if needed.
It sounds to me as though our OP has a younger sibling with food allergies... and that s/he is very concerned that some children are raised to expect other people to handle all of the responsibility for their food allergies.
If so, then I have to agree that this is a VERY serious concern, and one that is completely valid.
As a parent, I understand all too well how short my time is in terms of teaching my child how to survive (and hopefully-- to 'thrive') with her food allergies.
She can't do that if I keep her so sheltered that she has no practice making decisions for herself and solving problems related to her own condition.
It's also not right if everything around her revolves around those allergies. Her father and I are both human beings with unique needs and desires, too. We count just as much as she does. Similarly, she can't expect that her friends will always opt to make decisions which take her comfort and wishes into account. She definitely shouldn't expect ANYONE to take her safety as seriously as she herself does. That is a lesson that we've (sadly, due to extended family which posed a fairly large risk to her) had to instill early, forcefully, and often. Don't trust ANYONE's word when it comes to food you plan to eat.
I think that this is a really important conversation for those of us with late-elementary children, and even moreso with adolescents. How do we let them have a safe space to learn in?
I hope that our OP will be back to add to this conversation, which I find really fascinating. :yes: One question that I have is; how did your family manage to NOT place the FA child front and center all the time? Or did your family manage that task well, in your estimation? (I ask because this is a really common problem in families with a medical condition in one family member-- that person seems to always be in the spotlight. It's also true for families with diabetic children or those with LD's or seizure disorders.)
First some info about my self I'm a 18 year old male that spent his first five years of life in and out of a hospital bed for Asthma related problems. At the age of 3 I was officially diagnosed with Asthma as well as an allergy to cats and dogs.
As a kid I grew up in a family that ate Tree Nuts religiously we even had a drawer devoted to them. But, one night at the age of 5 I tried a brazil nut and immediately went in to anaphylactic shock. I have been officially diagnosed with an Allergy to all tree nuts but it should be mentioned that this allergy is only through ingestion. Just as a reminder this was back in 1998 when allergies weren't as prevalent and as focused on
Since then I have remained Safe and haven't had another reaction, and am often asked to talk with other younger kids about allergies.
CMdeux (first Post)
In retrospect Calmly probably wasn't the proper word, what I meant to imply was that he knew what he need for help and sought it immediately and was able to tell the school teacher what was wrong with out the teacher trying to inquire about what was going on.
lakeswimr
On the topic of over protection in my case I'm only allergic through ingestion so to me there are points in my life where I wish people had cared less. However I would like to point out to those parents who have kids with airborne or contact allergies I admire your commitment in protecting your children from a sightless adversary.
Mfamom
Types of special treatment would include something like when a child brings in treats for their birthday and because you can't enjoy said treat you get something that others didn't get. To understand my views, you should know that I'm the kind of person that would rather go without than to receive treatment different from my peers. This is pretty close to what I meant "It seems like people who are educated can't help but try to help someone with allergies manage a situation"
notnutty
Thank you for sharing a story in which "special treatment can be seen in a negative light, is the reason they can't attend due to airborne peanut shells and dust?
CMdeux (second Post)
With the overprotection and special treatment bit of this topic I would like to point out that I fully believe that young kids and those who have been just diagnosed should be watched for a period of time but eventually they should be taught to handle their allergies on there own.
As for how not to place a FA child in the spotlight, family went on as though nothing had happened; at home I was just a normal kid. My parents also focused on education of allergies to my brother and myself. Also at the time, my brother was going through some seizures so the concern of the family was on him. I slowly learned to deal exclusion from some food related moments and learned to read the label on everything I ever put in my mouth even if I just read the same label a week earlier.
If I missed any of your questions or concerns please feel free to either post again calling me out or send a message and I'll try to answer ASAP
I see where the OP is coming from. There is, I think, a difference in how the person with the allergies handles them as opposed to a parent, or in my case, a spouse. And how they expect it to be handled. DH would have my workplace be nut free. I don't care if it is or isn't because it is up to me to be safe. I educated people how to give the epi pen, and they do get that my allergies are serious. But it's my responsibility to be safe.
I'm tired of the special treatment too. I Hate being front and center at meals or at events with food. Is it necessary? Of Course. But I hate that I have to do it.
As for the calmness issue, I need it. Freaking out made things ten times worse. So DH stays calm, and it helps me stay calmer.
ETA: You are like me, I would rather be without then have my allergies brought to attention with something special. I think it varies by the person.
Ahhhh-- yes, that makes sense.
Management FATIGUE, in part? Absolutely.
I hate that so much is about FOOD, FOOD, FOOD-- even when it doesn't need to be, or when including food is sort of ridiculous/bizarre.
It means that for someone with extreme sensitivity, you can never just blow off making those inquiries, and it leaves you forever in this virtual spotlight socially. UGH.
Sooo... will the children be having a snack of some kind while they are dissecting the owl pellets? :insane: (Add that to the list of "questions I never thought I'd have to ask," for sure.)
It also means that you frequently get slapped with unexpected social inquiries that you'd rather not deal with if you're someone like me, or my DH (we're not aerosol or contact sensitive). <thinking> WTH?!? DONUTS?? This is a meeting which is taking place at 1:45 PM. We're all adults. What are we? A bunch of trained SEALS barking for FISH??! DONUTS?? SERIOUSLY?? And in part this is my attitude because INEVITABLY a simple "No, thank you," is met with inquiries and disbelief on the part of the ignorant... and with apologies and unecessary angst/energy directed at the 'problem' (created by completely unecessary FOOD) once they know why you aren't scarfing down whatever it is...
For once and for all: food. is. not. a. nice. surprise. :tongue:
Yeah. That part definitely SUCKETH mightily. My angst on this score comes and goes. But we're very clear that it is a-okay for DD to feel irritated by the constant nature of this kind of thing. Which, um... yeah-- she does. She's especially not fond of activities where seemingly normal, sane adults THROW CANDY at other seemingly normal, sane, mature people. EXACTLY as if they were Sea World performers. Heheh. Operant conditioning, much? But her angst here is about actual RISK, too. Food = risk for her. Period. (She's a kid with anaphylaxis history from invisible trace contact and probable aerosol exposure.) She definitely has self-protective instincts, though-- she washes her hands compulsively and uses long sleeves to avoid contact with 'touch' surfaces like doorknobs, railings, and counters. She has to-- the price for forgetting is asthma, hives, or worse. She knows which brands label for shared processing, and she knows how to call a manufacturer to find out about cross-contamination risk. Again-- necessary for her. She can't tolerate shared lines with peanuts or some treenuts (cleaned or not). She knows what ALL of her allergens look like, and she knows to avoid them. This is a 13yo that can spot a pistachio shell at forty feet. Not kidding.
I can also add, here, that avoidance of shellfish or a single treenut (both of which an adult in my household must do, btw) is relatively simple when compared with the sheer level of difficulty in successfully avoiding peanuts, even (at least in North America)-- nevermind eggs or milk, either of which is harder still.... or, heaven forbid, something like sesame or sunflower (which isn't always labeled well). So in addition to sensitivity dictating the avoidance measures needed, the nature of the allergen plays a role, too. For example, you'd never imagine that we're crazy allergy parents to meet my DH or I, as we're both VERY low-key about our own FA and really we're quite interesting people who talk about LOTS of other stuff (LOL), we're just careful and prudent about what we actually eat.
So while my daughter's food allergies very definitely cause life impairment sufficient to warrant the label "disability" with the legal protections that affords her... I certainly do not see either my DH's allergies or my own in that light. We're not really any more impaired than other adults we know without food allergies. DD probably always will be, however. I definitely thought that parents like us were "overprotective" until we had the experience of having a child like our daughter. I also thought that I knew quite a bit about food allergies. I didn't have a clue what it was like to live as a super- allergic person. Not really. My life? Inconvenient at times, even annoying. My DD's life? Downright terrifying outside of a few 'safer' locations where food is uncommon or highly controlled.
Wheat, corn, and soy are crazy hard to avoid traces of. Did that for a while when DD was tiny. <shudders> Incidentally, this was about the time you were diagnosed, too. A lot has gotten better since then in terms of labeling and awareness, for sure!! While that makes people like my daughter safer, it also turns out to be kind of a pain for people like you and I, who now face the curiosity of people who feel intent on grilling us at every turn, when what we'd really like is to just be left alone about it. I can't really feel too bad about that trade off, since it helps keep people who are super-sensitive alive and all. But it sure isn't a lot of fun to feel like you're being interrogated/managed by strangers all the time.
I'm probably in a somewhat unusual position here, since I am a person with a fairly 'typical' FA and a couple of unusual holdovers from childhood, and my DD is someone with a pretty extreme set of multiple allergies, and my DH is someone who grew up with FA's that were typically pretty mild in presentation, but to things which are really ubiquitous (he's nowhere near as careful as I am, fwiw).
Too much focus? Yes. For me personally, absolutely. HATE that. I know that my daughter hates feeling like a lab specimen, too. :-/
But I can't really regret it because DD and people like her need all the help that they can get. I'll deal with the pain in the neck if it means that people will be more aware and concerned for HER.
I've got admit....a childish part of me really liked that my son and his wife made their wedding meal safe for me. And the Jack & Jill party was a pot-luck, and a few guest chose to bring safe for me food, which was put aside until I took what I wanted, to prevent cross-contamination. That did feel really great.
But usually.....I'll eat before going to <anything>. And I don't want special treatment....cuz I usually won't trust you anyway.
Quote from: mkobhu2 on May 23, 2012, 10:19:04 PM
Mfamom
Types of special treatment would include something like when a child brings in treats for their birthday and because you can't enjoy said treat you get something that others didn't get. To understand my views, you should know that I'm the kind of person that would rather go without than to receive treatment different from my peers. This is pretty close to what I meant "It seems like people who are educated can't help but try to help someone with allergies manage a situation"
I would prefer that in the classroom, if a treat is not safe for ALL the children in the classroom that no food is used in the celebration/lesson etc.
I think it is wrong for a child to sit in school and stand out like a sore thumb declining treats while his/her classmates devour cookies/cupcakes whatever.
I don't consider it a "Lifeskill" either. My child follows his food rules and knows how to manage his allergies. He shouldn't be left out though during the school day.
I would add that the OP might not want to have his or her own special food as an 18 year old, but it should be hard to extrapolate from one's own older teenage desires what children should or should not need/have.
If so, then the OP seems to be saying that it's okay for a class of 25 to have cupcakes (even on a weekly basis some months during the school year)--all except for the child with the food allergy.
Right?
My son was sent out of the classroom to sit in the hallway by himself so his classmates could eat cupcakes a parent just happened to bring to celebrate the teacher's birthday.
Is that special treatment okay then?
I am tired of allergies being my sons instead of my sons being themselves but they have allergies.
Sometimes it would be nice to hear about the academic side of their school life and not so much about the food allergies. Yes, DS1 handles his allergies well and he is forthcoming about them.
But DS1 and DS2 prefer to have a treat that is safe for them (Kindy and 1st grade). And yes, they would like a whole lot less stress in the classroom in regards to food based projects (100 days of school involved a nice array of gluteny food and crafting).
Just observing that "gluteny" and "gluttony" have a lot in common phonetically.
<snark> probably have a fair amount in common in the context of that last post, too... </snark>
Carry on. :thumbsup:
also, food in the classroom is distracting and cause for concern/high alert for kids with allergies especially when they don't know what the food contains (even when they aren't eating it) Then kids stress about whether a shared item in the classroom (markers, supplies, desks etc) are contaminated.
Also the smell of peanuts makes my son feel sick. I'll quote him "I'd rather stand inside a Port o Potty on the hottest day in August than smell peanuts".
He shouldn't have to deal with that when he's at school trying to get his education.
Perhaps if school days by-and-large were not so defined by the use and abuse of food (in and out of the classrooms), then food allergies/anaphylaxis wouldn't take center stage as often?
Food in Schools ~Working List Eyeopener (http://foodallergysupport.olicentral.com/index.php/topic,1007.0.html)
http://allergy.hyperboards.com/action/view_topic/topic_id/9589 (http://allergy.hyperboards.com/action/view_topic/topic_id/9589)
Food in Schools, Part Deux (http://foodallergysupport.olicentral.com/index.php/topic,4079.0.html)
Just my .02-worth today.
I agree with the OP that shows of "concern" are embarrassing and ultimately not useful. I would rather see matter-of-fact accommodation without comment. I don't think it's healthy for my kids to hear expressions of pity and discussions of life-threatening possibilities as a matter of course.
Quote from: Momcat on May 24, 2012, 05:25:22 PM
I agree with the OP that shows of "concern" are embarrassing and ultimately not useful. I would rather see matter-of-fact accommodation without comment. I don't think it's healthy for my kids to hear expressions of pity and discussions of life-threatening possibilities as a matter of course.
I totally agree, I don't like the pity etc. I do like show of concern displayed by "including" and being cooperative about food choices when kids with allergies are involved.
mkobhu, my son is 17 and very much like you - wants no special treatment or notice. As a parent, I do my best to respect his wishes. At the same time, I have a perspective that he does not.
My little sister is diabetic. She really hated telling people about her disease and thought it didn't require anything from other people. She rarely told people at work. However, one weekend when she was in her 20s, she attended an Outward Bound-type training weekend and just happened to tell her roommate (cheap company - required roommates) that she was diabetic.
Because of the change in exercise, her sugars dropped incredibly low in the middle of the night and she almost died. The only thing that saved her was the roommate remembered her diabetes and getting some orange juice into her before the paramedics got there.
My point is that teens are very aware of feeling socially awkward...but perhaps not as aware as they should be of risky behaviors. While the wish of every kid is to fit in and not be different during the teen years, there are good reasons for friends and school personnel to know about allergies (or diabetes), even if it can be embarrassing at times. It can be hard to think of yourself as different, but safety comes before social image.
I do agree that there comes a time when kids have to learn to just suck up being left out of food-oriented things, but that time is not the early school years with their constant cupcakes. I think most of the parents here recognize that they have to let go of the reins more and more, starting around 5th grade.
Here's my question for you: why do you feel the need to post on a board of mostly moms about this? I love that you're here - don't get me wrong - but I can't figure out what you're trying to tell us. Are you mad because moms who go overboard with their protections make your life harder?
P.S. Keep in mind that a lot of us find things so hard because we are dealing with MANY allergies, not just nuts.
As so many people have brought up so many times, allergies are a varied disease. There's a huge difference between the steps that different people have to take for different allergens. Then there's another huge leap between what we can expect in different social situations. I never want to do *anything* that diminishes someone else's challenges. ie: Even if I don't have to worry about cross contamination in some cases, I don't want to brush it off as something that someone else doesn't have to worry about.
I've run into a lot of situations where fellow allergy... contenders(?) will say something along the lines of "Well, I've never had that problems and all the people around me have no problem." without realizing that their situation isn't the only situation. Those are times when I wish there was less taboo associated with communicating our needs. Because they are needs. It feels kind of rude to call ahead and find out the whole menu for personal event, but we NEED to do it. There's no ill intent attached to the action. We just want to be factual and safe.
I would venture that, for that taboo to disappear, we need to decide in ourselves that we're not raising an uncomfortable subject. We're not being rude, or overbearing, or infringing on other people's "food rights". We're simply making sensible decisions. We check the weather before a road trip and that's not anything to be embarrassed over. Why not try to carry that same attitude over to our eating habits :)
Quote from: Astyas on May 25, 2012, 07:54:27 AM
As so many people have brought up so many times, allergies are a varied disease. There's a huge difference between the steps that different people have to take for different allergens. Then there's another huge leap between what we can expect in different social situations. I never want to do *anything* that diminishes someone else's challenges. ie: Even if I don't have to worry about cross contamination in some cases, I don't want to brush it off as something that someone else doesn't have to worry about.
I've run into a lot of situations where fellow allergy... contenders(?) will say something along the lines of "Well, I've never had that problems and all the people around me have no problem." without realizing that their situation isn't the only situation. Those are times when I wish there was less taboo associated with communicating our needs. Because they are needs. It feels kind of rude to call ahead and find out the whole menu for personal event, but we NEED to do it. There's no ill intent attached to the action. We just want to be factual and safe.
I would venture that, for that taboo to disappear, we need to decide in ourselves that we're not raising an uncomfortable subject. We're not being rude, or overbearing, or infringing on other people's "food rights". We're simply making sensible decisions. We check the weather before a road trip and that's not anything to be embarrassed over. Why not try to carry that same attitude over to our eating habits :)
:thumbsup:
I think some of the issue, especially for FA adults, is paternalism. I don't want peers / restaurants / manufacturers / whoever deciding on my behalf what is or isn't safe for me. I want them to give me enough information to make an informed decision, and then respect the decisions I make. Presumptive accommodation can be as frustrating and limiting as no accommodation, KWIM?
:yes: Absolutely true; I can see that this irritates my DD as well.
Quote from: booandbrimom on May 24, 2012, 06:07:25 PM
Here's my question for you: why do you feel the need to post on a board of mostly moms about this? I love that you're here - don't get me wrong - but I can't figure out what you're trying to tell us. Are you mad because moms who go overboard with their protections make your life harder?
First things first I'm not mad at anyone. And admittedly i may have neglected to look at the demographic of the forum before posting, so if at any time durring this post i have offended any one I am sorry for that.
Please don't feel unwelcome. I think it's an issue of perspective. As moms, we'll see the world differently than our kids will, whether it's FA's, make up, or who they should be dating. I for one would love to hear from your side of the FA perspective. Welcome!
I was at a support group forum recently and a leading pediatric allergist came as a guest speaker. Several school nurses were in attendance since the pediatric allergist was speaking. The nurses all kept asking questions like, "How do I know whether to believe the parents about these food allergies, I mean there seem like way too many kids with them now..." and "I spend a huge percent of my days accomodating these kids with food allergies! Why is this necessary, and how can I convince these parents that accomodations aren't necessary?" etc.
The 3 nurses all seemed so doubtful it was scary! One was elderly and more inquisiitive, and offered some perspective since she'd seen the changes over the years in # kids and range of food allergies. She seemed to accept the Allergist's advice that "It's your job to believe the parent, and my job to work with the parents on the child's medical needs". The other 2 nurses (they came together) were rude and arrogant. They were suspicious of "parents wanting accomodations". Again, Dr. put them in their place by saying, "it is your JOB to accept the medical information provided by parents and the necessity of the accomodations. It is NOT your place to doubt the parents". Several of us chimed in that there are always easy substitutions (e.g, buttons for pasta in art). ANd most of us were trying to scream STOP THE FOOD ACTIVITIES. It was such an obvious solution!
The nurses all seemed resentful of parents of kids with LTFA, or you could stay "tired of the special treatment" because it makes their jobs busier. And they doubted that it was life threatening, even though one nurse was talking after the meeting that she had administered an Epi to a student (elem), and the paramedics came and thought she was ok so refused to transport to hospital.
Quote from: rainbow on May 27, 2012, 07:21:39 PM
even though one nurse was talking after the meeting that she had administered an Epi to a student (elem), and the paramedics came and thought she was ok so refused to transport to hospital.
Oh, this is scary.
Quote from: mkobhu2 on May 22, 2012, 10:27:20 PM
I'm just wondering if I'm the only one out there that wishes that food allergies weren't taken as seriously as they are?
When you have a daughter like mine who is rushed to the hospital in an ambulance at less than 3 years of age (and more than once), receives 2 epi-pens, is hooked up to an IV for 5 hours with steroids and benedryl being pumped into them, and then needs to take prescription steroids for 4 days... maybe at that point you won't be tired of the special treatment and will agree food allergies are something that should be taken seriously.
I can understand that the OP himself does not want people making a big deal about his FAs. Maybe he will stick around and read things in the school forum that explain why we care about equal treatment for FA students in schools, families, etc. I hope he feels welcome to stick around.
Quote from: lakeswimr on May 29, 2012, 07:02:44 AM
I can understand that the OP himself does not want people making a big deal about his FAs. Maybe he will stick around and read things in the school forum that explain why we care about equal treatment for FA students in schools, families, etc. I hope he feels welcome to stick around.
I think that the same is true really, for most kids with food allergies. They don't want a big deal to be made out of it. But for a lot of kids, especially the young ones, it is important to them that they are accommodated. And though this can take a lot of behind the scenes planning, it can really, pretty easily (as someone who has worked in daycare and alternative ed.) be done without it seeming like a big deal.
Suppose one of my instructors wants to make pinecone bird feeders, but we know that we have a PA student. This is fine. Everyone uses sunbutter (barring a sunflower allergy) instead - everyone can do the activity without a big deal being made of it.
For adults (and I imagine, teens - my FAs are adult-onset), I think that a lot of people want to be as little of a burden as possible. I would rather just bring my own food to a function rather than someone who doesn't know what they are doing trying to make things allergy free. I don't want to be any trouble or call any more attention to it than necessary. I really have a hard time asking other people to change things to accommodate me. This is probably why I ended up having an anaphylactic reaction at work, but to be honest, before then, I had no reason to believe that I was THAT sensitive to apples, so it isn't something that I would have asked for in the first place.
Do teens and adults need to be accommodated at the same level as younger children? In most cases, probably not. But it is important for some people, and especially the younger kids.
Not FA - but when I went out of my way to have Halaal (I don't know if I spelled that correctly) marshmallows at camp so that all of the students could have s'mores, the kids that needed them were SO excited. Most of them had never had one before - and it was completely worth it.
There is a huge difference between a quiet aside of; "Oh, no big deal.. we'll do something that works for everyone, then..."
and a HUGE! MAJOR!! IMPORTANT!!!
ANNOUNCEMENT!! TO EVERYONE!!
:misspeak: :hiding:
The latter, I think that most of us would far, FAR prefer to do without. In a big, big way.
Quote from: mkobhu2 on May 26, 2012, 01:38:21 PM
Quote from: booandbrimom on May 24, 2012, 06:07:25 PM
Here's my question for you: why do you feel the need to post on a board of mostly moms about this? I love that you're here - don't get me wrong - but I can't figure out what you're trying to tell us. Are you mad because moms who go overboard with their protections make your life harder?
First things first I'm not mad at anyone. And admittedly i may have neglected to look at the demographic of the forum before posting, so if at any time durring this post i have offended any one I am sorry for that.
There's an adults-with-food-allergies sub-board, which tends to be a better place to bring stuff like this--I think a lot of us identify with what you're saying, but it really, really is a different situation for a parent trying to keep their kid safe than for an adult choosing or avoiding risks on their own behalf. Responsibility for the life and safety of another person is a HUGE game-changer, even when all the other variables are the same.
Quote from: Momcat on May 24, 2012, 05:25:22 PM
I agree with the OP that shows of "concern" are embarrassing and ultimately not useful. I would rather see matter-of-fact accommodation without comment. I don't think it's healthy for my kids to hear expressions of pity and discussions of life-threatening possibilities as a matter of course.
Again, FA-adult perspective: I avoid events with food because of how much I hate the invasions of privacy, assumptions, and inquisitive / pitying attention that come with disclosure of food allergies. For me, it's not just a pity / comfort thing: I don't interrogate acquaintances and co-workers about their bodies and medical histories, and as far as I'm concerned, mine are none of their g*dd*mn business (with the obvious exception of the HR department, which, at least at my company, is
cool responsible about confidentiality). Some of the worst fights I've gotten in with my partner come from the fact that he considers it incredibly rude to request accommodations without exhaustive explanation, and I both profoundly disagree and am
incredibly uncomfortable with other people disclosing personal information on my behalf.
(Another reason I love, love, love having allergy cards I can just *hand* to people at restaurants: they obviate like 90% of the awkward, invasive conversations.)
Usually when someone is painstakingly careful about my child's allergies -- its a one book author. The effort was so great that I can bet that they will find a way to not invite me the next year.
On the other hand, like the above poster -- my heart is a little more warmed by some measure of consideration. When people are inconsiderate - its a bad lesson for him -- the adults are not modelling good behaviour.
So, what my child gets is not one treatment or the other. He gets a grab - bag. One friend will make her child's b-day cake rather than risk my child having a reaction, even when I tell her to please just get the sheetcake of her choice. And some parents will bring treats to school without a thought as to whether or not my son can partake. No email. Nothing.
But the whole social exchange is not fun. We'd much rather be able to follow the rules of politeness. My girlfriend was in big trouble as a child if she either did not say "no thank you" to food offered to her as a geust, or eating it and saying it was delicous no matter what it was. I remeber saying "no thank you" to an aunt and having my plate heaped with food despite my declinig it. Well, fa kids just aren't able to participate in this kind of geust/host relationship.
Quote from: hopechap on June 03, 2012, 02:09:16 AM
Usually when someone is painstakingly careful about my child's allergies -- its a one book author. The effort was so great that I can bet that they will find a way to not invite me the next year.
I hope that's not true of everyone that takes the time.
Prior to dealing with fa's myself, I was friends with a woman who's son had multiple fa's. Over time, I had discovered what he could/could not eat. She never asked for anything special for him. But each year, my kids birthday parties were a little bit better for him. Keeping in mind, this was back in the 80's, and there was no "may contain" warnings, and most parents didn't really think about it....he could not eat pizza, so my kids chose hot dogs instead, so everyone could eat at the party. He could eat cake, but not icing, so I made cupcakes and half of them had jam on top instead of icing. I knew he would select one with jam, so there was no singling out by doing this. Instead of ice-cream, we had a sorbet.
To me, it was so worth it. The smile on his face....priceless. His mom phoning me crying her thanks when he told her what I had done...priceless.
All these years later...I'd go the extra distance to eliminate may contains. And I'd do it so only the mom knew the details and she could stay or not, and let her child know what (everything!) was safe for him/her.
Quote from: hopechap on June 03, 2012, 02:09:16 AM
Usually when someone is painstakingly careful about my child's allergies -- its a one book author. The effort was so great that I can bet that they will find a way to not invite me the next year.
Fortunately, we have never experienced this. Maybe we are just lucky, or perhaps people in Willowdale are extra nice?:)
Quote from: candyguru on June 03, 2012, 07:29:39 PM
Quote from: hopechap on June 03, 2012, 02:09:16 AM
Usually when someone is painstakingly careful about my child's allergies -- its a one book author. The effort was so great that I can bet that they will find a way to not invite me the next year.
Fortunately, we have never experienced this. Maybe we are just lucky, or perhaps people in Willowdale are extra nice?:)
Same here - not our experience. People who have treated DD well have done so repeatedly!
Oh we have those in our lives that supposedly get it like DS1's teacher who had nieces with Celiac or the room mom who was so sympathetic about how DS1 handled his allergies. That teacher then went on to plan a 100 days activity that caused DS1 much anxiety because it was all sorts of gluteny items which while he didn't have to touch, other kids had them spread all over their desks as they graphed them (just found that out in one of our discussions about what he would like changed about next year). That parent who was so sympathetic said to me "Your DS is so good about his allergies that he won't mind participating". WHAT IN THE HELL?
His kindy teacher was a nightmare on wheels who meant well, gave lots of lip service and put his health at risk on several occassions (ie when DS felt itchy all over, they brought him to the nurse who saw nothing but told him to come back if he was still itchy but they wouldn't let him leave again or when she told him to sit down when he said he felt wheezy - she lied about both issues btw). DS1 is a rule follower but I had to convince him if it happens again that he needs to walk out of class and go straight to the nurses office and that we would deal with the consequences. I had to remind him over and over again that only he knows how he is feeling.
Yeah, I know it's wheat, rye, barley and egg and you cannot imagine your life without them and I know you could just die if you couldn't have bread, well guess what - he can. I also hate people telling me that they could never do that and I should be nominated for sainthood (lady, if you knew what I was thinking about you for the last statements you made, you would understand sainthood is not in my future). Really? Am I supposed to let my child starve or do I get off my butt and find some safe, healthy and tasty items for the family.
I keep the lines of communication open with my kids. For now, they prefer having their own treats. I do like that our school hands them out at lunch so both boys don't feel "as different". It's more apparent for DS1 and he thankfully is okay with being outspoken about having allergies and maybe that will change.
We also talk about what did and didn't work at school as a whole (moreso in the last week or so as we gear up for notes with the allergist and get ready to redo our allergy plan in the upcoming months). I have my own allergies and know how I feel about them but my allergies were either developed later in life or not as big an issue.
I know that we have had failures in the journey - DS1 wanted to abandon his own treats in preschool mainly because the teacher made a big deal about them and other kids wanted to have his or asked why they couldn't pick. Now DS1 wants two kinds of treats at his teachers desk and she gives him one before lunch quietly. So yes, in that way he doesn't want the focus on him.
It's a learning process for all of us.
Yes, what hope Hopechapel describes is exactly our experience. Sadly.
Corrected Hopechapel's name---silly autocorrect changed it to Halle.
Yes, mixed grab-bag of responses.
Unpredictably so, which is even sadder; it would be one thing if it were 'self-absorbed' people that blew things off the most, or decided that it was an overblown PITA or something. Because then you could avoid some of the angst by knowing which people were going to be ugly and which ones would be one-trick ponies... and which ones complete GEMS...drama-llamas... or micro-managers from hell... if only I could predict it by knowing the person. <sigh>
It's not that simple. At least, not always. Sometimes it's the friend who would otherwise give you the shirt off of his/her back. That hurts even worse than when the neighborhood turkey can't be bothered. It feels much more personal.