When a teacher concludes your LTF-allergic child was lying about an incident.

[lilpig99]

Thanks for your comments. I've combined them into a great working tool for my own situation. I hope someone else finds it useful as well!!

And Going Forward
Efforts by my son to self-advocate need to be affirmed.
Objectively assess motivation for the accusation. The allergic child is motivated by safety. What would he gain by lying?
Any further conversations with my son needs to be done with the knowledge of his processing/conveying difficulty. (ADHD)
His ADHD may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him; he may get lost in the question.
How are you going to restore my child's trust?
A 'he-said she-said' confrontation is not appropriate when dealing with a threatening allergy incident.
Beware - my child is now much less comfortable  in reporting subjective symptoms of a major reaction in its earliest (ie-- most treatable) stage.
Beware - He may attempt to hide symptoms due to feeling INTIMIDATED in his efforts at self-advocacy.

[ajasfolks2]

Don't want to oversimplify, but . . .

The allergic child is motivated by safety.

also makes me want to ask the counterpart question:

"What is the teacher's motivation?" . . .

And in the back of my head (ok, perhaps in front of my head) is my answer:

"CYA".


~ ~ ~

And I think about ADHD & other related and how often this may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him/her literally vs the child's misinterpretation of (or getting lost in) the intent of the question.


~ ~ ~

Our cafeterias now have camera surveillance.  *cough cough*

Too bad they didn't have it LAST year when the kid threw the bag of pnuts at son and hit him in shoulder . . . but at least there were other credible witnesses that day.

~ ~ ~

You're all over it, lilpig!

[lilpig99]

Holy cow, aj!! I can't imagine a carton of eggs hitting my son. Good grief!

And I think about ADHD & other related and how often this may mean a bowing to authority and an inability to discern WHAT is being asked of him/her literally vs the child's misinterpretation of (or getting lost in) the intent of the question.

Thank you for this. It's perfect.

[Janelle205]

Hugs to you and your son.  You got lots of great advice here.


Reminds me of my second grade teacher - who was about as far from warm and fuzzy as you could get.  She had a paddle (yes, seriously) hanging on her wall, and she explained to us that the reason that there were holes drilled in it was so she could swing it harder.

I eventually had to get my first pair of glasses in second grade when the school told my mom that I failed the vision test.  I had told my teacher that I couldn't see the writing on the board two months earlier, and my desk was all the way in the back of the room.  Instead of moving my desk, or maybe passing it on to my mom, the teacher told me that if I couldn't see, I would have to sit on the floor.  I spent nearly two months, sitting on the floor in the front of the room, propping my work up on the back of a book so that I could see the board.

[lilpig99]

Wow Janelle. It always amazed me how the school admin can simply overlook these things. Teachers who yell constantly, etc., etc...

[joanna5]

The way that teacher handled it was inexcusable.  I hope you get some good results with the principal.

[rainbow]

I think you need to give this teacher a copy of the article about the girl that died at an elementary school in VA on 1/2.

[hk]

No helpful advice, but I'm so sorry you are dealing with this.  We are in the middle of a similar situation without the added insult of the teacher saying DD is a liar.  You must be beside yourself.

[lilpig99]

Finally posting about our meeting. I apologize for not getting back sooner.

The principal did show up to the meeting and he sort of 'ran' it actually. Probably a good idea as I sensed the teacher appeared somewhat bothered. My son did attend the meeting as well. I do feel like I was able to convey ALL of my thoughts on the matter. The teacher did not admit that she said she'd have to tell me that he lied. I got another story entirely. So, I was left feeling that my son had a somewhat different perspective on the matter, due to ADHD processing?Possibly....BUT the fact remained that his trust in his teacher was left broken, that his first attempt at self-advocacy did NOT go well at all, and that I needed to convey that she MUST rebuild that trust. No apology was given.

All in all, I called her on the carpet, she knew I was not the type of mom that would just let it go, ever. I think she knew that I'm a mom who expects more.

............

And guess what.....today was her last day as the sub. It's a good thing...the ADHD issues we're having are so difficult for a teacher like her to deal with. But happy teacher returns tomorrow......oh. yeah! 

[SilverLining]

Glad that teacher is gone.

The teacher now is returning, so she and your son know each other?  Is she aware of the fact that your son lost trust in the sub?  At his age, he may have a bit of mistrust for all teachers for a while, but this might be less so if he already knows and trusts the teacher that's returning.

Hope all goes well for him.

[ajasfolks2]

I might consider a brief meeting with "happy" teacher to discuss?

[Arkadia]

Id personally let it go now that youve discussed it with the principal present if you have no issues with the reg teacher.


you dont want to appear you are

a. micromanaging people.

b. infantalizing the teacher or principal you like.

c. a nag.

Ask me how i know.