Making your teen tell others

[booandbrimom]

Since I see there's a brand new board...thought I would add to the topic list with something that's making me crazy.

My son has a girlfriend now. They started dating in December. A couple of weeks ago, she asked me something about why DS couldn't eat something. As it turns out, he has told her nothing about his allergies. Not what they are, not how to treat them, not where he can eat and not eat.

This doesn't reassure me for college. I just don't think he has the option to tell no one and still have the support he needs in the event of an event.

What are your rules around mandatory telling? How do you enforce them? If your child doesn't tell friends/classmates, etc., do you take it upon yourself to tell them?

[CMdeux]

What are your rules around mandatory telling? How do you enforce them? If your child doesn't tell friends/classmates, etc., do you take it upon yourself to tell them?

Ohhhhhboy...

well, my DD and your DS have some personality features in common, let's just say.

Yes, I have a rule about telling.  My DD doesn't necessarily share my specific guidance in the fine print, here, however. 

Enforcement??    Oh.  Right.  Yeah, nobody can MAKE my DD do pretty much anything she decides not to do.  All I can do is make it a larger pain in her rump NOT to.  That is, I will simply hound her at every turn until she relents and at least has a rudimentary conversation on the subject.  I have been willing to use pretty much every means available there, though-- up to and including stalking behavior.  In other words, her autonomy is conditional on compliance on this particular matter, in our minds as parents.  Tell, or have mom and dad there at every step as your "safety net" since you've CHOSEN not to have a safety net comprised of peers.  Your choice.

No, we don't tell.  That's kind of our cardinal rule, and has been since DD was about seven.  If she has a desire to retain her privacy, and has a gut-level reason for not trusting someone with the information, I feel that we have to respect that.

ETA: 

This is one of the reasons why I am so excited by (and determined to obtain) the new Auvi-Q injectors, however.  As long as she's wearing that MedicAlert bracelet, I figure that a close friend would go hunting for meds after seeing that it mentioens carrying epinephrine.  That one will properly walk a bystander through it, unlike the conventional Epipens.

[Macabre]

Ugh--haven't quite gotten there.  In a new city, this was his first opportunity not to be the allergy kid.  At our 504 meeting the school wanted him to announce it to his homeroom--since they eat in there every Friday (and eat in pretty much every class all the time).  No way--he did NOT want that. 

However, he has told a few friends. And yesterday after getting the Auvi-Q he wanted to train some friends (we've not trained peers to use his Epi).  But once he dates--yes, oh yes. He will have to say something.

The thought of that kind of friend not knowing is terrifying.

[GoingNuts]

*Sigh*

DS has had many of the same friends since Pre-K and elementary school, so everyone here pretty much knew.  Plus, he had a couple of close friends with many of the same allergies so it just made life so easy.

So now he's up at college, and I made him swear that he would epi-train his roommate and several close friends.  He says he did.  Do I know for a fact that he did it?  Nope.  Makes me crazy just thinking about it, especially since I know how he hates talking about it or calling attention to it.

And now last week he dropped a subtle hint that there may be a girlfriend involved.  I hope she is as vigilant as the last one, who was fantastic about keeping him safe, as was her mom.  Too bad they weren't compatible in other ways, LOL.  I was tempted to tell him to just suck it up because he'd never find anyone as careful has she was. 

[PurpleCat]

So far...so good.  DD knows, you want to be safe....people must know.  She tells them and has for a few years now.  She tells not only friends but new coaches, new teachers, and if she's new to a friend's house, their parents.

We've talked about boyfriends and trust.....boys are less yucky now....but so far just distant crushes.  Time will tell.