New to all of this--DS SFA reaction last night?

[CMdeux]

but most of them have medical backgrounds (nurses and emt's), so they aren't going to intentionally "test" by exposing.

One certainly HOPES not.

But I'm here to tell you that in fifteen years, man, have I ever been SHOCKED by people that I know well so failing the Captain Obvious test on that one.

Unless you live it, truly "getting it" is a limited and fairly binary thing.

My family and I were talking about this the other day-- it seems to be a binary yes/no condition that can fail on either of two counts:

a) gets it emotionally-- that this is your reality-- and WANTS to understand and care for you/yours-- no questions asked.  Would NEVER challenge you about your allergy or your stated needs, but often still wants to include you and share with you.

b) gets it intellectually/cognitively and recognizes risks adequately-- understands cross contamination, brand specificity, shared lines, etc. etc. etc. and also understands-- TRULY understands-- that anaphylaxis can kill, and how.

I've found that most people in my life (about 90% of them) fail on some combination of the two things.  Usually, the overconfident ones are good on point a, but clueless with b.  They're the ones you should NOT trust, no matter how earnest and loving they are, no matter how many times you've explained things to them.  Problematically, they are often extremely frustrated that you won't accept their cooking.  They can't get it well enough.  The other kind tend to be where the medically/scientifically trained people fall.  Oh, they GET it all right.  Academically.  But they think that this is someone ELSE's problem.  Not your problem.  YOU, they think is over-reacting and probably just needs to be jolted out of your doom and gloom.  They'd be willing to help there, because they know better than you do.  Really, they'd be doing you a FAVOR to show you that you really are overly worried about being part of that group when you aren't... by, you know, demonstrating that the worst that could happen is SO minor...  Being scientifically/medically trained where you aren't, see.

That group gives me the willies.  Because they can give every sign that they are 150% trustworthy, even when they aren't.  They should know better (and they do-- as noted, with "those poor unfortunate people affected by this awful thing"); they just don't believe that YOU are in that group.  They may think that YOU are an attention-seeker, maybe even a helicopter mom sliding toward Munchausen in your bids for attention. 

Yes, I know this isn't so.  I'm a member of the "my family has believed that I might have a psychiatric disorder because of my child's FA's" club.  But I can assure you that those people ARE out there.  They are extremely dangerous.  Go with your gut-- if you don't trust someone that your brain says you SHOULD trust, there's usually a GOOD reason.  It may be in microexpressions of disbelief, etc. as you've talked to them or something like that.  Most of them have some kind of 'tell' that they aren't buying your particular narrative.   At that point, being MORE emphatic only makes them dig their heels in, and you're much better off just not entrusting the food allergy to that person until they come to you, sheepish and apologetic (or give another indication that they've had their Come to Jesus moment without YOU in an ambulance).

KWIM?

My DH calls this a "civilian misunderstanding" of sorts-- they can't get it because they don't live it. 

[DysonsMom]

Thank you. I will keep that in mind and watch like a hawk! I am not going to leave him with anyone other than at his school until we have an epipen on hand and see an allergist. My twin sister is the only one who will keep him after that. They daycare is petrified and not taking any risks.
I was talking to a coworker yesterday and her response to everything going on was, "Oh no. You have to live in that world now." That pretty well sums up how I feel--like I have somehow crossed over into an alternate reality and no one else quite sees it yet.

[LinksEtc]

CM, that post was amazing. 

Just wonderful.