I need help formulating an educated response to this:

[NBlakemore]

" the school my kids go to has just gone 'nut free' for one student with a severe allergy. part of me gets it, but another part of me wants to know where the line is drawn? next year if there's a child with a severe milk allergy will the school become dairy free, too? what if a child is allergic to pet hair? Do all the kids have to have a pet free home so they're not bringing pet hair into the classroom on their clothes? i nannied for a child with a severe allergy to milk. The family still had milk in the house for the other family members to drink/use. He had to have an epi-pen everywhere with him, but he KNEW not to eat anything his mom didn't pack for him in his school lunch. i think it goes both ways. I need to give my kids the knowledge that other kids might be allergic to different foods and make sure my kids don't swap/share food with other kids in school. And also, the child with the allergy (that they're going to have to live with for their whole life) needs to be taught what they can/can not eat."



Background:

Yesterday in a very passive aggressive way, one of the mothers at my school posted (where I could see it on FB) how brokenhearted her son is over the peanut/treenut ban from his (and my son's) classroom.  She went on to say that the whole class shouldnt have to suffer just because one kid has allergies, and that there should be a compramise.  The uneducated school nurse had suggested a *nut friendly table (kids eat in the class they learn in at this school)* to all the parents, and got their hopes up.  Well, as we all know, you can't designate a peanut friendly section of a childs' classroom and expect that even with hand washing it will be safe and uncontaminated.  And what about the nuts under their nails?  On the floor?  In their mouths which they seem to love putting on everything from pencils to folders...?  Anyway, this mother suggested that if I was THAT worried about my son I'd homeschool him if I put his needs first.  She also went on and on about how she and her son are miserable, it's not fair, and how I shouldn't have fought the nurse's plan. 

That prompted me to post this article:
http://moms.today.com/_news/2011/06/21/6909366-allergy-backlash-skeptic-moms-flout-no-peanut-rules?lite

I got some very supportive comments, and then my friend (notorious for having a different point of view from everyone else) posts the quote above. 
I think some of her suggestions are rediculous (please, getting rid of all pets?)... and I need a thoughtful, intelligent, educated response.

If any of you could give me some ideas for a response they would be most appreciated.

My son is allergic/aniphilactic to peanuts/treenuts, and allergic to milk, soy, citrus fruits, acidic foods, bee stings, pet dander, hayfever/seasonal outdoor allergies, he has acute asthma, and also eczema.  All of these allergies and all I ask for other people to alter in their lives is bringing nuts while they are in school.  They have no idea how much more *inconvenient* having a child with allergies is.  All they can focus on is what they "can't have", while we live our lives trying to focus on what he CAN have.

Thank you so much in advance for taking the time to read this and offering support/ideas in any way.

I'm so glad I found this group! [/size][/size][/color][/font]

[rebekahc]

Oftentimes, it's better to just not reply.  These people are looking for a fight and you'll likely never change their minds.  BUT, we once had a member who joined specifically to argue with us that bans were a terrible idea, etc.  She basically had the same argument in the quote you posted.  Here's a copy of a letter she wrote.  She shared it with us and was an active member of our forum for quite a while. 

turlisa's letter

[YouKnowWho]

I simply remind people that peanuts and tree nuts often leave behind a sticky residue that is seldom seen by the naked eye, making it harder to clean and easier for a reaction to occur.

I also point out that Trader Joe's has Sunbutter and Walmart offers Soy Nut Butter that are comparable in price, calories, fat and protein to standard peanut butter.  I also let them know that I have a fantastic list of suggestions for snacks if they are stumped on what to send in. 

Other parents often thank the parents for making this sacrifice for just a few hours a day to keep their child safe (I do have a peanut allergic child but have not had a ban on nuts in the classroom because he has not shown any signs of needing it, however I am in total agreement with children who do...if that makes sense).

Say it with a smile and a cheery attitude.  Don't get bogged down in the negativity and be itching for a fight.  Why?  Because you are an ambassador for a smooth transition to this kind of change. 

Also keep in mind, the parents might be a PITA about the change and whine like a 2yo in need of a nap, but it's the kids in the classroom that matter.  And thankfully most of them are more than happy to do what it takes to keep your child safe.  And sorry, I am not buying how her child is heartbroken to lose nutty products, this is more about her God given constitutional right to bear PB & J and that law fails to exist.

[Mfamom]

I also wouldn't reply.  You don't have to justify what accommodation the school puts in place for your child. 
I would let the school handle quesitons from parents. 
it is too bad people are so self centered!  I never had this type of response from people and I think its such a shame that people feel it is okay to debate about a child's accommodations in a public forum.

[Mfamom]

and welcome to the forum!

[SilverLining]

My first thought was also about turlisa's letter.

[hedgehog]

That was my first thought too.  Glad Rebekah posted the link.  NBlakemore,lease read that letter, if you have not already, it is excellent.  And welcome.

[Macabre]

I agree--don't start justifying accommodations with other parents. Don't even talk about them at all.

There probably is some give and take. My son went to a pf preschool/daycare, which was very important.  But by the time he got to kindergarten, it wasn't necessary to go that far to keep him safe--as the kids were maturing.  His class was PF, and the school did a lot of things in the lunchroom and around the school to keep him safe.  There have been times folks have grumbled about the minimal stuff we've had for accommodations, but it only made it worse to try and negotiate with them. 

[rainbow]

Don't reply.  But you may want to consider printing out the facebook comment and sharing it with the school nurse (or teacher) if you are comfortable doing that.  My experience is the professionals have no idea how stressful this is for the family of the child with the allergy.

Keep these facts in your back pocket - to support your case when questioned (though honestly looking back, I should have just walked away from those conversations):

- 90% of reactions in schools come from peanuts/nuts
- 3/4 reactions in schools do NOT occur in the lunchroom - they occur in classroom and on field trips
- "Nut free classroom" is a standard accomodation in classrooms all across the US and recommended by the doctors as a risk reduction measure.
- Young children touch things and touch their mouth/nose/eyes, and supplies are often shared - that is how contact becomes ingestion
- Kids can eat what they want the rest of the day; the request is simple...please consider the safety of a child in the class that can DIE if they ingest nuts

I'm not sure this mom is really your "Friend". 
You will probalby find out this year who are real friends, and who are not...it's tough...hang in there.

[YouKnowWho]

I understand both sides of the don't say anything, do say something.

I prefer to state it as a matter of fact in regards to the peanut protein.  I am willing to be helpful in regards to offering suggestions because let's face it, in your average grocery store Sunbutter is averaging $6-7 a jar and given this economy, it is probably not going to help our argument.  So yes, I offer the TJ/Walmart suggestions. 

This is not up for give and take with me.  They are statements, not arguments.  Some people freak out at the lack of options in regards to a shelf stable sandwhich.  I am trying to be sensitive to their point of view.  I have a friend whose child is autistic and has sensory issues so yes, PB is a staple for him.  But when you put forth nicely that there are other options that are of similar taste, texture, protein, fat, caloric count many people will find this a helpful.

Did you all handle a PB diagnosis calmly?  I sure as heck didn't.  And frankly our allergist sending me over to FAAN wasn't helpful either.  It was sites like this that made it doable.  Was it easy for you to read labels and understand which companies don't label well?  Yeah, not so much for me either.  Would you be willing to help a newly diagnosed person?  Than why not help those who might need help navigating a non-peanut world for the first time.

This whole the world is against approach has to stop.  Like I said in my previous post, we can either be good ambassadors by offering helpful suggestions or we can continue to come off as "those parents", kwim?  Are we going to win the argument with the the 5-10% who will continue to feel their rights have been violated by removing PB from the classroom.  In all likelihood, no.  However there are probably a lot of lurkers who would like a reasonable explanation as to why PB has been removed and how they can handle it when it comes to sending in snacks and lunches.

[rainbow]

This quote may help you (with teacher/nurse):

"It is not an exaggeration to say every morning when you have a food-allergic child, 'How am I going to help my child get through the day safely?'" said Sheela Raja, whose daughter is starting kindergarten in Oak Park this fall and has a food allergy."


Source:
http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2012-08-13/news/ct-met-epi-pens-madigan-20120814_1_katelyn-carlson-food-allergy-edison-regional-gifted-center

[rainbow]

IMO, the reason for the accomodation is RISK AVOIDANCE and the DATA that states most deaths in schools are from peanuts/nuts (see data above).

I don't think most of these people want a substitute - they just want to argue. It's not worth engaging with them.

Some people even on this site have trouble understanding why nuts get more accomodations. The simple fact is 90% of deaths in school from peanuts/nuts.  Milk allergy - if anaphylactic - requires special consideration and unique accomodations (but people won't necessarily understand it b/c they have trouble separating from intolerance).  Also, a "nut free classroom" has been generally accepted as an appropriate accomodation and one that is not difficult for schools to implement.

The slippery slope arguments (what if someone has gluten allergy? what about pet hair? etc). do not hold water (gluten allergy does not cause immediate anaphylactic shock upon ingestion; pet hair usually results in sneezing, etc).

[YouKnowWho]

IMO, the reason for the accomodation is RISK AVOIDANCE and the DATA that states most deaths in schools are from peanuts/nuts (see data above).

I don't think most of these people want a substitute - they just want to argue. It's not worth engaging with them.

Some people even on this site have trouble understanding why nuts get more accomodations. The simple fact is 90% of deaths in school from peanuts/nuts.  Milk allergy - if anaphylactic - requires special consideration and unique accomodations (but people won't necessarily understand it b/c they have trouble separating from intolerance).  Also, a "nut free classroom" has been generally accepted as an appropriate accomodation and one that is not difficult for schools to implement.

The slippery slope arguments (what if someone has gluten allergy? what about pet hair? etc). do not hold water (gluten allergy does not cause immediate anaphylactic shock upon ingestion; pet hair usually results in sneezing, etc).

I beg to differ with you on the gluten allergy - DS1 is allergic to wheat, rye and barley.  He has had ana rxns to both wheat and barley.  And to be honest, in a classroom where food is being eaten he is probably more likely to have a reaction if he is lax in how he does things.  To the average person, DS1's habits are going to seem strange and possibly prissy to others but it is what keeps him safe (extreme handwashing, napkins, anal retentive about wiping down his desk).  No, we haven't banned gluten in the classroom but then again, my school is not keen on even banning nuts. 

[CMdeux]

Yes.  YKW is completely correct-- it's just that outside of PN, it's so rare for a school to try to do a classroom ban of a particular food.

Instead, they do the (IMO) more sensible thing to begin with-- they remove FOOD from the learning environment. 

That is pretty much the only way to manage risk for a child who is extremely sensitve or has MFA including soy/milk/eggs/wheat.  Too much of what others consider "regular" food contains those things in abundance.

So.  Two reasons why peanut restrictions seem to come up more frequently:

a) there are MORE OF THESE KIDS.  That is, there are far more kids with PA who are still at risk of anaphylaxis at school age.  Most other parents don't see the MFA kids when they are preschoolers because it is simply not worth the trouble for us as parents to navigate such extreme risks for such little benefit.  Of course, a) here may just as well be "there is better recognition of anaphylaxis risk associated with peanuts, which is about 30-40% of people with peanut allergy"-- for better or for worse, actually, since a lot of kid with PA diagnosis from testing alone probably ARE NOT actually at anaphylaxis risk.  In any case, risk reduction is seen as a pretty worthwhile thing in those cases, and it often is not in cases where a child allergic to another food lacks a clear anaphylaxis history or has a known and fairly high threshold.   

b) They are more blatant/invasive and require more of other parents.  Therefore other parents hear about them.  If food isn't eaten in the classroom at all, then parents may not even know that their class has a food allergic child in it.

I also agree about being a good ambassador.  We should all bear in mind that what friends, family, and acquaintances learn about food allergies from us as individuals informs them going forward; if they learn that we are hysterical or unfriendly, that's obviously not good.

[YouKnowWho]

I am totally on board with banning nuts from a classroom.  Though I am with CM on the whole banning of food altogether.

It's not fun for a child who is not allergic to nuts to deal with a classroom full of gluten nor is it fun for that child when his allergies are discounted because people assume that only nuts cause an ana rxn.  Hell, I dealt with an allergist who told me that wheat, rye, barley, egg, etc will not cause ana rxns only nuts, seafood and possibly milk.  As a result, my son could have died because they told me I didn't need to give the epi pen when he had his first ana rxn.

Yes, I understand explaining to folks that ana is a distinct possibility in the classroom but if you could forgo telling them that wheat, rye, barley, etc won't likely cause an immediate reaction, I would prefer it.  Because it only serves to put my son and many others at risk.

I have two friends whose children have severe reactions to contact to milk - both of them have had it progress to ana rxns on several occassions.  As a result, they homeschool despite knowing that they could have a public education.  Why?  because removing milk from the classroom is more impossible than removing nuts.  And honestly I think we are doing a disservice to them by pulling these numbers out and stating that nut allergies trump their allergies.