Living with Food Allergies, 2013 and on

[GoingNuts]

 

[spacecanada]

I saw a No Nuttin (top-11 free) granola bar in a vending machine at a rec centre near my new house. Does that come close?

[hezzier]

Room parent finally sent out the food list for the V-day party at school on Friday.  She does remind everyone that there are allergies in the classroom so "as always nothing homemade".  She is asking parents to sign up to bring: fruit platter, veggie platter, fruit/veggie dip, cupcakes, cookies, water and juice.  Then says that these are just suggestions and if there is something else that you want to bring to let her know, so we have now added popcorn as well as the great response of..._______ and I will make rice krispie treats.

This just still continues to blow my mind. 

These kids have the late lunch period so will literally have just finished their lunches prior to this party.

We are skipping school for an out of town swim meet anyway, but in a school with a "wellness" policy that used to be good, this is a joke.  I think I will print out the emails from this party and the X-mas party and send them to the nurse because she does actually try.

[spacecanada]

I was recently hired as a spring break camp leader for a local rec centre.  I had to pause whilst reading the employee handbook and share that they require 'Anaphylaxis Emergency Care' and 'Asthma Emergency Care' forms to be attached to registration forms, as applicable.  :thumbs: 

Where I used to live, no matter how much I insisted on these forms, parents and other staff looked like I was part alien for asking for such documents.  Despite insistence, I was only ever able to get one from a parent (of at least 30 kids who should have had them).  It is really nice to see them part of the regular registration package here. 

[CMdeux]

   That's terrific!!

[Macabre]

You've apparently moved to the right place!

[spacecanada]

Mystery hives, itchy redness, and swelling three days in a row on the same part of my arm after being in the kitchen. Very unnerving. It is my upper arm, and we suspect contact reaction, but from what we don't know. Sigh.

I guess I am skipping my allergy shot today and going tomorrow.

[MaryM]

Rough, emotional night on the food allergy front.  Tech dinners for the show DD is in are in full swing.  Tonight was baked ziti, the night before Hoagies and on Monday, pizza.  Each night DD tried to sit as far away from everyone as possible.  She is nervous, I understand but I know she is ok. She is not sitting with toddlers, they are almost all older than she is.  I did manage to get her to sit with the other kids - she left one seat in between.  Thats ok, at least she can be social.  I got her a napkin, out of the package, not off of the buffet table.  She refused to use it bc it might not be safe    I ended up going into the teachers lounge and the assistant director asked if i was ok and I had an allergy, stress cry...then I was ok until I heard that tomorrow they are having Chick-Fil-A and a sweet HS student told the ensemble kids she was going to make cake pops for the entire cast.   I got up to go to the bathroom, trying not to cry again.  One of the middle school kids was coming out as I was going in.  She must have noticed bc a few minutes later the cake pop girl came in.  She was so sweet, offered me a hug.  I told her that DD gets stressed at the dinners and that its hard as a parent to watch your kid not be able to have what everyone else is having.  I am emotionally spent.  WE live in a happy bubble at the elementary school....I felt like we were back in preschool with all the desserts and food stuff.  Tomorrow, DD and I are going to either eat together in the teacher's lounge or go out during the dinner.  She complained that she should be allowed to stress around milk if I get that way around peanut - I guess except she is going to do a pizza challenge in June and my allergies got worse as I got older.  I am a rambling mess.  A glass of wine, a little bite to eat and I am going to put this day to bed.

Oh and the other Jane is allergic to peanuts but has no Epi-Pen.  She swelled up once....OMG....I told her mom about how my allergies got worse and that she NEEDS and Epi.  Deaf ears.....annoying too - I worry for that child.  It was her bday - mom brought a bakery cake and told me the warnings that the bread served may contain peanuts, tree nuts, milk etc was just generic...

[spacecanada]

Oh, Mary!    The food-social connection really does get worse in adulthood.  The rate of people with readily accessible epinephrine (on their person) is disturbingly low too.  It sucks.   

Your post brought tears to my eyes too,   

[MaryM]

DD and I talked while she was lying in bed about the food-social thing.  I told her I would never knowingly ask her to do something that wasn't safe and that even if you have to bring your own food you can still be social.  I told her we always have our Epis bc they are our friend, even if it is scary and might hurt.  I'm also reinforced our rule of no label, no eat by telling her that I didn't have any baked ziti bc even thoug there was an ingredient list a parent told me she added sauce and couldn't remember what kind.

[Macabre]

Oh Mary yeah, we've seen so much more food in HS than MS. But the place where we did encounter it there was theatre. And in HS, food around theatre, too. One director of straight plays always has food--but I always coordinate it. And for musicals I've always been the one to coordinate the food. We'll see what happens with this last musical. The director is the straight play director, so I imagine it will be me.

It's the only way I have found to control the stress around all the food. It's become a lot more stressful to coordinate since working, but still it's better than not being able to control it.


It is so tough-- and dealing with multiple food allergies just compounds all the stress. I'm sorry.

[MaryM]

The director did not want to have elaborate tech dinners this year but the parents had a hissy fit.  It would be easier if this were our community and I could have been more involved.  It's almost over.  Just sad to see DD's anxiety.

Edited to add that these parents must be the cupcake queens from years ago.  The ones who made your now HS kids feel badly when they insisted on bringing in cupcakes just because...- 2 sheet cakes coming in for tech dinner tonight....

[PCat]

   so sorry Mary!    for your DD too!

DD has been there.  And I echo, food and social situations become more frequent and more complex as our kiddos get older.  We are not in theater but deal with food with her sports teams and their banquets, NHS and Student Council events, etc...

Your DD is young and what I can tell you is as she grows up, small steps, successful evenings and events, lower anxiety (it never disappears completely) she will cope better, she will feel more empowered.  All this at her own pace, each kiddo is ready at different times, no real time table. 

You are a great Mom and your DD knows you have her back!  And over time, the tools you give her will help her navigate and own food situations.  Your DD will have better experiences.

It is really awesome when my DD presents a situation with a solution already figured out!  And although I know she is capable, her homework load is huge so sometimes an event will come up and I will right away offer to do the research and find a solution knowing she does not have the time or that she is already stressed with other things.

Because these are not your DD's classmates, it is a bit different, but when your DD is with her classmates, you may be surprised to find more inclusion or at least an effort.  I hope you do.  Last year's softball banquet was being planned by moms of two seniors (DD was a sophomore) and they contacted me right away to ask how to make it safe for DD.  Meanwhile the coach emailed me too asking the same thing.  The coach bought safe Lofthouse Cookies and Nut Free cupcakes and ordered a smaller sheet cake with the team message.  The safe snacks became part of the dessert table and DD was asked to serve herself first.  For the buffet meal, the Mom's had the restaurant contact me, we came up with modifications for DD and the Mom's were very careful to keep DD's portions set aside away from the buffet and they made a plate for DD!  I sat back and enjoyed myself.

My DD is now 16......and licensed.....and most recently drove herself to the mall, met a group of friends, shopped, went out to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory, and drove herself home!  Like it was nothing!  That is the best!  And when she is eating out with friends, she likes to text me photos of her dinner plate bragging at the yummy food she has to eat!  That makes me laugh and makes me glad she wants to share this with me.

Of course now we face Prom (I'll have to share Promposal with allergies story someday soon), boys (kissing and whatever), and I want to go no run back to those days of preschool and cupcake moms instead of the conversations we have now  )

Yes, DD has food anxiety but she is less fearful.  During a college tour this summer she hit it off really well with our tour guide and when asked what she might be worried about going off to college, she said eating safely in a college cafeteria.  That tour guide took her to the cafeteria and showed her how they deal with allergies and had a kitchen person speak to her!  She was able to vocalize her anxiety to a stranger!  And that stranger gave her some great information!



On another note, I went shopping and out to lunch with a friend for her birthday yesterday.  We had a great time!  She is allergic to gluten (she is the one I safely bake for).  She ordered a safe meal, the same as she always orders when we eat there, but she did not stress gluten allergy to her waiter.  She stared having "glass in her eyes" feeling as we left the restaurant and thought it was something in the air (perfumes can do this to her).  A short drive down the road and I was dangerously crossing 3 lanes of busy traffic to hit a pharmacy across the road.  I did not like her cough, knew she was in trouble, Benedryl, water, not much relief until I got her home and she took another dose.  She had run out of Benedryl in her purse, she has an epi pen but has never used it for gluten.  The second dose calmed that nasty cough and her breathing calmed.  Just her glassy eye and the start of her expected bad stomach. 

A lesson when I got home for DD, yes you can order safely on the menu but never, ever, ever avoid saying "allergy" to a waitperson or food server!  Still teaching, supporting, and advocating for and with my DD.  A couple years ago, she asked me if when she is at college can she still text me anytime about food?  That would be a resounding YES!  Anytime!  I have her back!

[CMdeux]

EVERYTHING that P-cat said.  EVERYTHING.


My DD does not enjoy driving-- but it was essential.  Necessary, also, for her to have her own car.  She needs that particular locus of control. 

must be the cupcake queens from years ago

This is my hypothesis, yes.   

And theater people never seem to truly grow out of the food thing.  Sorry.  DD has dealt with it repeatedly even in college, and MAN, does that get old-old-old.

She has great support from her techie friends, who are just as tight on a production as the ensemble tends to be-- but the management?  Not so much, often.

[MaryM]

Thanks ladies.  Pcat -I am glad your friend was ok.

Had a chat with DD's teacher - she did't do her homework last night.  She forgot her book and I was supposed to print the page  and I forgot bc I was such a mess after the dinner.  Sigh.  Teacher says academically she is fine but the balancing is getting hard.  I feel like a terrible mother.  I am so guilty - I get to the school at 2:40 and math ends at 2:45 so she was missing the end of math - I thought they had transition time.  No one told me.  I told the teacher I thought she handled it pretty well up until the last few weeks and its more stressful.  I also told her that she should have told me if there were days when she needed DD to stay for assessments - that school always comes first.  I guess we both messed up.  DD told her teacher she didn't have to do her homework bc of theater?  I think she meant last night but we both forgot about it this morning.  She forgot to bring her folder to school a few days so she had late assignments.  Feeling very low and sad and nervous.   DH tells me not to worry about it.  I also just told the teacher that she is missing a week in April.  I know when DD looks back on this year it will be amazing and she won't remember the balancing issues/forgotten homework- she will remember her first lead role in a big show and an amazing family vacation where she can eat out safely.