This allergy is going to break my spirit

[GoingNuts]

I have nothing to add to the good advice you've already received, but wanted to shout out a Welcome! to you.   

[SilverLining]

I'd be curious to know where that nut free restaurant is, and can I tell you I am glad to hear you have an option now!

The restaurant is in Niagara Falls.  Unfortunately, I don't live there....but I think we might go back just for the food.

It's a husband and wife that own it.  The wife developed food allergies as an adult, and they really do "get it".

As for social.....I have attended some "dinners" where I eat before going.  People say "it's not about the food it's about the socializing, you should come".  And some mean it....and others get offended that I don't eat.

I have attended one wedding where the bride got all nasty because I would not eat the meal.  This was not someone I was close to. (My husband's assistant.) it was out of town, and she thought I should attend the ceremony, eat in the car, then attend the reception.  On my own anniversary.  I said no.  We could attend either the ceremony OR the reception.

My brother's wedding, and one of my son's weddings, I brought my own food.  My other son's wedding, they specifically chose a peanut-free caterer who could also provide a sesame free meal. (And a vegan meal for another guest.)

[jschwab]

I'd be curious to know where that nut free restaurant is, and can I tell you I am glad to hear you have an option now!

The restaurant is in Niagara Falls.  Unfortunately, I don't live there....but I think we might go back just for the food.

It's a husband and wife that own it.  The wife developed food allergies as an adult, and they really do "get it".

As for social.....I have attended some "dinners" where I eat before going.  People say "it's not about the food it's about the socializing, you should come".  And some mean it....and others get offended that I don't eat.

I have attended one wedding where the bride got all nasty because I would not eat the meal.  This was not someone I was close to. (My husband's assistant.) it was out of town, and she thought I should attend the ceremony, eat in the car, then attend the reception.  On my own anniversary.  I said no.  We could attend either the ceremony OR the reception.

My brother's wedding, and one of my son's weddings, I brought my own food.  My other son's wedding, they specifically chose a peanut-free caterer who could also provide a sesame free meal. (And a vegan meal for another guest.)

We always bring our own food when we go to parties and we don't eat at all at catered events (thought the kids do) and people are usually really nice about it, thank goodness. We tend to entertain a lot at our house and people are always glad to come to us because we try to make good meals. My husband has severe gluten issues that predate my allergies so we were already used to being the food outsiders when I developed my allergies. I was pretty mad because we'd already overhauled our diets a lot for him and were used to going without and being strict but food allergies are just a whole different level of needing to plan and be careful. Friends of ours are planning a wedding and planning to have the food allergen-free for us. I know I won't have that level of trust, though, so it will be hard to break it to them.

[SilverLining]

I'm in Canada, and I assume you are in US?

Up here more companies got on the peanut free bandwagon a long time ago.  I do think, overall, allergen labelling is better here.

Most catering companies that want to do schools, day cares, daycamps, etc., must be able to provide peanut safe food.  Sometimes the entire company must be peanut free to get the contracts.  Now, many of those places are also insisting the catering company be able to accommodate other allergens.  So, when my son was getting married, he was adamant that his mom would NOT eat out of Tupperware, so he specifically questioned about allergens.

So, in this case, it was not a caterer doing anything special for me, it was finding a caterer that already does it all the time.

[jschwab]

Yes, in the US where it IS getting better and there is a lot of awareness but there are also a lot of people with allergies who don't have issues with contamination so there are different levels of attention by kitchen staff depending on their personal knowledge. I think it's the "multiple" in the multiple food allergies that's part of why I can't eat out. I have shellfish, milk and now nuts, plus I have some food intolerances. That is just a lot to cover. I get a rash from rice so I stopped eating it a long time ago. Chocolate gives me a migraine as do any natural flavors or MSG (nearly instantly). I don't eat gluten because it makes my husband very sick, even crumbs. I trust two chains and I've always done well in vegan restaurants so long as its not fake meat based but I've had serious reactions from cross-contamination from independent restaurants where I was assured everything was handled properly so I just stopped trying new ones. One time I nearly passed out on my nine year old after eating a very simply prepared steak at a pub style restaurant and the waitress seemed extremely careful and knowledgable. We were alone and I was stressed that my daughter had to deal with that and that's when my restaurant going ended. I don't know if there is a "severity" scale for food allergies but mine have always been sensitive. I know a ton of people with food allergies who never, ever have to worry about cross-contamination at all but I have always had issues. I was just talking to a mom last night whose son has shellfish allergy but eats everywhere and just does not order shellfish. That is very far from where I am at although I was hoping to get closer to that over time. I was feeling like maybe I was getting less sensitive just because it had been a long time since a cross reaction but then this new, more severe allergy popped up.

[SilverLining]

I do react to cross contamination.  Other then the one restaurant and one catered wedding, I don't eat out.  Our vacation was two days drive, and we ate out if the cooler.  Just not worth the risk.

Rented a cottage with a full kitchen and brought my own bread machine.  I have found a safe bread where I live! but even if the same brand of bread is available so far away! it would be from a different plant, so I would have to verify it's safety.

[jschwab]

We always carry everything in the cooler, too. We've turned to camping and outdoors activities where it's normal to carry your own food for family vacations and that's been good.

Peanuts are so tough for contamination - I can't imagine it's very easy at all. I'm so glad to hear you were able to eat out on those special occasions, though. It makes a difference... We've been lucky to have a little Italian restaurant to go to when we need a nicer place to celebrate. Every dish is prepared in its own single pan and then oven finished so cross contamination is a lot less likely - there is no grill contamination to contend with. They are phenomenal and check every single ingredient and even keep alternative products in the kitchen in case someone comes in with a dietary issue. They even have dessert I can eat (wine poached pears). On the road, we've been able to completely and utterly trust Outback and Five Guys which was critical when I was working and traveling. I have no idea how Outback is for nuts and Five Guys is obviously off the table for now. But I might try Outback again - I have eaten at a dozen of them all over the country and never reacted at all.