Feelings/Experiences about Informing resturants about your allergies

[lakeswimr]

When my child was little I was embarrassed to ask for accommodations anywhere.  Embarrassed to carry his food into restaurants.  Embarrassed to tell others we couldn't go to their potluck due to his allergies, to ask his preschool for accommodations, to call companies to ask about ingredients in food, etc.

I got over that since then.  I treat these things as just matters of fact.  People may say or do stupid things in response (usually they do not) and if so it reflects badly on *them*.  I'm just dealing with the reality that my child has potentially life threatening FAs and I have to do these things to keep him safe.  If someone wants to think I'm crazy or annoying or a bit*h or whatever, that's much better than my child having a reaction so I don't appear crazy or annoying to someone uneducated about FAs. 

We have mostly had good experiences eating out because we are super picky.  If people don't seem like they know what they are doing we don't eat there.

There is one local place where I ate while nursing DS.  I would ask for dairy-free (and free of his other allergens) and was assured they are great with FAs.  I got food with cheese sprinkled on it twice!  Once they took it back and brushed things off the top!  I stopped going and then recently called to see if DS could eat there as they have steak/burgers and he eats that stuff now.  The manager told me they could not guarantee it would be 100% allergy-free, etc.  This is a bunch of BS.  They could certainly make food that was safe for food allergic people if it were a priority for them.  It is clearly not and it did make me angry at the time.  And I guess I feel a bit ticked off if I think of it now.  But we will take our business elsewhere.  I focus on the great service we get elsewhere.  I tell DS all the time that if he is older and his friends go somewhere other than our usual restaurants he is to just have soda and sit there hungry if necessary.  He can carry starburst with him and eat those but just don't take silly chances.  I teach him about the research involved in finding safe places to eat.  I explain why he can't eat certain things in these places.  I hope that by the time he is old enough he will be able to do this all without me.

Do you know about Allergyeats website?  Check it out.  I think it is a good tool.  If you find places that have 5 stars for your allergy set you can feel pretty confident they are going to be good for you and will not embarrass you. 

When I go to places that are good with food allergies they already have protocols in place.  Our local Moes has staff trained.  The manager comes over, changes her gloves and carefully makes DS's food.  She gets him special salsa from the back.  The manager puts his food directly into his basket rather than passes it down the line as is normally done. 

At our favorite sit down place the managers remember us and come up and greet us.  They always double check with the chefs to be sure our food will be specially made and they bring it out to us themselves and reassure us it is safe.  When we order they write down everything we say--all DS's allergens, to cook DS's food in clean pans with allergy-free oil, with clean utensils, etc. 

The pizza places we eat have procedures to make pizza away from cheese, cut the pizza with a clean knife etc. 

This is nice.  We don't have to ask or teach--these places know what they are doing and so we frequent them.   

I hope you can find a bunch of safe places near you where you can eat easily, too.

We are grateful to the places that get it.  It is getting easier and easier as more and more people with FAs eat out. 

[lakeswimr]

A bad experience--we went to a place that is famous for accommodating people with FAs and DS had a reaction because they don't get sesame allergy at all IMO.  Very scary. We are sitting there and I see DS's lip start to turn all red and get slightly puffy and push his dish away from him.  I stare at him while shoving my pricey meal into my mouth because I don't know if we are about to inject him with epi and spend the next how long in the ER.  I inhale my food, continue to stare at DS and question him over and over.  Thankfully things did not develop.  The staff did not get that it was a potential emergency situation even after they realized DS was having a minor reaction. They were concerned with looking at a book with ingredients to find the cause than in DS it seemed to me.  Looking in the book I quickly realized they used a sauce that easily could have had sesame in it.  It was so frustrating to me because we had looked forward to eating there for YEARS.  DS wanted to eat in a fancy place and in the type of restaurant that we ate in--a type of food usually totally off limits if not homemade to people with his allergy set.  I felt suddenly we were in a very small box.  The world seemed to shrink down and I felt he was much less safe than I had before that meal.  The thought of DS traveling or eating out anywhere seemed much less safe.  I was quite upset for a while after that.  I wrote to them and they didn't write back. They refunded our meal only after I called and requested it.  That should have been offered then and there on the day.   

I think that was our only really bad experience.

Oh, no, it wasn't.  DS had ana after eating in one of our favorite places once.  It was quite scary.  We think we know the cause.  DS lied and said he felt fine when he didn't.  He later got breathing trouble and I had to epi him and he had to go to the ER.  Not fun.  But somehow it was much less frustrating than the reaction he had in the above place since that places is touted as being so great with FAs. 

But there are times we didn't expect safe food and found it and found places that would rival Disney World for how they handle food allergies (or beat Disney, frankly) and we have been THRILLED.  It is a huge treat for us all.   

I like Jshwab's suggestions, esp the ideas to train the kitchen and wait staff.  I do not think that this training will result in people being better able at hiding that they don't believe in FAs as CM said but that it would raise awareness and make FA people safer.