Can the school require you to be there?

[MomTo3]

I am thinking of wording for this- Something like "If the child is to eat food provided at school, the parent is required to be at the school." Is that legal?  If the parent isn't there, that would mean the child could not partake in the "celebratory food".  Is that acceptable?

[momma2boys]

Is this something you want or the school wants and you're fighting?

[PurpleCat]

In my opinion it depends on the age of your child and his or her classmates. 

Where will the food be consumed?  Are you referring to lunch, parties, a special school wide event?  (I know you said celebratory food but I did not want to assume wha that meant.)  Who is providing the food?

Does your school have a full time nurse?

It also depends on what your child is developmentally prepared to handle independently.

Each year as my DD grew up we slowly eased her accommodations based on her situation and her ability to self advocate and even more so when she began to carry her own meds.  Also as the children get older there are less wiggly teeth, etc.... and less sharing of manipulative items so less likely for contact from what another child may have eaten.

[MomTo3]

The school is saying they will not let him eat at class parties or "additional" rewards without a parent present.  He would not be allowed to participate in the food at all if one of us isn't there.  As it stands now, the PTA provides the food for the 3 school wide parties and they want our input into additional food rewards (his teacher is pushing for this). 

There is no mention of a limit on this (is it going to be weekly? Monthly?  Once a year?) so my worry is that I will have to go sit at the school several times in addition to the 3x a year school party.  That would have a financial impact on our family because DH would lose time off of work to watch our younger child or sit up at the school.  (I AM already there at all school parties as is). 

There is no full time school nurse so there is no guarantee that there would be one there when this food was being given out.  I was under the impression that they can not require us to be there.  I was kind of "forced" into allowing the addition of these reward treats even after I suggested and offered to help find nonfood activities as rewards. 

[Macabre]

No.  They cannot require this.  They would not be providing FAPE.  They are not making this demand of your child's non-disabled peers. 

To make this a condition of ?? (the 504), they would be violating FAPE.

[MomTo3]

That is what I assumed.

Now how to get this accommodation worded so cover things appropriately. Any suggestions?  It was "no food will be provided that isn't parent approved". I am also uncomfortable with then asking me to get something for the class. What if a child with an unknown allergy has the "reward" I was instructed to get and has a reaction?  I know anyone can sue for any reason but it sounds like a liability to me that I am not sure I want to take on. Perhaps I'm reading too muh into it.

[Mookie86]

If you can, I would add that parent receives notification of any food to be distributed at least 72 hours in advance.  You don't want a phone call 10 minutes before they'd like to serve something.

[YouKnowWho]

To be honest, I gave up on the 72hr notice because it basically translated to a 10min prior phone call.  Most of the time I had to say no, one time I said yes and it was to an allergen because I had the wrong child in mind (the fun of having multiple kids with differing food allergies).

(Yes, I should have had a 504 but our county has yet to grant a single one for food allergies - learned that tidbit this week).

I provided food for my kids and my kids only.  And it was written into their IHP they could ask for a treat (I kept to shelf stable ones because I heard nightmares about frozen cupcakes served to kids) in case of "surprises".

So yes, our IHP said 72hrs (but was often violated) so I had shelf stable treats the kids could ask for per their IHP.  And you know what, I let my kids pull the woe is me card from time to time and treated them after school.  My perspective is a little different though, because DS1 has allergies to wheat, rye, barley and egg - not peanuts.  Often he was told, but it doesn't have peanuts when it clearly had all of his other allergens.

[MomTo3]

They want it as follows: 

Student will only ingest food provided by parents. He may eat food provided at holiday parties/as rewards if parents are there. Parties will be planned with parents involvement to ensure safety and avoid exposure.



There is a "no food consumption in classroom except for holiday parties" as well but the teacher wants that changed to parties and rewards but doesn't mention any limits on how many.

*bolding mine

[Macabre]

No. They are not providing equal access. He is being treated differently because of his disability. How in the world would a mom who works manage to be there?  I assume you SAH. What if you have to go back to work!  This is crazy.

[CMdeux]

Agreed.  They can't do it.

And I'd say so in PRECISELY the terms Mac used.  They don't make this demand of other children's parents.

Can they word it re: parental approval?  On a per-item, per-instance basis?  That is, that they WILL seek prior approval for you to vet whatever it is?

[ajasfolks2]

They cannot MAKE you attend or require it in any way as a condition of part / all of child's ability to participate (be included) anymore than they could require you to ride the bus and act as the epi-trained adult . . .

When we were dealing with elementary school once upon a time that would NOT get inclusion and kept insisting that WE needed to provide all means for our child to be included, I flat out asked the vice principal if she were also going to set up a "Mexican's only" area for our kids so that our LTFA kids would also be then doubly excluded.   

Somehow, the lightbulb went on over her head that day.   

~~~~~~

Also, no way should YOU be providing food for any other kids . . . you are SO right to have concern as to other allergies OR other food-related special need or restriction (diabetes, etc).  You don't want the liability, you don't technically have permission to feed the other children, and those kids/families have the right to their medical privacy too.  Besides, that is money out of YOUR pocket and you should not have to pony up the $ or food just because your child has LTFA.

This relates to the whole "I'm not sending in safe treats" arguments and discussions from way, way back.  (Hat tip to gvmom.)

Hang in there!  Politely but firmly decline.

[ajasfolks2]

May I just add that REWARDING WITH FOOD is unconscionable.

Period.

I L-O-V-E quote from Drew Cary
"Crappy food is not a reward -- it's a punishment."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/24/drew-careys-weight-loss-c_n_738387.html

[MomTo3]

May I just add that REWARDING WITH FOOD is unconscionable.

Period.

I L-O-V-E quote from Drew Cary
"Crappy food is not a reward -- it's a punishment."
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/09/24/drew-careys-weight-loss-c_n_738387.html

They don't see anything wrong with it and I wish I had though to point out that perhaps that also went against the districts health and wellness policy too but I was a little befuddled at it all

[ajasfolks2]

Oh, man.  Use your district's health and wellness policies verbatim to your advantage, always. 

Start now by memorizing key phrases from it and use those in emails and in meetings.

After all, school should be about the safety and inclusion of ALL . . . not just your child, right?  right!