Quote from: Marie on September 17, 2015, 08:57:10 PM
You have forgotten the 1 person to talk with-the School Nurse.  She is the medical expert-not the classroom teacher.  School Nurses advocate for the health, safety and social emotional needs of ALL students.

Hi, Marie!  Thanks for joining us and hope you will register as a member and stay!

Some of us have kids in schools with NO school nurse or even anything resembing a school nurse.  Others have dedicated full-time school nurse, but there seems to be no guarantee as to if/how that school nurse will or won't advocate for the student.  Sometimes she/he is not willing or able to make input to the admin and/or really have much say in the matter.  Lots of dynamics here. 

Another option is for your child to pull a small classroom desk next to a lunch table, leaving a bit of a gap in case anyone spills milk.  The gap will keep the milk from spilling on your child's desk and food.  I can see some not liking this idea but I know some who do this and are happy with it.

When my son was younger he sat at at a multi-allergen-free table.  The school teachers and staff who watched lunch or were at the start of lunch would look for kids who got juice with their lunches and have them sit with DS.  Hot lunch was always nut-free so they could eat with DS if they had hot lunch and juice.  I hope you find a way your child doesn't have to sit alone.

You have forgotten the 1 person to talk with-the School Nurse.  She is the medical expert-not the classroom teacher.  School Nurses advocate for the health, safety and social emotional needs of ALL students. 

Quote from: fluffy on August 27, 2014, 04:50:45 PM

Quote from: joanna5 on August 27, 2014, 01:46:52 PM
We also had a spare lunch in the nurse's cabinet (unopened box of crackers, a couple of Sunbutter squeezes, and a safe granola bar).  It wasn't gourmet, but it could get him through the day if his lunch did get spilled on somehow. 

It's so ironic that you posted this, because this very thing happened to us yesterday.  She dropped her lunch on the floor and it all spilled out.  I wasn't immediately available, so she didn't get to eat lunch with her class.

I will absolutely do this.  So smart!!  Where do you find Sunbutter squeezes?  Did you have to order them?

We order them from Amazon.  That's where we get our regular Sunbutter from, too- it's cheaper by the case than buying it in the store.

A bit odd topic, but consider shelf-stable food for an extended lock down. Ours was kept in principals emergency bag

Quote from: joanna5 on August 27, 2014, 01:46:52 PM
We also had a spare lunch in the nurse's cabinet (unopened box of crackers, a couple of Sunbutter squeezes, and a safe granola bar).  It wasn't gourmet, but it could get him through the day if his lunch did get spilled on somehow. 

It's so ironic that you posted this, because this very thing happened to us yesterday.  She dropped her lunch on the floor and it all spilled out.  I wasn't immediately available, so she didn't get to eat lunch with her class.

I will absolutely do this.  So smart!!  Where do you find Sunbutter squeezes?  Did you have to order them?

My oldest is allergic to milk, eggs, peanuts, tree nuts, and mustard.  In the past, he has sat at the allergy table.  It's peanut and tree nut free, but does have his other allergens.  What we did the last few years is to have a buffer where no one with "spillable milk" sat in the seat on either side of him.  We also had a spare lunch in the nurse's cabinet (unopened box of crackers, a couple of Sunbutter squeezes, and a safe granola bar).  It wasn't gourmet, but it could get him through the day if his lunch did get spilled on somehow.  His first year in our district was in second grade and it took a few days to get things rolling with friends at the allergy table, but his teacher helped, as did the guidance counselor.  Last year, his table was very popular because kids from more than one class could sit there. 

This year he has the option of sitting at the allergy table or at the head of his class table (with cleaning precautions in place).  It's a big step, but he's excited and feels ready. 

Quote from: my3guys on August 25, 2014, 03:26:02 PM
"During lunch we will continue the practice of having a nut-free table.  If your child has a friend with a nut allergy and you send a note to his/her homeroom teacher guaranteeing that your child will carry a safe, nut-free lunch to school, he/she may sit at the nut free table.  A list of those who are expected and permitted to sit at that table will be available in the cafeteria.  We sincerely hope that some parents will consider this option so that students with nut allergies do not have to sit by themselves!"

I love this.  I really do. 
I have wondered if any of the parents know that there is even a safe table available for the food allergic kids.  First graders don't typically choose their own lunches.  The kids aren't packing peanut butter and yogurt.  The parents are.  If some of them knew, maybe they could arrange for safe choices so friends could sit together. 

I really do think that this teacher is trying and is just overwhelmed.  I think that this is the first experience with serious dairy allergies.  But, I can guarantee this will not be the last experience.  My hope is that once we work out this bump in the road,  we'll have a better understanding of one another and future issues will be more easily resolved.

The principal called me this morning to talk about this.  I really feel that this person gets it, both from a professional level and a personal level.  We talked for a long time and I feel like we are on the same page.  I wanted to stress that I felt we needed to work as a team to help my daughter feel safe and also included.  I stressed that she is still very young and is working out how to advocate for herself.  I can't do it all by myself.  I'm not there. My daughter needs to understand that she has other grown ups that she can trust to look out for her. 

In response to this, the principal said "She can't feel ready to learn if she doesn't feel safe and included." 

YES!  That's it exactly!!!  I almost cried.

We floated some ideas around and we're both going to think about it until the meeting later this week.  But, we have a safe plan in place for the next couple of days. 

I'm going to bring up some of the ideas that you all have given.  I really like some of them. Thank you all so much. The collective experience of this group is invaluable.   

I'll be looking more deeply at 504 plans this week.  I really don't want to have to start from scratch every single year.  There is not enough chocolate in the world to ease this stress.

I just asked both my kids how their teachers have handled the allergy table.  One is older and sits at the regular table now.  The other is young, and at the pn free table.  They both said the teacher would ask kids if people had nuts in their lunches (they think publicly) and found people to sit at the table.  With time, both kids made friends who happily packed safe lunches and sat with them.

I understand how it could feel mortifying to your dd.  I can also understand that with the hectic school day with teachers that she doesn't know how to quickly, accurately assess who can sit with her without making an announcement.

Would they be willing to send a letter home to parents explaining the nut free table, and asking for parents help?  Taken from our food allergy letter that I just picked up "During lunch we will continue the practice of having a nut-free table.  If your child has a friend with a nut allergy and you send a note to his/her homeroom teacher guaranteeing that your child will carry a safe, nut-free lunch to school, he/she may sit at the nut free table.  A list of those who are expected and permitted to sit at that table will be available in the cafeteria.  We sincerely hope that some parents will consider this option so that students with nut allergies do not have to sit by themselves!"

Now switching gears back to your dd, would you/your allergist feel comfortable with making the lunch table free of liquid milk/yogurt only?  And allowing cheese and other items with dairy as ingredients?  I'm only asking because I think you'd get more volunteers to sit with your dd that way as long as she'd be safe. Many parents find it hard to pack a nut-free lunch (although I think it's not), but packing a dairy free lunch is more challenging.

As for the teacher, try to assume she's overwhelmed with the start of school, and the table is another thing on her long list of to-dos to sort  out, as opposed to she has a personal problem with having to manage this.  As I've gotten to know teachers, I've seen how stressed they are at the beginning.  She may be afraid for your dd's safety as well, but doesn't want to voice it to make you more afraid.  Little ones with anaphylactic milk allergies is definitely frightening for both teachers and parents.  I've been there. 

I also think it's a good idea to eat some milk allergens around your dd like you posted.  It could potentially help ease her anxiety in the cafeteria.  And I would explain to her why you are doing it too.  In an age appropriate way, get her opinions and understanding of the situation so she knows you are working on a solution with the teacher so she doesn't sit alone.  A few years back, when the lunch table was becoming harder for my ds socially, I talked to his dr at mt. Sinai about it during an appt.  He quickly got my approval and before DS could think about it, he smeared peanut butter on his back to show him he would be ok.  It made a huge difference with his anxiety level in the cafeteria.  Now of course, if contact is a problem for your dd, then that's a different issue altogether.

With our school, finding the buddies at lunch is always the toughest at the beginning while everyone's adjusting.  At first, I found teachers felt safer without a lot of kids at the pn free table while they get their bearings and learn all the allergy kids' faces etc.  A few weeks in, it seemed to get easier.

And there's my 2 cents. More like 4 cents since it's a long post. Hope it helped!

Please start reading about 504 plans here if your child does not have one. Otherwise you'll be negotiating these kinds if things all year, every year. Even with a 504, it's not a walk in the park. But it can help you and the school plan for a safe AND inclusive education.

I think that you've handled it well.   Yes, it's a process-- and it sounds as though the teacher has either not fully grasped the level of risk and WHY she is seated away from her allergens...  or that the teacher is frankly a bit clueless/callous.

I suspect the former unless there is evidence for the latter.  Usually you can tell when the light goes on about the risk, because people develop a look of sheer unmitigated terror at least momentarily, when they realize that this is flirting with actual, real-- death.  In a child.

Does your child understand that you are "working to make this better" for her?  If not, I think that I'd tell her so.   

As an update: 

I think this is going to be a process. 

I spoke with her teacher, both in an email and in person.  The teacher seemed a little put off by my request for help.  Teacher wanted to make an announcement in the class, but I said no to that.  We need to find a discreet solution to this that doesn't put my daughter on the spot.  She already feels isolated and different.  Making an announcement would horrify her.

I think that Teacher felt that their hands were tied when I said no to the announcement.  So, the teacher tried to put the responsibility back onto my daughter, saying that she is going to have to learn how to deal with this because this is going to be her reality throughout school.  Yes, this is her reality.  But, that attitude makes me furious, just furious.  She is 6years old.  Her reality is that she is surrounded on a daily basis by things that would kill her and she is expected (by the adults that are supposed to be caring for her) to smile and be OK with that.  How can someone learn if they don't feel safe?  How can someone that young thrive if they feel that they don't have adults that they can trust to help them?  The adults in her life are there to help her to navigate this reality and to teach her appropriate ways of dealing with that stress.   Left to her own devices, she will deal with it on her own, but she does not have the maturity to cope in effective ways.

I think that because we have requested a safe table, the teacher feels that this is a problem of our own creation.

I requested a meeting later this week to brainstorm more appropriate ideas. 

This is illegal.  Segregation due to disability is illegal just as segregation due to race is.  The law sees it the same way.  I would approach it from that angle.  They tried to do this to my daughter as well, but after I asked them if they put all the African American kids at their own table, or all the Catholic kids at their own table, they were horrified and said "of course not".  After I informed them that the law sees segregation due to disability the same way, that put a stop to it.  I never can understand how people are so aware that it is illegal to segregate due to race, yet so unaware that it is illegal to segregate due to disability.  The school is legally obligated to find a safe way around your child having to eat alone.