Dear Teacher,
I'm about to send an email to the nurse as we haven't yet gotten the final 504 paperwork back. In that mail I also address the candy that you gave K today. I wanted to address that with you directly as well. I know that you had the best of intentions and I appreciate that you made an extra effort to get a label for K to read and sent it home and that you read it as well. Unfortunately that's not a standard that will work for K– or really any child with a life threatening food allergy. I want to help you understand WHY that is not an acceptable level of safety.
K's allergist has been very clear with us that he should not eat anything that is made in a shared facility as peanuts and certainly not anything made on the same lines as peanuts. There have been studies showing that 12-25% of these foods are cross contaminated. In the US manufacturers are NOT mandated to label for shared lines or facilities. There is no standard. Getting the manufacturers to share this information is best done by phone and it's not always easy. If you haven't had to wade through this, let me tell you it can be very challenging. For instance, take SunMaid raisins. You would have no idea that raisins in certain packaging are NOT safe. But it's true. The raisins in the small boxes and the ones with the zip lock tops are run on the same lines as candy that includes nuts. Orange juice is another head scratcher. Some brands have added "plant sterols" and "oils" to the juice to make it "heart healthy". Those ingredients can be derived from peanuts! A fruit platter can be cut with a contaminated knife. I could go on and on.
The candy you gave him was made in China. I do not speak or read Chinese and am not able to verify that the candy was not made in facility that also processes peanuts. The label lists "edible spice" – I do not know what that is? China's labeling laws are unknown to me and because of that as a rule we do not eat candy made in China or Mexico – with some exceptions that I've learned over time. It's a really complicated thing to know the manufacturers, who labels for what, what is made where and who owns what brands and what their standards are. Then, once you know all that....it changes. The formula changes, or the manufacturer adds a peanut variety of X food and all of a sudden, something that was "safe" before is not "safe" now. There is nothing to indicate any peanuts on the candy that you sent home and it may well be safe, but I have no way of knowing and it's not worth the risk.
Again – I know you had the best intentions but it's very dangerous for a child with a life threatening allergy to be sent home with a food item like that. We've worked very hard with K and luckily he's a pretty smart and wise child but we know that children can be impulsive and it's just a very big risk.
So - - what can we use besides candy/food to reward the kids? I'd be happy to contribute $$$ to an alternative.
If you have ANY questions....please ask. Bottom line is that we check EVERYTHING that K eats. We are teaching him to do this for himself and he's done a good job and I see this as learning experience for all of us.
And – on another note K is very happy there and is enjoying your class very much. We are so happy that's he's in this program now.
Dear Mother,
Thank you for the information and letting me know so promptly.. I most definitely do not want to exclude him nor put him in a compromising position. I appreciate the additional education. so much i'm learning. I appreciate your offer and i'd like to take you up on it. If you can help me purchase some things that would be okay for everyone (my criteria as a teacher, quantity (aka inexpensive) and something 10 - 11 year olds would enjoy) - so I can be educated on what would be appropriate AND/OR the other option I'm thinking is to provide me an alternative treat for K that i can provide him if/when i provide the other kids treats. i'm thinking the 2nd option might be the most helpful as one of the children brought in homemade cookies today along with two freshly grown garden tomatoes for k and the other allergy student and I was feeling awkward about that one. I think if I have a supply of goodies for K, I will always have something approved and safe for him on hand. I'm wondering if that would be acceptable. Again, my humblest apologies and my intention is to be 100% inclusive and considerate as well as safe.
this is happening real time...
You THINK my son would have told me about the cookies!
deep breath
in .............out
Dear Teacher,
Thanks for the quick response. I greatly appreciate your attitude. We will work together and it will all work out. I will ask K to brainstorm on some non-food treats that might be meaningful to the kids.
Regarding the rest, I need to sleep on this, but no I will not provide safe treats for K to keep in class. It opens the door for habitual exclusion. Home baked goods should not be allowed in the classroom as they well could have contaminated the entire room, desks, books, etc. The classroom has to be a safe place for K so that his learning is not affected. It's part of the protection afforded to him in the 504/ADA law. Honestly we haven't had anything like this happen since pre-school. At (previous elementary) is was just cut and dry. The teachers would not allow any unexpected unapproved foods into the room ever. All parties were planned and the foods were approved prior. Anything that showed up unexpectedly was turned away at the door or returned home with the child. I appreciate that this is new to you. I'm thinking that it's either state or district policy that home made goods are not allowed. Regardless of that, K's room should be peanut free and home baked goods can not be checked in any way.
But it's late. We'll tackle it next week.
I totally understand your strength/weakness comment! 100%. (this is in regard to something he mentioned in another email/mosty repetitive so I didn't post) In that regard, k didn't tell us about the cookies because he doesn't want to make a big deal about it. But I know that the outcome of exclusion for food allergic kids is low self esteem and risk taking behavior down the road.
Dear Mom,
Thank you so much. I will adjust my practices regarding food immediately and fully understand and respect what you're sharing with me about potential feelings of exclusion - a definite reality. Have a great weekend and feel welcome to drop me a line anytime. I have my personal iPad synced up with school e-mail so I'll know you wrote me. :) k's safety and your trust is something I do not take lightly and for granted.
Respectfully,
Teacher
________________________________________
Let me get this straight... Some parent sent in cookies for most of the kids and tomatoes for te allergy kids ??? Really? I mean,I love garden tomatoes, but I am not a kid watching others eat cookies.
At least it sounds like the teacher is trying to do the right thing, and willing to listen you about what that entails. So that is good.
Yeah-- wow.
At least that made the teacher kind of pause and think twice, too.
Wait, the last one is just a fantasy teacher letter, right?
;)
Okay, well, on the positive side, she is not getting defensive. That is great. And she is exhibiting concern about exclusion. So while it might have been extremely cool if she didn't have to be told this stuff, it's still pretty cool that she's responded this way.
Stinky, did you have a meeting with his teachers before school to go over the plan? Did you do that at the prior school? I'm thinking at that school they were all still reeling from the process and just knew not to mess with you. :)
last year the other room mom and me implemented a once a month BDAY for all the kids in class with that month......because Oct.. had 9 and it was a nightmare
it is school wide this year, third Thurs of the month...must be pnut and nut free and free of other allergens in class...
Maybe mention this idea to Teacher.....makes things a LITTLE simpler.....not as good as NONE but a little simpler.
yes....a tomato! I'm kinda pissed he didn't bring it home to me but not for $100 would he eat one. Maybe for a phone or ipad....?
Yeah...we did have a meeting and my gut said it went too easily and everyone was too agreeable. Also the teacher said that has diabetes so he knew all about fa. :dunce:
And no the last one is not a fantasy. There is even another one...
subject line: apologies
Dear Mom,
I'm sorry to cause you extra work and attention. Thank you for your understanding that I'm doing my best and trusting my intentions are good. I'm also glad we can be so frank and work together. Though I've had food allergy students in the past, what you share is helping me understand deeper realities I've yet to experience.
Your son is an absolute gem and I want nothing more than the best for him so I take all of this to heart. Thanks for putting me at ease but know I'll continue to be extremely concerned as I want to do what is right for your son and all children. And if you haven't figured out, I'm a huge worrier by nature.
All the best to you. Thank you again. I will do my best to relax a bit. :) Have a great weekend.
Profoundly Respectful and Grateful,
Teacher
at least the teacher is willing to work with you. She wants to learn. That's half the battle, isn't it!
Cannot believe the tomato ---- good grief. ~) What parent thinks that another child would want to eat a tomato whilst the rest of the class is eating cookies?!? That's just insane.
Oh goodness, now you are just making all of us lust after this teacher.
This is like that episode of Mad About You where Paul and Jamie had this virtual reality helmet and they each got to use it to "see" a fantasy. Paul used it to flirt with a model. In Jamie's fantasy, all she had was Paul admitting he was wrong about something.
Even today, DH or I will say, " I was wrong. I was soooooo wrong."
Question: How did the parent know to bring two tomatoes and that there should be a cookie alternative in the first place? New school, FERPA, etc.
I do have a surreal feeling about it all.... you can't make this stuff up.
and I'm not complaining....I think we are good place with this teacher on all counts but I find it so ironic that he is such and "emotional" type - kind of "gushing and happy/smiling guy" when we as a family are more stoic, sarcastic, cynical teasers.....
I've had to seriously adjust my tone in emails....trying to be so careful not to have "tone". :) Which is hard for me...I have tone in my sleep. :)
I think it's for the best that he is so different - he will teach my son a lot (if son doesn't roll his eyes too much)
Oh....and from my other thread....(first day of school) kids are still being sent into the hall daily. The whole thing is cracking me up.
I'm so glad this at least has seemed to be resolved so quickly! We will set up another meeting at the end of next week to finalize the 504, meet the nurse who was not able to come to our first meeting and hopefully get things set up correctly for the rest of the year.
But wow....that was a wacky Friday night.
Quote from: Macabre on September 14, 2013, 10:15:29 AM
Oh goodness, now you are just making all of us lust after this teacher.
No doubt.
LOL about your DS and tomatoes-- my DD feels the same way about them...
Welllllll... let me think about it. I don't suppose that I could get you to throw in a few iTunes cards WITH the iPhone, could I? No? What about a cash bonus if I eat it in one really big bite, then? (She'd probably just try to swallow it whole to avoid chewing it-- she hates tomatoes) ;D
TT makes a very good point. This teacher likely isn't versed in privacy for medical issues.....
Generally speaking, most teachers have policies where they won't eat homemade goods. I NEVER EVER eat something that a kid brings in or makes in home ec. No way. That's a food borne illness waiting to happen.
Beyond FA's, if the teacher won't eat it himself/herself, then it shouldn't enter the room. No matter what it is.
Quote from: twinturbo on September 14, 2013, 10:33:59 AM
Question: How did the parent know to bring two tomatoes and that there should be a cookie alternative in the first place? New school, FERPA, etc.
The teacher on the first day announced that there were children with food allergies and not to bring anything with nuts into the room. He asked my DS prior to this, if he could identify him, in our meeting if my son was comfortable with this, he gave him alternatives as well. My son was fine with it and introduced himself, his allergy and told the children how they can help keep him safe.
There is another girl with multiple food allergies and she did the same.
My son is fine with everyone knowing he has a food allergy but NOT fine with them knowing that he's 9. :)
I said "what if you have a bday party this year and we invite them?" He said "yay I'm 11"
But yes the teacher is not well versed in any of this. He comes from a larger metro district - I'm in a large suburb of that district and I think parents in my area have been much more active and are more able to be active. The larger city has a much more challenged public school system. I've heard through a FB group that this teacher is good and that he is good with food allergy safety - I think this is the first time anyone has raised the issue of inclusion.
I know that I shouldn't have to pay $$$ for alternate treats too - and I know in his last school they would have known that and tried to stop me - pretty sure they did that once. I also don't want to tell the teacher that b/c I feel that he's a bit overwhelmed with it all. I'll let him know later that it's touchy.
Any ideas on that? I don't want to buy cheap crap that gets thrown out....I want cheap cool stuff! I like those crack open geods - might be able to get those in bulk. pencils, erasers, are fine....but I want him to have a cool non-food treat box.
CM - I just asked DS about eating the tomato. After a bit of clarification he WOULD eat a tomato the size of a baseball for iphone. LOL #stillnotgonnahappen
Quote from: Stinky10 on September 14, 2013, 10:36:07 AM
I've had to seriously adjust my tone in emails....trying to be so careful not to have "tone". :) Which is hard for me...I have tone in my sleep. :)
lol
-----------
That tomato story is unbelievable ... :insane:
Whenever I think of FA exclusion, I'm afraid a picture of those tomatoes will always forever hence pop in my mind!
With the teacher admitting this is new ground for him on non-food treats to remove exclusion it may be worth explicitly setting some boundaries for him on what he is, and is not, able to discuss with other parents once the new policy kicks in. Considering he is still held to FERPA and a 504 is ensuing it would be fair to him to give him an idea what you consider fair game as open knowledge wrt to protected info so he knows where the boundary lies.
Okay, when I used the word "lust" above, I had no idea that this teacher is actually male.
Just saying.
Quote from: twinturbo on September 14, 2013, 10:59:28 AM
With the teacher admitting this is new ground for him on non-food treats to remove exclusion it may be worth explicitly setting some boundaries for him on what he is, and is not, able to discuss with other parents once the new policy kicks in. Considering he is still held to FERPA and a 504 is ensuing it would be fair to him to give him an idea what you consider fair game as open knowledge wrt to protected info so he knows where the boundary lies.
You know, I'm not well versed in FERPA - I have the general idea. I'll bring it up in the meeting and let the principal and/or nurse address it. If they can.
Quote from: Macabre on September 14, 2013, 11:00:34 AM
Okay, when I used the word "lust" above, I had no idea that this teacher is actually male.
Just saying.
In time I will email you a picture...... :heart: :P
What I mean is normally a medical issue is private. You've waived that privacy initially. No judgment from me (I hope that comes through), however if the 504 designation and accommodations are for FA and you've waived at least initial privacy protection if you have any desire for the teacher to not discuss any part of the 504 accommodations openly with other parents in the class he would need to know that explicitly. He sounds like a well intentioned guy who wants to do the job so it's entirely possible his understanding is any part of any FA is fair game for other parents to know.
For instance when a treat is turned away at the door he may say it's because of [name]'s accommodation. Or send parents to you directly to about food.
I don't know what accommodations you'll forge and where your boundaries are about negotiating directly with other parents about food but the teacher at this point only knows that it's thus far an open knowledge policy. *If* any other part of it is off limits for him to discuss openly he most likely will need a hard boundary.
Great points TT.
We've always been open about the allergy, for many reasons and I have had to "nego" food things with other parents. My community is fairly open to that and very concerned with inclusion (for all things) and such, so it's been mostly very easy. So it's more about "what can we do together to make this work for everyone". I've never had to deal with an aggressive parent - and when I've been too busy I just tell the teacher.....here is the bottom line - here is what I'll accept - here is how we'll handle it - but I need you to deal with it.
I am on new ground now, in a new school - same district though.
I gave the teacher copies of previous letters home that said no food for parties and it was NOT just specific to allergies...other medical issues, economic issues, etc.
I'll make sure to address this with him - I don't mind negotiating with the room moms but I don't want a white hot spotlight on us either. Although....we could handle it. :yes:
and he should be made aware if he's not already....
We're in parochial school which open as well but I think for teacher's sake... when you take public dollars you're never 'off duty'.
(wife of public university prof here)
Anyhow, best wishes for a great year and :crossed:.
yes...I just edited to add that
I would however like the principal and nurse to address that.....not me
Quote from: yelloww on September 14, 2013, 10:38:24 AM
TT makes a very good point. This teacher likely isn't versed in privacy for medical issues.....
Generally speaking, most teachers have policies where they won't eat homemade goods. I NEVER EVER eat something that a kid brings in or makes in home ec. No way. That's a food borne illness waiting to happen.
Beyond FA's, if the teacher won't eat it himself/herself, then it shouldn't enter the room. No matter what it is.
Funny Yellow....at old school - same district we (PTSA) did Potluck lunch for the teachers every month. Well...maybe skipped a few....each grade took a month - so there were 6 Potlucks...mostly all homemade food. I always did wacky cake cupcake b/c one of the teachers didn't eat dairy.
Quote from: Macabre on September 14, 2013, 11:00:34 AM
Okay, when I used the word "lust" above, I had no idea that this teacher is actually male.
Just saying.
Waaaaiiittttt .......are you saying....do you need a rainbow sticker? :watch: You know I drive a Subaru. xoxo
tomato? well my son wouldnt have been able to eat that as well as the cookie.
people have weird ideas sometimes.
Heh heh. I do have a Human Rights. Campaign in my car. :) but it's not a Subaru. Yet.
Met with nurse and teacher last night to finalize the plan....
my communication with the teacher hit him on a very deep level and he has decided that room will be food free - for all events and parties - FOOD FREE.
He has some health issues and he thought about what I said on a deeply personal level and is now refusing to be part of anything that excludes any of the children!
I'll post the rest of my emails to him later. He is now an advocate!
Wow-- that is terrific , Stinky!
WTG. :coolbeans:
I kept saying that DS and I would do the party planning together....and I just didn't get what he was saying....even at parties...NO FOOD!
stinky, you have a really nice approach and I think that helps things.
I'm happy you're working things out and things seem to be going well. :)