Family Meals

[Astyas]

This will be a venting post, because I don't know what to do.

I developed a pepper allergy about three years ago that's gotten steadily worse. It's been very difficult for my family to adjust to a zero pepper lifestyle. Holidays are nightmarish and require extensive platitudes and explanations.

I thought we got this one right, though. For my grandma's birthday we went around and around on foods that the family would eat and foods I can eat. I eventually conceded to pizza, prayed that the sauce wouldn't be too spicy, and went over toppings that were and were not acceptable ie. no bell peppers, no sausage, no pepperoni. My mom agreed to pick up a mushroom pizza and a Canadian bacon pizza.

She ended up getting a pepperoni and a half mushroom half sausage. Hmm, how will this work? Well, first the PEPPERoni can fill the house with the smells of various peppers. Then we can cook the mushroom half right next to the sausage so the BELL PEPPER that's been saran wrapped can bake into the "safe" pizza.

Tell me I am not the only one seeing this!!!!

When I asked her about the sausage and pepperoni she said, "Well, what is everyone else supposed to eat?" Maybe something that, oh, I don't know, DOESN'T HAVE THE POTENTIAL TO KILL ME?!!! 

Now, I'm hiding in my room during my grandma's birthday with the windows open and hoping the smell will dissipate before it get's to the third floor. And I am the one who feels bad. I don't get to spend time with my family, celebrate a birthday, or even enjoy a meal. I'm tired of feeling excluded, bothersome, and ignored.

I want to be  productive about the situation and find ways to stop this from happening again, but no one listens. My family knows I am allergic to peppers, they've seen me have a bad reaction, and they know I carry epi-pens in case things go badly. What else can I do?

[SweetandSour]

I'm so sorry. 

But sometimes people just don't get it, no matter how much you want them to.  So, if I were you, I would leave. Calmly explain why, ignore the angry mob, and leave for your health.

We had to stop going to my MIL's because she doesn't get it.


For you, family stuff will just have to mean no food.

[Six]

Wow - that must be so hard on you! That is not how family should treat each other.  I would rather have my family close by than a plate of any type of food.  It bites that 'celebrations' always seem so 'food oriented' in these day & ages. 

Maybe you can take your grandma out to a tea room and enjoy some time and a pot of tear between just the two of you to make up for your family putting a wedge between you and your grandma's special day.

[YouKnowWho]

Can you take over cooking for the meal?  It's rare that we can eat at another family member's home (minus my SIL and MIL who understand all of the allergies we are dealing with).  Actually, I can't remember it ever happening.

So anyway, I have opted to cook most of the meals to bring with or have at home.  It's the only way I can completely let my guard down and enjoy a visit.  And I know some of it is control issues on my end but there are certain issues with gluten and pans and other things so that once you run over that, peoples eyes are glazed over and you know they don't get it.  So rather than spend the night with tummy in my throat and overanalyzing every itch, red spot and cough, I just do it myself.

[CMdeux]

Astyas, I am so sorry.

I think that a lot of us understand exactly the kind of cognitive dissonance that you're experiencing with this situation.

There really are people that just don't think about what is in complex food ingredients.

A "spice blend" to them isn't a "possible source of ______ (allergen)."

It's "just seasoning."


NEVER let this kind of person prepare food for you without your DIRECT and CONTINUOUS supervision.  Seriously.   

I say that having watched my MIL dip into a cabinet and season a family meal with lord-knows-what mystery seasonings (liquid smoke??  a spice blend from... a paper twist??  Is she KIDDING ME?) and then be totally offended that I "didn't trust her" to feed my then two year old DD who had multiple LTFA. 

[AllergyMum]

So very sorry, it is so hard when family just doesn't get it.  It is hard enought having allergies, but when family doesn't support you it is worse.

[SilverLining]

Anything with spice is a risk of containing pepper.

However, BELL PEPPER is not a part of the pepper family.  It's part of the nightshade family.

[momma2boys]

I'm confused...are we talking green peppers or like black pepper?  Not sure why pepperoni is a problem either way??

[Astyas]

I'm allergic to ANY type of pepper. All variations of the spice and the fruits/vegetables. Pepperoni usually has several spices in the meat and you can never be sure what it's been smoked with.

[CMdeux]

But you do know that this is, in that case, two distinct allergies, yes?

Peppers such as chili peppers, bell peppers, etc, are really related to things like potatoes and tomatoes.  They are in the nightshade family.

Peppercorns, on the other hand, are not related to those at all-- they are the dried fruit of a climbing leafy vine in the Piperaceae family.


Just out of curiosity, do you avoid Paprika?

[Astyas]

I know they're from different families, but neither get along with me.  I have problems with the whole of the nightshade family, but not as severe.

The last time I accidentally ate paprika it stripped the skin from my lips and mouth. Turmeric is a problem as well. 

[baknmomma]

I understand, we are going through this with family wrt ds pa.  Wish I had a suggestion all I have is 

[Astyas]

Honestly, just knowing that there is someone and even someones out there that are running into the same roadblocks is helpful. Disappointing, but helpful

[krasota]

Pepperoni often has some variety of chilli/red hot pepper in it and sometimes paprika in various forms.  Those are related to bell peppers.

Peppercorns are not and an allergy to both black/white/green peppercorns (Piper family) and to the capiscum family would be two allergies.  And there are yet more dried peppers used as spices which are in other families (cashew family and some Peruvian shrub "peppers" come to mind).

It's important to make the distinction.

[momma2boys]

Your best bet is to just do what most of us do and bring your own pizza or whatever food they are eating.  Then you know you are safe.