so frustrated with a "friend"

[livingnutfree]

i posted the other day under schools about how great my dd's teacher is this year. i also posted something about it on facebook not in much detail but just saying how teacher is awesome and gets it. now this "friend" who has since day one of this journey has bashed me consitently about things i do to keep my girl safe. so now with this shes like your going to have a bunch of mad parents and i'd be mad to if my dd couldnt bring in cupcakes. i tell her yeah i knew you'd say that. she asks if i went in throwing a fit like i did last year. um no teacher decided this on her own. yada yada explained some more of what happened and shes still all attitude. hope your happy. your punishing other kids. i'm so frustrated we've been friends since our girls were a few months old and now she asks like this with me. $itch sorry had to vent. i dont have any IRL food allergy friends who get it

[Mookie86]

  That's so frustrating that your "friend" puts food before your dd's safety.  Do these issues come up a lot with her?  I hope it's not too often.

[livingnutfree]

she likes to nit pick everything i say and turn into a convo/arguement about it. i'm about ready to just not talk to her at all any more. we dont talk nearly as much as we used to but everytime we do she has an attitude with me and says is because i never talk to her. well hello........

[Mookie86]

Sounds like it's time for the classic question:  Is your life better with her or without her?

Any chance you can distance a bit and keep communication to email?  Maybe things'd go smoother that way?

[hedgehog]

It seems that any type of hardship or obstacle (including, but not limited to FA), shows who our real friends are, and who are just friendly people.  Unfortunately, it sometimes hurts to find out the distinction.

[momma2boys]

I'm sorry.  No real friend would treat you like that.    I think that cutting ties with her might be for the best.  You deserve better, friends should be there to support you.

[livingnutfree]

I did stop talking to her for awhilr. Just recently startd again and now back to this it does hurt  i dont have alot of friends as it is but dont need someone always snappying at me as a friend either. Sorry not trying to make this a pity party

[twinturbo]

Put her at an arm's length need to know basis in ALL forms of communication. Don't involve her in that part of your life. Ever watch Tim Burton's Batman where Jack Nicholson as the Joker replies to an unsolicited comment/compliment, "I didn't ask."

I don't think you're making this a pity party. It hurts you, we've all been there on some level whether or not it's about FA.

[Stinky6]

I didn't ask!  I like that!

I'm sorry to hear about her attitude.  I do think though that sometimes people just dont get it - and that doesn't mean that they can't  be your friend or that are trying to be mean.    Think about differences in religion.   And this friend is just telling you what other people think and aren't saying.

I am VERY lucky to have some great people - mother's of my son's friends - who have become my friends who are great about PA.  I can actually leave my son at people's houses - even overnight!    But the husband of one of these people, who is also a friend of mine and someone I like and confide in, always challenges me on the PA stuff.   Pretty much all the stuff you posted in the OP.  This year the 3rd grade teachers declared all parties are FOOD FREE.  He immediately thought that I demanded that.   It's frustrating and while I think of myself as somewhat articulate I find myself tongue tied trying to "defend" myself against him.   It's a challenge for sure.   And he's super involved with all activities at the school. 

I did drop a friend early on who didn't get it.  But she would put my son in DANGER - while being completely nuerotic about many imagined dangers for her dd.  Anyway.....if your friend isn't putting your child in danger - I would keep trying, be patient and use the situation to help articulate your childs needs. 

Just another way to think of it.

good luck