Bullying at school

[hk]

I need to talk to our principal for the second time in a day first thing tomorrow morning and need to figure out the most important points I need to make on short notice.

Yesterday a boy in DD's class (second grade) threatened to rub nuts on her face at lunch.  She hid under the table in the lunchroom because she was so scared and then didn't tell anyone.  She didn't tell me until dinner last week.  I promptly e-mailed the Assistant Principal (regular principal just gave notice yesterday and the AP usually deals w/this stuff anyway) and the teacher.  AP dealt with the situation first thing this morning, but his response was very weak.  He called the kid into his office and told him how serious it was, etc. and then just had him write an apology to DD.  Fastforward to dinner tonight:  it turns out the literally 5 minutes after this kid left the AP's office, he did something similar on the playground at recess.  This time he held up his snack in front of DD, pantomimed throwing it at her and said, 'This is a peanut'.  SO I e-mailed teacher and AP again.  I used the words bullying someone due to her disability in last night's message.  Tonight I said that I consider this to be the same thing as threatening someone with a gun or knife.

I'm going to talk to the AP first thing tomorrow, but am not even sure what to ask for.  Any ideas on what I want them to do to make sure this doesn't happen again or any particular language that I should use (or not use). 

I'm documenting everything.  Just don't have time to read through all of the threads about this tonight and don't want to mess up in the morning. 

Thanks so much!

[rainbow]

You used the right words (bullying based on a disability). In my state, this *requires* action by school staff.
I would request that this child be MONITORED and SUPERVISED and not allowed within XX feet of  your DD (not within range of a conversation. I'd also ask that the child's parents be notified (if you want that and think it'd help).

I would tell them you are very concerned and I'd put it in writing (email is fine).

[TabiCat]

Document everything and put it in writing.

I would stress to the school that you understand that the child probably doesn't understand how badly he could harm her and that it is THEIR  job to teach him that and to protect your child both form the potential physical danger and from the emotional harm of this child's actions. If they are in the same class it is within your rights to request your daughter be reassigned but it is probably NOT in your rights to request the other child be moved. ( it wouldn't be here)   

[twinturbo]

I think you're on the right path by framing this in terms of what you want done. With my kids and school I formally request a written incident report with date, time, names, event. I formally request a copy sent to the other child's parents. Essentially, I close the information loop so no one can blow smoke up my rear feigning ignorance of relevant facts.

I would send a written letter documenting the *known* incidents ASAP and formally request incident reports with the parents of the bully copied on to that. One of DS1's previous preschools had an observation window. I witnessed one child who didn't know I was watching swipe at his face twice, each time looking to see if a teacher was occupied elsewhere. The second time I burst into the room and removed my child from where the other student was and informed the student teachers (the lead was out that day). Although the bullying student was new to this class I could tell he had a 'system' in place so I saw clearly this was not remotely the first time he had laid hands on my son.

On this I would choose to escalate quickly and appropriately. Maybe DOE if the school isn't acting on this sufficiently? There's a recent publication on state bullying laws at the end of the linked PDF. http://www2.ed.gov/about/offices/list/opepd/ppss/reports.html#safe

[hk]

Thanks so much for your help with this everyone.  Unfortunately, while the school did address the situation promptly again this morning, their response is weak and they refuse to understand the seriousness of this situation. 

It also became very clear to me when observing this kid today that he is not going to stop.  I also know that he 'had' to leave the neighborhood school he attended last year for some behavioral reason and transferred to our school (not in his neighborhood).  He is bad news and I am worried sick about what he is capable of.

Our school is under transition as our principal resigned this week.  Assistant Principal is a good guy and tries to work with me, but he simply does not get it (or refuses to get it).  Now I have to figure out what to do.

[Carefulmom]

Hk, there is a letter from some sort of Federal Agency (don`t recall who) regarding disability harassment and the fact that it is illegal.  What you are describing is disability harassment.  It is illegal according to federal law, just as harassment due to race, religion, sexual orientation, etc. is.  Disabled people are a protected class.  I posted an old letter from some sort of federal agency about disability harassment on the old board.  Then someone posted an updated link with a more current letter.  Perhaps someone can find it on the old board and re-raise it?  I posted it under School Resources.  I think ajasfolks might know where it is.  I think this letter should help you a lot.  If it were my child, I would stop referring to it as bullying, and start referring to it as disability harassment or harassment due to disability when communicating with the school.  I was disability harassed when dd was in first grade.  I copied the letter, wrote a letter to the principal  about how disability harassment is illegal, and that took care of it.

ETA:  I have the hard copy of the old letter filed away somewhere in my house.  If no one can find the link, I will look for the letter, and can probably figure out what exactly to google to find a link to the letter.  It really spells out that the school is not legally permitted to tolerate disability harassment.

[Carefulmom]

Hk, I found the letter I posted.  I hope this helps.  It worked great when I gave a copy to our school.

http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html

[hk]

Hk, I found the letter I posted.  I hope this helps.  It worked great when I gave a copy to our school.

http://ed.gov/about/offices/list/ocr/docs/disabharassltr.html

Thank you so much.  This is exactly what I needed.

[Carefulmom]

Let us know how it goes.

[Mookie86]

I hope that letter helps them take this seriously. 

[Carefulmom]

Hk, any news?

[twinturbo]

DOJ paper on strategies and their respective effectiveness for police departments on addressing bullying in schools. Worth skipping to halfway point from there pay more attention.

www.cops.usdoj.gov/files/ric/publications/e07063414-guide.pdf

[hk]

Hk, any news?

Unfortunately, the news is that the bullying is continuing.  The bully told DD on Monday that he was 'going to pound her with nuts'.  Our principal left on Tuesday and an interim one started today.  I e-mailed the assistant principal Monday night requesting a meeting with him and the interim principal so they can tell me what they intend to do to keep my child safe at school.  He was responsive and said he would get back to me when the new guy started today and then avoided me when I was in the lunchroom today. 

I did find out that this kid and his twin brother are both so bad that neither of them is allowed to go anywhere in the school without an adult escorting them.  I've been in the lunchroom every day since this started and I have witnessed this kid punch at least 4 other kids.  He is escorted to the principal's office with his lunch tray on most days.

It's disrupting my life to have to bring DD's lunch to her and supervise everyday, but I really don't feel like I have a choice right now.  No way am I leaving her lunch unattended in the nut-free bin outside the classroom with that kid around.

So I'm giving them until Friday to get back to me.  There is a good chance I will be hiring an attorney.  I'm beyond frustrated.  Thanks for asking!

[CMdeux]

Wow; I'm so sorry. 

That seems like a dreadful situation-- hopefully the administrative change is ultimately a blessing in disguise and you wind up with a much more proactive administrative response to the situation.

Have you involved the police at this point?

Can you arm your dd with a cell phone?  That way if she were to feel threatened, at least she could call someone to tell.

[hk]

Wow; I'm so sorry. 

That seems like a dreadful situation-- hopefully the administrative change is ultimately a blessing in disguise and you wind up with a much more proactive administrative response to the situation.

Have you involved the police at this point?

Can you arm your dd with a cell phone?  That way if she were to feel threatened, at least she could call someone to tell.

The cell phone is a good idea.  Thank you.  DD gets so scared that she doesn't tell anyone what's going on until I pick her up from school.  The cell phone is a great idea even though I never thought I'd have to get one for a 7 year old.

I'm reading the article someone posted above about bullying/police.  It's definitely a possibility.  The school is treating this like the kid is just saying something mean to her and refuse to see my perspective, which is that he is threatening her life with a weapon that is easy to obtain. 

This kid is diabolical.  One look in his eyes and I know I will be at that school at lunchtime every single day for the rest of the year.