Schools need bigger furnitire--so that they can accommodate obese students

[Arkadia]

Being overweight IS an eating disorder.  school at 180 lbs, age ten was far worse than a parent telling you the truth about eating too many ice cream sammies. Cm if you tell someone the truth about an engineering class, dint be bashful about too many Klondikes. Thank goodness pediatricians arent sugar coating the truth. My weight plummeted because i wanted to dissapear.  i never wsnted to be teased by classmates again. Telling a child too many ice cream sandwiches make people fat isnt "that language" lol.  good luck to you too, lakeswimmer, i wish you luck when it comes to explaining booze and drugs.

[Arkadia]

Ark, I am the type that if someone had talked to me that way it would have caused me to have an eating disorder.  Kids who tend to OCD probably can't take the 'that will make you fat' talk very well.   

Hmmmm....using that logic, I guess I shouldn't tell my kids that using street drugs can leave them brain damaged, or that diabetes shortens thier lives, or that being "casual" about a their food allergy, not reading labels, or leaving their epi pen at home can KILL them, huh? Might throw them into some disorder.....a depression....feeling put out.

good thing healthcare professionals are under an ethical obligation to be honest with their patients. Someone has to man up and not be the codependent.

Anyways.

My parents focused too much on my weight, told me how good I looked when I was thin, talked about weight a lot and I think that was a large part of why I did have an eating disorder as a teen and at the start of college.  What got me over it was focusing on healthy eating, not weight.  I'd rather be a little overweight and eating-disorder free than thin and have an eating disorder.

Yeah, well the fatter I got, my parents told me I was beautiful still, and took me to high end women's clothing stores in elementary school to find clothes that fit. Guess what? It didn't work. Cold hard truth wearing a Danskin and getting preliminary measurements in front of a room full of ADULTS did. I was a blubber butt.



fwiw, My daughter is in kinder and 56 pounds currently. She looks really skinny, though. Still, never had any "failure to thrive" issues... My younger son who has ALWAYS been my "picky eater" (odd nursing habits/odd bottle feeding posture) might shun food even when I'm BEGGING him to eat it. Food is on his terms. Generally, he has to be convinced there is something special about it. Might be a "middle child" thing. In any case, different kids, different strategies. But really, if I've pressed any issues in this thread, it's been that we *DO* stress a healthy food choices and provide them. My kids shop with me all the time. They know they aren't CHEAP choices either. LOL!

I don't think too many would do well with being told they are going to get fat.

Oh, good lord, I hope you aren't serious in your concern. I'm not standing over her with a gag threatening to put a lock on the fridge. I'm telling her a FACT. I'm telling her to eat the clementine instead. LOL!  I'm not telling her she's going to get fat. <end sentence> I'm telling her that if she gorges on foods that are meant as an "occassional" item, you'll get fat. A big butt. She's really never "gorged", but maybe that's because I've been honest with her. She's a smart girl, her typical response is "I'm still hungry, what else can I eat?"<but with more whine and inflection> Or "fine then, give me something else".

they really don't want seconds of that stuff anyway...

If I steam a bag of broccoli after such an encounter, they ALL come sniffing for some. My kids are "weird" that way: I can set them all up with a movie and steamed brocolli (no butter even and they HATE SALT) and it's like popcorn and candy to them. I buy brocolli six bags at a time or that super size multi serving bag at Sam's Club. They prefer a veggie tray without dip even, to pizza bites.

Go figure.

I hope it will work for you. 

works better than smiling and saying:  SURE!! Have a glass of rootbeer with it too!

I No one would have know it wasn't working well for me -- I was one of the thinnest girls in highs school, in super good shape from working out and a great athlete.  I stayed relatively thin, although gained a lot in college was still on the thinner side compared to others.  But I was messed up from how I was raised. 

I personally believe it takes *real* dysfunction to "mess" up a child. Telling them too much ice cream will make you fat isn't it. Now...maybe getting your a** handed to you DAILY by your peers, being ostracized, and a principal who tells you "don't you want to be like the <those little bastards> other kids" might point you in the right direction. But still, a loving family keeps you safely tethered and a safe distance from the cliff.    You have my condolences. My weight might have plummeted, but seeing the fear in the faces of my parents set me straight. I got sick of the nurse riling them up with phone calls about my well being and daily weights she was monitoring on me. They were good parents and didn't need that type of bs. Aside from pregnancy, my weight has been "normal" and pretty stable since. 

If i had a girl i wouldn't ever tell her she was fat or going to get fat.  I would focus on portion size, healthy eating, healthy habits, exercise, etc.

GOOD GRACIOUS YIKES! How freeking fragile are your kids? (or do you *think* they are)  We DO focus on portion size but hey, it doesn't take a child prodigy to figure out why when you're emphasizing the details. They add those details up and say:  If you eat too much you'll get fat! Your heart gets clogged! You'll have to stick needles in your fingers every day!

I need a coffee....you're making my head hurt. My daughter isn't an idiot. She knows damn well why I'm on that stair machine. Of course, she prefers a swim in the pool, or mom to take her to the playground, but when I get up at 4 am to push out an hour on it, she knows it's not for "fun".

Guess what?  Schools measure their BMI and send them home with a "PASS/FAIL" and an individual PROFILE of their physical ability. Uh, YEAH, they add that up to "maybe I'm too FAT". Overweight. Out of shape. Take your pick.

I generally don't say much about her food choices. My home is LOADED with good ones, available,  with a limited number of some pretty darned WORTHLESS CALORIES. I just speak up now and then and hand them the facts. Or praise their good choices.  Really, the older two (out of four children) handled it pretty well and as young adults make personal food choices now a nutritionist could admire. They don't need supervision in that regard. Hmmmm...why do YOU think that is? I've already mentioned my boys come home and tell me how GRATEFUL they are we don't eat like some of the kids/families at school they know. That I raised them to know something is inherently WRONG with having a milk shake and fries for lunch on a regular basis. Truthfully, white bread makes them CRINGE. <chuckle>

Call that an "eating disorder" if you want....

[kouturekat]

I wouldn't say being overweight is necessarily an eating disorder.  In a lot of cases it's probably poor dietary habits and poor food choices. 

I would never tell my daughters not to eat certain foods or how much because "they're going to get fat".  I wouldn't use those words because it kind of puts a slant on if one is fat, they're a "less than".   It has nothing to do with fragility.  It has a lot to do with a mental image of people who are fat.  There are a probably a small portion that are due to genetics (however I think it's MUCH smaller than people think), some who are due to medications (my friend ballooned on her cancer meds), etc.  And there probably are some that do have an eating disorder.  I want my children to look at these people and feel compassion for them.  Not, "You don't want to be that fat kid that everyone makes fun of."  It's the way I want my kids to view people who are heavy.  ETA some of their friends are fat.  But I don't want them to just see fat or look at them negatively because of their weight, and they don't.  They see their friends as people. 

It has nothing to do with mental toughness.  I don't mince words.  When my girls were growing up, I used to emphasize, "It's not about how thin you are, it's about how FIT you are!"  Battling those skinny minny pics of, for example, one of the Olsen girls who looked anorexic.  Or Angelina Jolie when she looked like skin and bone.  We would be in the checkout line and I would say, "That is NOT pretty.   All bones, ribs, there's nothing on them and it's not healthy.  There is no muscle mass.  Then we'd see the fitness mags like Health or Self (I think that's the name, used to get it in the mail) and I'd point out the muscle mass.  As in, "Look at those muscular arms.  Check out those abs.  They're fit!"  Fit and trim (note:  I did not say skinny or thin) is work.  It's healthy eating and working out to stay fit.

It's not just pointing this out and looking at magazines.  They're momma has always practiced what she preaches.  I have NEVER heard my daughters utter any phrase like this, "Mom, I need to go on a diet.  I think I'm fat."  Never.  I have told them as they entered their teen years that our family loves food.  Food is delicious.  But we also have a genetic tendency to eat too much.  The problem is, when you're growing up, if you grow out more than you're growing up, that is unhealthy.  We all have an optimum height and weight.  They know if they're growing out a bit too much, I'll let them know.  I know what they're optimum weight range should be.   We're all about the same size.

Only had to do that once with DD#2.  She was in 10th grade and gained almost 20 lbs in 5 mos.  She was second string field hockey one fall, did a lot of bench sitting, and field hockey players are known for their sh** food snacks.  LOADS of junk.  When I saw her weight on her physical in February, I almost went into shock lol.  I gently told her that there is no way she should weigh 153 for her frame size and height.  145 is tops if she's working out a lot with weights.  I told her I wanted her to clean up her eating habits, cut out the junk, and do a bit more cardio once June started.  It is that important to get things under control and not let weight spiral out of control.   She got it under control on her own.  She simply cut out the junk and dropped to about 138 by June.   

I warned DD#1 (and DD#2) about the "Freshman 15".  DD#1 came home last May about 20 lbs heavier.  DH noticed.  I noticed.  I told her she was lucky because she gains all over, but she was noticeably heavier.  Again, I said, "You want to get this under control.  If you don't pay attention to this weight gain, it will stay and just keep creeping up as you graduate and get a job."  Away from college, she ate healthy foods again, put her fitness workouts at the forefront again, and lost that weight.   (In my 12-week challenge thread in OT, yesterday I posted my "proud" pic of what she made with the mini grill I bought her at school .)

She looks terrific.  And if you've seen pics of her in the Craft thread, you know she's no skinny minny.  She's lean and solid muscle. 

But no, I've never told my kids not to eat junk because they're going to get fat.  Eat the right food and move so you stay fit.  It was always about good food choices.  Frequent poor food choices lead to an unfit body no matter what the weight.  Emphasizing fitness, muscle mass, and good eating, and realistic/optimum weight for their frame size has served my girls well.   They have never obsessed nor denied themselves food.  And as they're getting older, I see them gravitating toward clean eating and cutting out processed junk.  It's quite refreshing to see this.  They're way ahead of the game that where I was at at the same age.

[kouturekat]

My kids get a chuckle out of milk choices, Ark.  We are a skim milk family, and always have been.  Most kids at their school are whole or 2% milk drinkers.  They think skim milk is gross!  My kids think whole or 2% is hard to drink, almost milkshake like and much prefer the easy drinking viscosity of skim milk.

Dietary habits start young I tell ya.  And the type of milk is the perfect example.  Grow up on skim and you'll love it.  Grow up with fatty milk and you'll probably have a hard time switching to skim.  Most of Ryan's friends won't touch skim milk.   

[lakeswimr]

I think that it doesn't take that much to mess up GIRLS with regard to body issues in this country.  I don't see too many women in this culture who I don't think have some amount of an eating disorder--not always a full fledged one but most seem to not be happy with their bodies and to be on a diet most of the time and have their feelings of self-worth tied very strongly to how they look and their weight.  I would want to try to avoid that if I had a girl.  It would be very difficult since most of society hyperfocuses on it and much of our country *is* overweight.

There is a big middle ground where one isn't telling a child 'you are going to get fat' and also is not overfeeding junk food to a child. 

Yes, I'm serious that I very strongly think telling a child, 'you are going to get fat and you are going to get a big butt' isn't good *long term*.  I would set limits on how much junk can be eaten.  My DS doesn't tend toward overeating so far.  When he says he is full I say, "great".  But if he does want more junk that appropriate I tend to say things like, 'I think you had enough sweets, don't you?  Let's have something healthy now.'  I say, 'those are just special treats, not full meals!  We just eat a little of them.'  I don't tell him he is gonna get fat.  I think that will set him up with thinking that fat people are inferior and later in life as with almost all of us, when it IS more difficult to remain slim it will make him feel worse, and likely make it HARDER to keep weight off.

I think teaching good habits and portion size and etc rather than talking about 'getting fat' will be more effective.  I can tell you that I only ate healthy foods growing up other than on holidays and birthdays.  My mother talked about this subject and the reason I feel the way I do is my parents talked the way you do.  It messed me up.  It messed my brothers up.   I read a lot on this topic and do not think telling kids they are going to get a 'big butt' and 'get fat' is helpful LONG TERM.  I think it is potentially planting seeds of a good eating disorder, particularly if your child does gain weight in late teens and early adulthood.  I don't think it will be helpful at that time to them.

I hope I"m wrong.  I hope it works for you.  Having an eating disorder stinks.  Being a woman in America who doesn't feel good about herself due to her weight isn't so good of a thing, either. 

I'm not saying I would take a hands off approach or a false approach with a child but that I wouldn't focus on the topic in a negative way.  I would teach about this in a positive way (focusing on what I want the child to do, not on what I don't want them to do.)

I think it is great that you are teaching them to eat other things than junk if they are hungry and I'm not in your house so I haven't heard any of these conversations and maybe if I were there I would have a very different opinion.  Internet doesn't always do a good job conveying what people mean.

[SilverLining]

Getting back to this quote from the article:

Being set apart from peers by sitting in a different chair means "their peers recognize them as large, different," said Dr. Phil Wu, a pediatrician who leads Kaiser Permanente's pediatric obesity prevention and treatment effort.

"At all ages, kids don't want to feel different," Wu said. "They get ostracized by the peers in subtle and not-so-subtle ways. It's more of that social psychological impact that's insidious in a way that's more profound than what the child might experience than sitting in a standard seat."

My granddaughter is a teeny-tiny little girl.  She eats well, meaning she eats healthy meals, with large portions, and she also snacks between meals.  Sometimes sweets, sometimes fruits.  But she's also very active, and she is tiny.  If she takes after me (which she seems to) she will remain tiny all through school.

with "normal" chairs I often felt like I was in a chair that was to big...like a little kid playing grown up, kwim?   Making all the chairs bigger will make things worse for her and kids like her.  Kind of punishing her for being small.

I got teased a lot for being so small.

[SilverLining]

Hmmmm....using that logic, I guess I shouldn't tell my kids that using street drugs can leave them brain damaged

I don't think that's a fair comparison.  Using street drugs is not a necessity like eating is.  And there isn't a healthy/safe/good amount of street drugs to use.

I think you also compared to label reading re: allergies.  That IS a fair comoarison imo, and it does sometimes result in eating disorders.  Having said that, I'll add it is necessary to enforce with kids, and an eating disorder resulting from allergies doesn't mean it's a parents fault.  I developed one when I developed my allergies and the only person to blame was ME!

[lakeswimr]

My eating disorder was a direct result of how I was parented and the society I grew up in.  My home was like a perfect environment if you wanted to cause a person to have an eating disorder.  I was not responsible for it as a CHILD.  As an adult I took responsibility and distanced myself from the things that triggered my problem and I got well.  I'm responsible for myself as an adult, no matter how I was parented as a child and how much or how little I got messed up in childhood but children are not responsible for causing themselves to have eating disorders.  Maybe somehow you were and if I heard your whole story I'd agree but in my case it was my parents , certainly and they produced 3 of us who were similarly messed up. 

[kouturekat]

I grew up in a semi-restrictive food environment.  As the youngest of 4, my mother did some reading and threw out a lot of junk when I was in second grade.  Gone were the Twinkies in a flash.  My siblings got to each junk far longer than I did lol.  No junky cereals either.  It was plain Cheerios, Wheaties, Grapenuts, stuff like that.  You'd never see a Pop Tart in her cupboard.  Skim milk, lots of fruits and veggies all the time.  Her fruit bowl was always there. 

It used to make me mad.  I'd have a lunch of a sandwich, apple, banana, or orange, and two skinny little pretzels.  Nothing for snack.  My friends used to get loads of junk and things like Hostess cakes or Little Debbies for their snacks.  Boy, I sure wanted that junk, but my mom said it wasn't good for us and was unhealthy.  I grew up watching my parents play tennis, jog, and eventually join the gym when I was in high school.  These are the things that stay with kids for life.  I watched them model a healthy lifestyle. 

Every once and while we'd have junk.  We had our birthday cakes, cookies on special occasions, but they just weren't a mainstay.  Our snacks were usually popcorn, chips, or pretzels.  Eventually chips were only for special occasions because my mother wasn't sure if cottonseed oil was good for us back then and company's were starting to use that.  Sometimes I'd buy myself a special box of junk cereal from my own money.  It was nice to have that sometimes.  She didn't 'prevent us from eating crap foods, she just wouldn't buy it.

My kids have asked me why I never buy Pop Tarts or Little Debbies.  I laugh and ask them if they've ever seen a Pop Tart or Little Debbie cakes in Grandma's pantry lol.  No!  Some things are so junky I'll never buy them.  We really do grow up like our parents .   And here's something to think about.  My parents still go to the gym at least 3X/week and my mom still plays in her Tennis league the other two days.  They're doing pretty good at 75 and 76.  So I guess they were doing something right all along.   ETA, me, and all my siblings...as we've aged we've gotten more into health and fitness.   We all have similar figures to what we had in high school.  It's not genetics.  It's our attitude and early training.  We have all become our parents    .  Although my brother was a skinny fat and was diagnosed as a diabetic 3 years ago but has cleaned up his act.  He knew what to do, it just took him a little longer to get with the program with a diagnosis but now he's healthy like his three sisters .

It would pain me to think I'd ever say that as a teen lol!  I was to become my mother...

[SilverLining]

My eating disorder was a direct result of how I was parented and the society I grew up in.  My home was like a perfect environment if you wanted to cause a person to have an eating disorder.  I was not responsible for it as a CHILD.  As an adult I took responsibility and distanced myself from the things that triggered my problem and I got well.  I'm responsible for myself as an adult, no matter how I was parented as a child and how much or how little I got messed up in childhood but children are not responsible for causing themselves to have eating disorders.  Maybe somehow you were and if I heard your whole story I'd agree but in my case it was my parents , certainly and they produced 3 of us who were similarly messed up.

I was referring specifically about an eating disorder that results from the fears associated with food allergies.  And I was an adult when I developed my food allergies.

I do believe that specifically regarding food allergies a child can develop a fear of eating which morphs into an eating disorder, and it may not be the parents fault.  Of course, the parent needs to help the child, but I simply mean it may not be the parents fault that it started.

[lakeswimr]

Oh, that makes sense. 

[Arkadia]

I wouldn't say being overweight is necessarily an eating disorder.  In a lot of cases it's probably poor dietary habits and poor food choices. 

my bad. I forgot. It's a "disease."

I would never tell my daughters not to eat certain foods or how much because "they're going to get fat".  I wouldn't use those words because it kind of puts a slant on if one is fat, they're a "less than".   

Aw....I take it you're not a Tiger Mom after all.  Neither is CM either, I guess. Posers! the both of you. 

[notnutty]

About 2 weeks ago I told my DS that he was getting "fat."  I used that word to get his attention.  His grandfather just passed because of diabetes and heart disease, his grandmother is diabetic (Type II from being overweight).  He needs to quit eating so many empty calories.  I don't buy the junk, but he is 16 with a car and the freedom that goes along with it.

Magically, over the past week he has been running on the treadmill and eating more fruit and veggies.  I see him with a water bottle instead of a soda (which I don't purchase).

I have always stressed eating in moderation.  If you are going to have some chips, put them in a bowl.  If we have pasta, I include veggies in the sauce.  We rarely have cookies, cakes, or processed in our house. 

Sometimes the truth needs to be told.  Bluntly if necessary. It probably depends on the age of the child and how severe the problem is.  Our house does not revolve around food or weight, but it is discussed as appropriate.  DS has always been big for his age.  He is currently 6'3 and around 235 pounds. Unfortunately his football coaches are excited that he has progressively been gaining weight.  He gets positive reinforcement for every 5 pounds he adds from the coaches.  Then he comes home to mom putting the breaks on.  Football is a temporary stage in his life.  Heart disease and diabetes are a reality he will have to contend with lifelong.

DD and younger DS have the opposite issues.  They don't eat enough.  Same house, same rules, same food environment.  I often worry that DD is not eating enough (especially since she does not live at home and is an adult).  Younger DS is 11 and is weight is around 65 lbs.  Small guy.

Anyway, I think there is no black and white rule when it comes to teaching our children about food choices.  It depends on body type and the child's own relationship with food.

[Arkadia]

I wouldn't use those words because it kind of puts a slant on if one is fat, they're a "less than".

You are the person that is measuring every cm and counting down to bikini season, right? "Hot Mama" on the a** of your jeans? Or is some other person posting under your alias?  Hey, at least I'm not sending mixed messages. My kids know they can take me at face value. No hidden meanings.

I have to ask....have you ever been fat? Like in rolls of it around your knees?


fwiw, My daughter's teachers commented on her IEP that she not only values her friendships but is willing to make personal sacrifices for them. Put that in your blueberry cookies and chomp on it. 

[Arkadia]

Sometimes the truth needs to be told.  Bluntly if necessary. It probably depends on the age of the child and how severe the problem is.

Honesty is a good rule of thumb where parenting is concerned.

I think rabid political correctness really screws up raising kids. My daughter *IS*  self conscious at age 5. I've posted about her tears related to her eczema, particularly around her face. She's a compassionate child, and no doubt, our own personal miseries make us more compassionate, (although she's an empath to begin with), not whether or not our parents tell us too many cupcakes will make us fat.

Anyways, I guess we can't post about how CUPCAKE QUEENS are contributing to making kids FATTER in schools?  Because it might give kids a self image issue or make them mean....

In her lunch today will be half a turkey sandwich, one elmo bottled water, one heart shaped pink frosted sugar cookie, and some sweet potato chips. I know, deep in her heart, her only dissapointment will be she's not allowed to break her cookie in two to share. And with that, I can empathize a tad with the cupcake queens. Feel some compassion for them, knowing it's our basic human nature to share food, particularly, THE BEST we feel we have to offer with people IMPORTANT to us.