Picking up the pieces after a serious reaction

[Ciel]

Easter is fast approaching, which marks one year since my wildly mishandled and extremely scary anaphylactic reaction that was the result of eating at my aunt's house last year. I have seriously struggled with eating and anxiety since and Easter coming up next week has thrown me into an emotional tailspin. I am struggling with other very weighty personal stresses as it is; the added anxiety and uninvited flashes of memory make coping that much more difficult. How do others deal with things like this? Or am I the only one to feel this way this far out from a reaction?

[Mezzo]

I don't know if this will help you, but my DD's most serious reaction was also on Easter, years ago. It was anxiety producing to come up to that holiday the next year. It has faded. But I think it's human nature to feel that more intensely as you come up on the anniversary. 

I'm sorry you're going through that.

[CMdeux]

It has been 12 years this May 5th since DD almost died as a baby, and I can relive every single instant of that morning as though it were still happening to me.

Does that tell you anything?   

No, it very definitely is NOT just you.  DD is two years out from her last really big reaction, but the circumstances are similarly cyclic and there is no way that she is "over" it either.  It's an annual event that she at one time was crazy about, and now is deeply ambivalent towards.  Uneasy or unsettled, I think.

She has changed her approach to things and that seems to help her to be internally reassured that "it can't happen like that again" because she has done X, Y, and Z now.  KWIM?  But will it ever just be "fun" again?  I don't think so. 

  I'm sorry. 

[GingerPye]

I have similar memories of my kids' reactions.  Esp DD's first big one.  Those reactions are forever seared in my brain.  And DD's food allergies caused her eating disorder (as a baby) and the subsequent G-tube feedings for a few years.  (I HATE food allergies!)  So Ciel, I can somewhat understand your anxiety about eating and about this upcoming Easter. 

I have found, with my memories of my kids' reactions, time does help with getting past it and getting on with life.  But I can very quickly get myself back to that anxiety when thinking about those reactions.

I really have no advice --- but I'm wondering if there is something you can "reward" yourself with on Easter Day or maybe the day after, something to look forward to, to get through the holiday?  Not food, of course, but maybe a new craft kit or a new outfit or getting together with a special friend --- something that way?

[MandCmama]

Totally relate.  Ds2's reaction still brings me to tears to talk about, and it's been 2 1/2 years.  I still get sweaty palms when i drive by the parking lot where EMS met us.  I still feel my guts clench when I look at the family photo from that night (Christmas celebration).  The boys had matching PJs on that night and though DS2 now fits in the ones that DS1 was wearing, I only put them on in dire laundry circumstances...I still remember EMS peeling him out of them.  It is horrible.  I feel for you.  I do. 

Control.  Control is what helps me.  Knowing I'm prepared as I can be for similar situations.  Control over deciding which situations we put ourselves in.  Control in the form of being better prepared after looking back on past mistakes. Control in the form of edu others from our past experience.

I hope over time this gets better for you.  Maybe visit with family prior to the meal if they will be serving your allergens?

[momma2boys]

In June my ds had a reaction that I didn't post about.  It was a pretty bad situation, stuck on a school bus that wouldn't pull over.  Luckily I had insisted on going with him, and the thoughts of what would've happened if I hadn't still make me physically ill.  I don't know how to tell you to get past it, but I hope it helps to know you aren't alone  .

[Ciel]

It does help to know I'm not completely alone in this. It still feels pretty awful now though, even if it will get better in time.

How do you know when the line has been breached into a true eating disorder? I hardly eat, I know I don't eat enough and I know I don't eat a properly balanced diet -- but I eat enough to stay on my feet, if that makes sense. I've seen a dietitian, psychologist, family doctor, allergist, and yet I still feel overwhelmed and defeated by all of this. Life is just so difficult these days that these failures can feel crushing and make everything into even more of a struggle, kwim?

Thank you for sharing your stories, I know it is hard to remember and talk about these memories and I truly appreciate the sentiment.

[Ra3chel]

How do you know when the line has been breached into a true eating disorder? I hardly eat, I know I don't eat enough and I know I don't eat a properly balanced diet -- but I eat enough to stay on my feet, if that makes sense. I've seen a dietitian, psychologist, family doctor, allergist, and yet I still feel overwhelmed and defeated by all of this. Life is just so difficult these days that these failures can feel crushing and make everything into even more of a struggle, kwim?

Thank you for sharing your stories, I know it is hard to remember and talk about these memories and I truly appreciate the sentiment.

That's a difficult and thorny question. I'd say if it's significantly affecting your quality of life, it's problematic at a level that needs to be addressed. If the psychologist and dietician aren't helping, it might be worth looking for others; and maybe even considering seeing a psychiatrist and discussing the possibility of medication. Sometimes, even as a short-term solution, that can help mitigate things like uncontrollably severe anxiety enough for you to address the stuff behind it.

[MandCmama]

How do you know when the line has been breached into a true eating disorder? I hardly eat, I know I don't eat enough and I know I don't eat a properly balanced diet -- but I eat enough to stay on my feet, if that makes sense. I've seen a dietitian, psychologist, family doctor, allergist, and yet I still feel overwhelmed and defeated by all of this. Life is just so difficult these days that these failures can feel crushing and make everything into even more of a struggle, kwim?

Thank you for sharing your stories, I know it is hard to remember and talk about these memories and I truly appreciate the sentiment.

That's a difficult and thorny question. I'd say if it's significantly affecting your quality of life, it's problematic at a level that needs to be addressed. If the psychologist and dietician aren't helping, it might be worth looking for others; and maybe even considering seeing a psychiatrist and discussing the possibility of medication. Sometimes, even as a short-term solution, that can help mitigate things like uncontrollably severe anxiety enough for you to address the stuff behind it.

Very good advice. 

[CMdeux]

 


Anxiety-- even about NON-FA stuff-- can really cause eating problems, even if it isn't technically an eating "disorder" by DSM standards.

My DD really struggled with anxiety-fueled food intake issues for much of the 18 months following her last severe reaction.  The months leading up to the (recurrent) event at the 1yr anniversary were the worst.  We were seriously scared for her.   This self-resolved when she was able to face down that recurrent event (similar circumstances as the one that caused her reaction, but thankfully different location, since that would have been too, too much for her, I think) using her self-selected means of maintaining control over the outcome (less fun, less 'out-of-control' age-appropriate kid stuff, more sticking to business, serious attention to surrounding, forgoing shared touch-surfaces, etc).  What helped, ultimately, was getting through the repeat without incident. 

I wanted to offer that as a way of reassuring you that if you take precautions and get through the event/gathering without incident, that may go a LONG way to alleviating your anxiety.  This was a much more potent affector than we imagined, honestly.   

Professionals sometimes, I think, underestimate the power of an anaphylactic reaction to elicit PTSD and diffuse generalized anxiety. 
I hope that you'll do as Ra3chel suggests and keep looking for the right professional to really help, rather than shrugging at it. 

[Mfamom]

i'm happy to see you, but so sorry this is going on.
I had pretty serious stress/anxiety maybe ptsd after my ds reaction.  I understand how you feel.  Not sure what the answer is.   

[Ciel]

I left it off the list, but I actually did see a psychiatrist recently too. I am currently considering asking about perhaps seeking another opinion, but I am not sure if I can handle another 6 month wait. SNRIs have not helped at all. There are deeper issues than I can get into here, but yes, the food issues are pervasive and all tangled in with everything else. I feel so helpless. I sincerely hope that getting through Easter without incident will bring some relief.

[CMdeux]

I hope so, too.   

I wouldn't have believed how potent that anxiety was without seeing the evidence.  It was particular life-stress on top of the extraordinary anxiety surrounding the circumstances that led to anaphylaxis and fearing the repeat of them.  Once it was past, it was like the weight of the world had lifted off of our DD.  She regained the nearly ten pounds she had lost (and let's be clear-- this was ten pounds lost off of a VERY slender 90lb adolescent) within just a few months.  She weighs fifteen pounds more than she did a year ago (this was near the zenith of her anxiety issues).

(Please no quoting that)

[SilverLining]

My most serious reaction happened when I was shopping for the stuff I needed to make a special Easter treat for my kids.  To this day, I canmot do special Easter baking.  i suppose if I had to I could force myself, but why bother.  Other then that, I've gotten past the depression/anxiety related to the holiday.

As for dealing with the daily anxiety of fa's.  I was taking antihistamines daily for quite a few years.  Eventually, I switched to one that was an anti-anxiety med as well.  It was very mild, so when I finally vuilt up the nerve to cut back and eventually cut off the daily meds, I didn't have any issues.

[MandCmama]

Thinking of you today. Hope all was peaceful for you.