Teen carries one epipen

[GingerPye]

My DD is at a prom dinner tonight.  I found her epipen on the bed and called her in a panic thinking she didn't have any epis with her.  She informed me that she only carries one with her and she does not need two.

I said that she really needs to have two with her at all times but we'll talk about it later --- she told me, "No Mom, we will not discuss it later."
She thinks one epipen is enough---
how do I convince this pigheaded kid that she needs to have two epis with her at all times?!

[hk]

Oh that's a tough one GP!  I probably don't have great advice since my DD is younger.  I would probably use the example of the recent fatality where the college kid used an epi, but it malfunctioned and he died.  I hate using scare tactics, but I also wonder if they are sometimes necessary.

Good luck and I hope your dd has a wonderful and safe time at the prom!

[joanna5]

I think I'd start by trying to see why she doesn't want to carry two.  What does she carry in-a purse?  Does it comfortably fit two? 

My oldest has had a biphasic reaction (fortunately, the second reaction kicked in as we were getting out of the ambulance and heading into triage), so I'd start there and bring up the story HK mentioned if necessary.

I hope her prom is absolutely magical.

[SilverLining]

 I agree.  start by asking why.  It might be worth considering switching to the Auvi-Q if her reason is the size of the epi.

[CMdeux]

Yup-- and by recognizing that the ONLY way to win this one is persuasion, not coercion.

  After all, most people who need one don't even carry ONE, so she's in better company than that, at least.

Would her allergist scare her straight?

[eragon]

being a girl means you can carry you autoinjector more easily!
finding a bag for a teen boy that is acceptable is difficult imo.

[Macabre]

Yup. She's got it soooooo much easier as a girl. The Auvi was a life saver for DH in speech. With his category he doesn't carry anything extra. Only has his suit and a briefcase looking lunch bag that I've been meaning to post about. But it can't go in the cold lunch bag, and that stays in the cafeteria anyway. He's been able to have one in his inner breast pocket and one in a side coat pocket or front pocket and no one knows.

I understand what a pain it is to find an evening bag for epis, but when I buy my evening bag I make sure I can fit two epis and a lipstick. They are around. 

There have been a very few occasions I've been okay with DS carrying one. But the general rule is two. And for any parties (he's had four in the last eight days) and for any eating events must have two.

This is nonnegotiable.  I don't think it's a matter of persuasion. Once DS drives if he drives without a seatbelt we will suspend privileges.  I might take a less confrontational tack at first, but in the end it's nonnegotiable.

[CMdeux]

This is also the strategy that we employ-- that this is just like wearing a bicycle helmet or seatbelt, I mean, and that we'll suspend privileges over it (which is one of the few categories of infractions like that).

But also recognizing that parenting teens requires a different toolbox... and that just "you're grounded for pulling this stunt, and it had better not happen again" isn't enough-- because if that is the further that it goes, then the problem just gets translated into realms where you DO NOT have control over what they do and when and how.

E.g.-- college.

In other words, you have to get through to them about the WHY of some absolutes which are about basic safety if they are going to continue doing them once they turn 18/leave home.

Unfortunately, this is where a parent with a fairly lax approach can do a ton of damage in the long term.  Which is why I recommend pulling in an allergist or research papers which recommend the "two epis" approach for medical reasons (and they do).

[Jessica]

I said that she really needs to have two with her at all times but we'll talk about it later --- she told me, "No Mom, we will not discuss it later."

In addition to the other advice, I think I would have a problem with her talking to you that way. I would with our own kids, anyway.

[Macabre]

Once at school, the school nurse didn't inset the epi correctly into DS' leg and had to use a second one.

[CMdeux]

I said that she really needs to have two with her at all times but we'll talk about it later --- she told me, "No Mom, we will not discuss it later."

In addition to the other advice, I think I would have a problem with her talking to you that way. I would with our own kids, anyway.

Indeed-- but some teens are much more strongly motivated toward autonomy than others.  There does come a point where you can't just say "because I said so" anymore with most of them.  Some, it's earlier than others.

I can easily see my DD saying this to me at 16.  She already blows us off if, in her considered opinion, something is "just not happening" no matter WHAT we've told her.  I mean, she's basically a good kid-- she just makes her own mind up about things and that's that.  You have to use logic/persuasion with her or she won't be compliant, no matter what she may SAY to us directly, if that makes sense.  She would just blow it off and hide it to avoid the conflict with us, basically.

I think that's probably an even worse outcome, myself.

[CMdeux]

DD says I wouldn't be caught DEAD without two epipens....


er-- Oh WAIT!!   

Me:  Well, the two things aren't mutually exclusive, anyway.   

[booandbrimom]

I said that she really needs to have two with her at all times but we'll talk about it later --- she told me, "No Mom, we will not discuss it later."

In addition to the other advice, I think I would have a problem with her talking to you that way. I would with our own kids, anyway.

Indeed-- but some teens are much more strongly motivated toward autonomy than others.  There does come a point where you can't just say "because I said so" anymore with most of them.  Some, it's earlier than others.

I can easily see my DD saying this to me at 16.  She already blows us off if, in her considered opinion, something is "just not happening" no matter WHAT we've told her.  I mean, she's basically a good kid-- she just makes her own mind up about things and that's that.  You have to use logic/persuasion with her or she won't be compliant, no matter what she may SAY to us directly, if that makes sense.  She would just blow it off and hide it to avoid the conflict with us, basically.

I think that's probably an even worse outcome, myself.

There are two kinds of kids IMO: those who feel comfortable rebelling directly and those who hide it.

I am always happy when my daughter takes me on directly because I know there will come a day when she just doesn't bother anymore.

[Jessica]

I just think it's disrespectful. I wouldn't talk to my own parents that way even now.

[GingerPye]

It is disrespectful, totally.  I have been round and round with this kid, taken away privileges, grounded her.  She is a very independent person.  Some day, that will be a good thing.  Right now, it makes me crazy.  Believe me, I don't just let it go or accept it.  Our house is more of a battlegrounds than anything else these days.   
She def rebels in front of me, to me, LOUDLY, and she does not hide it. 

I need stories to print off and put under DD's nose.