Schools need bigger furnitire--so that they can accommodate obese students

[lakeswimr]

You are the person that is measuring every cm and counting down to bikini season, right? "Hot Mama" on the a** of your jeans? Or is some other person posting under your alias?  Hey, at least I'm not sending mixed messages. My kids know they can take me at face value. No hidden meanings.

I have to ask....have you ever been fat? Like in rolls of it around your knees?

No, I'm not that person.  I don't know what you are talking about.  I can not measure every cm and it is only in the past few years I can stand to weigh myself.  I know how big I am from what clothing size I wear and how I look.  In the past if I thought of calories, pounds, inches or whatever it would trigger for me similar feelings I had when I had an eating disorder.  I couldn't do it.  I don't send my son 'mixed messages'.  He knows I'm focused on fitness and health, I like to eat healthy foods, I don't eat much in the way of junk food and I exercise often. 

I have been about 35-40 lbs over my ideal weight.  (shrug)  I have also had an EATING disorder.  I have been both someone who didn't eat almost at all as well as the other end of the spectrum along with vomiting and the whole shebang.  I haven't been doing either in over 20 years and plan to stay this way by continuing to NOT focus on FAT.  That just gets ME into trouble.  YMMV. 

What initially triggered my eating disorder was my grandfather poked me in the stomach and called me fat when I was in 3rd grade.  He said it in a very negative way.  I didn't eat much the next year.  From 3rd grade to 4th grade I didn't gain one single pound and didn't grow much because I essentially stopped eating.  From them on I was very thin until college when I had access to all the junk food I wanted for the first time in my life.  I couldn't handle that freedom as I hadn't been given it before.   

In my case a single comment really did me in.  Continued daily comments from my parents made things much worse.  I would not discount the effect of calling a child fat in this culture.

It isn't about being honest or dishonest.  it is about what works and what doesn't.  If calling people fat worked there wouldn't be any fat people in America.  What people who are overweight tend to say is that when people call them fat it makes them binge eat or sabotages their efforts to lose weight.  It might work for some.  I find a focus on being healthy, eating healthy foods, exercise, reasonable portion size, stopping eating not when full but when about 80 or 90% full, etc is much more effective for ME.

[lakeswimr]

And what was that about 'hot mama' on the a** of my jeans?    Even when I was a show off in high school I woudln't have worn anything with writing on my butt.  I'm not a bikini person, either.  (shrug)

Are you seriously thinking of someone here who posts about this stuff or are you making this stuff up? 

[Arkadia]

And what was that about 'hot mama' on the a** of my jeans?    Even when I was a show off in high school I woudln't have worn anything with writing on my butt.  I'm not a bikini person, either.  (shrug)

Are you seriously thinking of someone here who posts about this stuff or are you making this stuff up?

um...lakeswimmer...you've misquoted a bunch of stuff. go back and look. I quoted kk, not you, and somehow you mixed up what looks like your reply to me and attributed my post to kk....

[Arkadia]

My kids get a chuckle out of milk choices, Ark.  We are a skim milk family, and always have been.  Most kids at their school are whole or 2% milk drinkers.  They think skim milk is gross!  My kids think whole or 2% is hard to drink, almost milkshake like and much prefer the easy drinking viscosity of skim milk.

Dietary habits start young I tell ya.  And the type of milk is the perfect example.  Grow up on skim and you'll love it.  Grow up with fatty milk and you'll probably have a hard time switching to skim.  Most of Ryan's friends won't touch skim milk.   

I grew up on 2%, went skim as an adult, then to whole when my kids were on a bottle, and then back to 2% now. They don't notice, but none of us are big glass of milk drinkers, and we use it in coffee and on cereal and to cook with. <shrug> I *do* buy organic, and get the DHA+ OMEGA 3.  that's my criteria.

[kouturekat]

I wouldn't use those words because it kind of puts a slant on if one is fat, they're a "less than".

You are the person that is measuring every cm and counting down to bikini season, right? "Hot Mama" on the a** of your jeans? Or is some other person posting under your alias?  Hey, at least I'm not sending mixed messages. My kids know they can take me at face value. No hidden meanings.

I have to ask....have you ever been fat? Like in rolls of it around your knees?

fwiw, My daughter's teachers commented on her IEP that she not only values her friendships but is willing to make personal sacrifices for them. Put that in your blueberry cookies and chomp on it. 

Yes, but not because I want to be, ack..."skinny".  I loathe that word.  Yes, it feels terrific to wear a hot swimsuit and feel my husband's eye's glazing over me .  He'd do that anyway though.  My two reasons:  HBP and diabetes.  Yes, I am carefully measuring my portions now.  Why?  Because what I've been doing for years, although it was healthy eating, was simply not healthy enough.  Adding 2 1/2" to my waistline between the ages of 42 and 45.  As in a moderate risk waist-to-hip ratio.  Yikes.  Apple shape.  That is my genetic tendency.  I want results!  Damn I do.  As in excellent blood test results which have always been good, but I want to keep them that way. 

Have I ever been fat?  My junior year in high school, I was called chunky by my husband's friend.  He said nothing to deny it.  It was one reason why I bought my first set of weights, started jogging, cut out junk food, and bough Jane Fonda's Workout book.  Slimmed down my Senior year to a shapely 118.    Went to college, unwarned about the Freshman 15.  Drank like a fish, munched, ate junk, no portion sizing, and ballooned from 118 to 153.  That's what I weighed the first day I was back home from my Freshman year.  Yes, I was FAT!  35 lbs. on my frame size!?!?   I worked like a dog that summer to slim down.

I'm no stranger to working at keeping my weight stable.  In fact, if anything, it has helped me.  I've been working at it since 17 years of age. 

Rolls of fat around my knees?  Don't need those rolls to be fat.  I don't get fat legs lol.  A dangerously fat midsection yes.  Obesity IS a disease.  What is the cause of the disease?  It could any one of several things.  Like a result of mental, physical, or sexual abuse.  People seek out food for comfort.  And then they become fat.  But I'm not going to tell my girls, "You don't want to be fat, do you?"  And especially not, "You don't want to be fat like so-and-so, do you?"  Because what is the opposite of fat?  It is skinny.  And I don't want my girls to be skinny either.  I want them to be slim, trim, and fit.  There IS a difference.  Gotta have meat on them bones, you know?  And on the subject of so-and-so, we don't know why that person is fat.  Are they having some type of serious issues going on that we don't 'know about? 

Obesity is a disease.  It is a struggle.  It is hard for some to manage their weight.  It is a national crisis that isn't being addressed like it should be IMO.  I can't imagine telling my daughters when they were young, "You don't want to be fat, do you?"  Really, who wants to be?  I want to emphasize what they SHOULD be, not what to avoid.  They should be fit.  And if they're fit and place a premium on healthy behaviors as a permanent lifestyle, they're going to be a hot mama like me .   (One of my softball shirts does proclaim I'm a "Hot Mom", and it was embroidered to say that because my husband told me to put it on  . !)  I take pride in myself and my health.  They do too.  And maybe I will put Hot Mama on the a** of my jeans.  Not a bad idea.  I'll probably get requests to make some for my friends lol. 

What do I say to my daughters now at 20 and almost 18?  "Look at those girls!"  (The ones walking out of the high school and are already heavy.)  They are going to have a tough time of it in life.  If they're heavy now and don't develop good eating and fitness habits, they're probably going to be doomed as adults.  They have a very hard road ahead of them.  It's the truth.  They know how I feel about childhood obesity.  And the thing is, it is becoming more of a social norm to be overweight at a young age.  I see it in our schools.  There is no need to say, "Hey DD#2, if you don't eat right you're going to be fat like her!"  They intelligent.  They know what's going on.  It's better, IMO, to emphasize long-term consequences at their age. 

There are no mixed messages in my house:  Fitness and healthy eating rules.  It has always been that way.  And my daughters have graduated into healthy eaters that don't count calories (never did), never weighed themselves regularly (because I don't believe in owning a scale), never proclaimed they need to diet to lose weight because they felt they were fat, and put working out near the top of their daily schedule.

One of my cherished memories.  I remember when they used to wave and smile at me from the gym playroom as toddlers.   They would watch me do the circuit out the big glass window.  (If they grew up thinking all moms work out, who am I to dispute that thought .)  They used to say, "I can't wait until I'm 13 and can work out too, Mom!"  And then they did.  My husband thinks it's heartwarming like I do when all 6 of us head to the gym to work out on Friday nights during the holidays.  The way I always imagined it to be .  I get chills just thinking about it.  I'm seeing more parents doing Family memberships lately too.  What a great thing that is happening.   My kids get to work out and see their friends in a fitness-oriented environment.

[lakeswimr]

Oh, I see.  I was wondering! 

And what was that about 'hot mama' on the a** of my jeans?    Even when I was a show off in high school I woudln't have worn anything with writing on my butt.  I'm not a bikini person, either.  (shrug)

Are you seriously thinking of someone here who posts about this stuff or are you making this stuff up?

um...lakeswimmer...you've misquoted a bunch of stuff. go back and look. I quoted kk, not you, and somehow you mixed up what looks like your reply to me and attributed my post to kk....

[Arkadia]

kk....i dont have A CLUE as to why my husband tells me MY body turns him on. Im certainly not in the best physical shape of my life. I cant get near him without being molested.....lol!

His favorite line is :  "You could be any shape you want to. You don't have a Butterface."

[CMdeux]

I think that it doesn't take that much to mess up GIRLS with regard to body issues in this country.  I don't see too many women in this culture who I don't think have some amount of an eating disorder--not always a full fledged one but most seem to not be happy with their bodies and to be on a diet most of the time and have their feelings of self-worth tied very strongly to how they look and their weight.  I would want to try to avoid that if I had a girl.  It would be very difficult since most of society hyperfocuses on it and much of our country *is* overweight.
<snip>
I think it is great that you are teaching them to eat other things than junk if they are hungry and I'm not in your house so I haven't heard any of these conversations and maybe if I were there I would have a very different opinion.  Internet doesn't always do a good job conveying what people mean.

Yes, this.  Girls really do face cultural context there that boys... just.... don't.

I saw that-- on both sides-- as a teen.  I looked like a damned Barbie doll as a teen, and it was pretty much effortless on my part-- I just had the right physique and my eating habits were profoundly NON-disordered at that point in time.

My best friend, well, she was "fat."  I've discussed that one.  My other two friends (also close friends) were; a) late bloomer who was tiny tiny tiny, and b) anorexic. Friend a) was desperate to gain enough weight so that she'd be heavy enough for military service.  She ate a huge 1 lb bag of peanut m&m's weekly as a 'snack' out of her locker.  (She became an air force dentist, btw.  LOL)

Friend b)?  A loving and well-meaning mom who had cautioned her about "being fat" since her family had tendencies this direction.  Hey, it worked fine on her four older brothers.  Her parents couldn't understand why it had backfired with their youngest.   

  Not kidding. 

[kouturekat]

kk....i dont have A CLUE as to why my husband tells me MY body turns him on. Im certainly not in the best physical shape of my life. I cant get near him without being molested.....lol!

His favorite line is :  "You could be any shape you want to. You don't have a Butterface."

Duh!    You're a hot mom!  Hotness is an attitude thing, not really a figure issue lol.  Perfect example.  Queen Latifah.  Sexy and hot.   ETA, he swoons when he gazes into your blue eyes, yes?

Said tongue-in-cheek...I just advertise that I'm hot when I'm not, until people actually believe it.  Suckers...

[kouturekat]

Friend b)?  A loving and well-meaning mom who had cautioned her about "being fat" since her family had tendencies this direction.  Hey, it worked fine on her four older brothers.  Her parents couldn't understand why it had backfired with their youngest.

Seriously, you want to know what had a HUGE impact on me?  After my grandmother's diagnosis of diabetes when I was 16, she lost a ton of weight with a sound program for an RD, but...every time we'd go to visit, she show me her orange.  And her insulin syringe.  She'd explain to me how she learned what to do with her orange and how she had to stick herself multiple times a day as well as checking her blood sugar.  She was meticulous about it and very regimented.  Blood pressure device sat on her bathroom counter as well.

What she didn't do had nothing to do with food.  She didn't like the side effects of her glaucoma meds.  Didn't take them, didn't tell the doc.  She eventually died with very little vision.  What a shame.  There were other meds to try but she was taking so many at the time I think it bothered her. 

Her situation left quite an impression on me.  Whatever I can do to avoid the diagnosis of HBP and diabetes, I will do.   

[Arkadia]

I think that it doesn't take that much to mess up GIRLS with regard to body issues in this country.  I don't see too many women in this culture who I don't think have some amount of an eating disorder--not always a full fledged one but most seem to not be happy with their bodies and to be on a diet most of the time and have their feelings of self-worth tied very strongly to how they look and their weight.  I would want to try to avoid that if I had a girl.  It would be very difficult since most of society hyperfocuses on it and much of our country *is* overweight.
<snip>
I think it is great that you are teaching them to eat other things than junk if they are hungry and I'm not in your house so I haven't heard any of these conversations and maybe if I were there I would have a very different opinion.  Internet doesn't always do a good job conveying what people mean.

Yes, this.  Girls really do face cultural context there that boys... just.... don't.

I saw that-- on both sides-- as a teen.  I looked like a damned Barbie doll as a teen, and it was pretty much effortless on my part-- I just had the right physique and my eating habits were profoundly NON-disordered at that point in time.

My best friend, well, she was "fat."  I've discussed that one.  My other two friends (also close friends) were; a) late bloomer who was tiny tiny tiny, and b) anorexic. Friend a) was desperate to gain enough weight so that she'd be heavy enough for military service.  She ate a huge 1 lb bag of peanut m&m's weekly as a 'snack' out of her locker.  (She became an air force dentist, btw.  LOL)

Friend b)?  A loving and well-meaning mom who had cautioned her about "being fat" since her family had tendencies this direction.  Hey, it worked fine on her four older brothers.  Her parents couldn't understand why it had backfired with their youngest.   

  Not kidding.

Food for thought:  My parents NEVER made food an issue. But I developed "anorexia" (what they termed my weight dropping to 84 lbs)  regardless. I think what truly played into that was being an oversheltered child and everything that goes with that, including being the oddity among my peers and a bit of a freak to them in that regard. Everything I did, my parents were there...watching. over my shoulder. Always overdressed, over protected, and over regarded, in the sense things were expected of me that I truly wasn't prepared to deliver, and probably in part due to the overprotection. It's a vicious cycle.  I was, to a point, the ideal child. I never fought with them, never disobeyed, hung out with them, and was....enmeshed. God bless them, I loved and still love my parents, but then again, I'm not the rebellious in your face type.   thank goodness, or my parentectomy could have come in the form of drug abuse, oversexuality, or other risk taking behavior.

But really. Enmeshment. Psychosomatic family. Ironically, despite it's symbiotic nature, enmeshed families rarely see the storm coming, but come it will.

[CMdeux]

Not sure what that had to do with either of my friends who certainly were not enmeshed with parents.

[Arkadia]

kk....i dont have A CLUE as to why my husband tells me MY body turns him on. Im certainly not in the best physical shape of my life. I cant get near him without being molested.....lol!

His favorite line is :  "You could be any shape you want to. You don't have a Butterface."

Duh!    You're a hot mom!  Hotness is an attitude thing, not really a figure issue lol.  Perfect example.  Queen Latifah.  Sexy and hot.   ETA, he swoons when he gazes into your blue eyes, yes?

Said tongue-in-cheek...I just advertise that I'm hot when I'm not, until people actually believe it.  Suckers...

Hon, I'm don't take offense with your jeans, just your denial that you have a preoccupation with size.  I'd look rockin' at  125 lbs.  However, when I am at that weight, I'm sick...sick...sick...all the time. shingles, viruses, emotional, etc....I can turn "on" an "eating disorder" easily and be that weight within...(realistically) two months. It's not that important to me, however. But, having been through the gauntlet of obesity during my most tender years, I'll be blunt and honest with my daughters. I guess it's all in the context of parenting and home life. You can't live in this house and not feel loved. It's impossible. I don't think it's that fragile a relationship that my daughters are going to base all they are <hand on hip, whipping arm in circular motion> on whether I tell them overeating junk foods will make their butt big.

Little story:  the HEAD COLD FROM HELL went through my house this month. Three neb machines going at once. (had to run out at 2am in an ice storm to get neb cups and had to buy a third machine to get the only cups at a 24 hour pharmacy within 25 miles)

Egads. me and my daughter were so miserable. I tucked her in and she wanted a kiss. I didn't feel right kissing her with my cootified face, and the conversation went like this:

"I want a kiss goodnight"

"Oh, honey, mommy is sick."

"but I'm sick too..."

<kiss on the head>

"no...on the mouth."

"but you'll get my germs..."

"I have the same germs."

"but mommy's face is all gross"

"Mine is gross too."

<Huge snotty exchange of germs>

I just don't worry about every word out of my mouth. I have more faith in our family and values than that.

[Arkadia]

Not sure what that had to do with either of my friends who certainly were not enmeshed with parents.

but i think more than telling my daughter too much junk food will make her fat (and offering her a clementine instead), enmeshment (parental overinvolvment) IS a good predictor of who will develop an eating disorder.

Actually, parental overinvolvement and abject apathy possibly related to parents fullfiling their own desires regardless of their child's predisposition and interest might be the toxic combo. My parents surely benefited from the reduced stress of not having to deal with a child who had a social life might have created. I don't blame them though, still love them dearly, and hey, there probably was a sensory/anxiety component in there somewhere. I mean, a parent's need for stress reduction shouldn't supercede their own child's need for eventual autonomy. That is something even *I* have taken great strides coming to grips with.  Smotherlove, yk?

I must be Mufasa. Not to repeat the mistakes of the past...

http://www.vanderbilt.edu/ans/psychology/health_psychology/famstruc.htm

Add fiery tempers and obstinate dispositions on either side, and even I shudder. I was docile, and my concern for my parents distress over my condition took precedence over taking charge. I dealt with my need for autonomy from a more rational standpoint. Putting someone else's needs above our own is ALWAYS "autonomy".  Greatest form of it I know. Call it an epiphany.

Eating disorders aren't about self image as much as they are about autonomy and how THAT affects self image. Intelligent persons probably having a greater NEED for autonomy than those of average intelligence. It's probably something of the emotional equivallent of Starling's Law.

http://www.livestrong.com/article/241262-eating-disorders-family-dynamics/

[Arkadia]

"Overprotective parenting" may damage a child's brain and lead to mental illness:

http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn18633-mom-and-dad-stop-stifling-me--its-damaging-my-brain.html