Living with Food Allergies, 2013 and on

[spacecanada]

Was there a recent reaction?

October of last year. The after-effects still haven't gone away and some things like flashbacks and anxieties have become worse. Seeking professional help was long overdue.

[SilverLining]

Not meaning to sound like that isn't important (it definitely is important) but I'm glad there wasn't a recent reaction I didn't know about.

[LinksEtc]

Maybe this should be in OT.

Why is it that I love learning about FA/asthma/GI for younger dd, but dealing with older dd's ADHD & behavior issues is completely draining to me?  My homework assignment from her doc is to read up on executive functioning which I know is good advice as I've seen this topic discussed here ... but why am I procrastinating? 

I'm not really expecting an answer.  Maybe I'm just venting.

[SilverLining]

Things that popped I to my head.

Do you feel overwhelmed with the ADHD & behaviours, maybe because you don't know as much about them?

Do you worry that putting time into that might take the time away from the other?

Is there a part of you that sometimes kind of feels regarding older dd's problems she should just " get over it".  There is no way to type that without it sounding horribly rude.  But let me just say, with my son there were times when I felt that way. In fact there still are some days.  But it doesn't mean I don't "get" that he can't just get over it.

[GoingNuts]

^ What SL said applies to my older son as well.

For me I think that reading about the allergies and asthma made me feel more in control because there was more that I could control; with the LD there seemed to be less of a cause and effect between anything I did and tangible results.  I hope I communicated that clearly.

And yes, my DS is an adult and sometimes I still wish he would just "get over it", even though I understand he can't.  But wowza, it can be exasperating at times.

[LinksEtc]

Do you feel overwhelmed with the ADHD & behaviours,

Yes.

maybe because you don't know as much about them?

Partly, but it's more than that ... I feel that even if I do everything I can, it is likely that I will not be able to steer things towards a positive outcome.  I know that I have to try & do what I can, but I'm not hopeful about this.  Plus mental health doesn't seem as clear as things like asthma/allergies ... she's been going to docs for this for many years and they all have very different approaches & philosophies ... the approach 1 doc is totally into, another might frown on.  I haven't seen clear lasting progress with any approach.

Plus, it's kind of a mismatch between my personality and her mind which hardly ever seems calm.  Nothing is easy.  Dealing with older dd has been so much more difficult for me than younger dd's health stuff.  And then there is the blame the mom thing ... "Your mom must spoil you" kind of stuff from people who don't understand and can't empathize ... it's ok, I can handle it.

Do you worry that putting time into that might take the time away from the other?

No  .  I don't need to spend a lot of time now with younger dd's issues ... they are under control & I understand them & she has good docs.  As strange as this sounds, being here is something I enjoy at this point.  I have to limit my time here because I'd easily spend too much time here otherwise.   

Is there a part of you that sometimes kind of feels regarding older dd's problems she should just " get over it".  There is no way to type that without it sounding horribly rude.  But let me just say, with my son there were times when I felt that way. In fact there still are some days.  But it doesn't mean I don't "get" that he can't just get over it.

It's really hard for me to tell what is within her control & what is not.  When is she purposely just behaving badly, and when is it not something she can help.  This is not black & white ... it's a continuum.

[SilverLining]

It's really hard for me to tell what is within her control & what is not.  When is she purposely just behaving badly, and when is it not something she can help.  This is not black & white ... it's a continuum.

Absolutely.  And there is at least a third option.  Sometimes a kid is just having a bad day. A normal everybody gets them bad day.

[LinksEtc]

^ What SL said applies to my older son as well.

For me I think that reading about the allergies and asthma made me feel more in control because there was more that I could control; with the LD there seemed to be less of a cause and effect between anything I did and tangible results.  I hope I communicated that clearly.

And yes, my DS is an adult and sometimes I still wish he would just "get over it", even though I understand he can't.  But wowza, it can be exasperating at times.

Yes.   


Well, I'm not going to talk too much about this here, but I may lurk a bit more in OT & if anybody has additional tips, feel free to pm me.

[CMdeux]

It's really hard for me to tell what is within her control & what is not.  When is she purposely just behaving badly, and when is it not something she can help.  This is not black & white ... it's a continuum.

Absolutely.  And there is at least a third option.  Sometimes a kid is just having a bad day. A normal everybody gets them bad day.

   This. 

[GoingNuts]

^ Absolutely.  It's something we all struggle with.

[becca]

Late to this, but dd has both the FAs and ADHD.  And depression that is treated with medication.  Yeah, hard to tell a normal bad day from depression, and inattention from just laziness, etc...  It is very challenging.  And most often, she is sweet and failry resilient, but when things turn, they can be very overwhelming. 

[LinksEtc]

Thanks Becca.  You all would be great to talk to about this  , but Links is only a semi-private ID for me     ... even in OT, I just don't feel comfy going into more detail.  I am going to look at the ADHD threads here and that should help.

Thanks for the support ... I appreciate it.   

[SilverLining]

do that, and I'm sure everyone would be open to PMing with you if there's questions you don't want to post publicly, or just want to talk.

[becca]

Absolutely.

[GoingNuts]